Tbh I just need an AU where Bilbo was actually raised by the elves ever since he became an orphan and Gandalf whisked him away to Rivendell.
Give me thriving Erebor with no Smaug or Arkenstone and an alive and well Durin line. Give me Gandalf insisting that Bilbo should accompany him and the Elves to Erebor to celebrate Prince Fili’s birthday.
Give me Prince Thorin and Sassy Bilbo snarking at each other trying to hide mutual attraction. Let me see Thorin struggling to see that the tree-shaggers can’t be that bad if they helped shape someone like Bilbo. Let me see Bilbo realize Dwarves are not actual barbarians and that their Prince is actually a huge softie.
JUST GIVE ME THESE CUTIES DANCING AROUND EACH OTHER WHILE EVERYONE ELSE FACEPALMS IN THE BACKGROUND.