I’m about to suffocate you with a bunch of best/worst lists on all my favourite things of 2013. Yes, I’m 2 months late, but keep reading…
We gunna start with album covers. Here’s my mix-tape of the most awesome and the most ugly pieces of shit most of us ignore, unless, of course, you’re a total cool record-store-going-caveman-hipster snob.
— 10 BEST ALBUM COVERS OF 2013
10. Paracosm, Washed Out - The flowery pattern is very wallpapery, which sounds terrible in theory, but this is actually quite nice. Plaster me up.
9. Capital Cities, In a Tidal Wave of Mystery - Trying to decipher what’s going on here. Still don’t know, but don’t care. I LOVE HUE ON DRUGS.
8. Lady Gaga, Artpop - She’s pretty annoying but this is actually pretty good. It’s like she’s carved out of marble, embodying Venus and ready to give birth to a bunch of alien babies.
7. Shout Out Louds, Optica - This is an exercise in legibility like going to the eye doctor, except this time I can actually read it without feeling awful about myself.
6. One Republic, Native - Taxidermies drank the cool juice and formed this mountain mirage thing. It’s awesome.
5. Kanye West, Yeezus - I don’t want to like this because Kanye West gets top grade in the category of really annoying, still, it’s cool. I bet it cost really expensive to look this cheap.
4. Deafheaven, Sunbather - The music is angry and loud, and the cover dissects letters in half, but it’s like the letters are melting away or sinking which is rad.
3. 2 Chainz, B.O.A.T.S. II ME TIME - 100% see-say, but who cares, yo. Macro wins.
2. Best Coast, Fade Away - This is, like, the best Instagram filter ever.
1. Justin Timberlake, The 20/20 Experience Part 1 - My homeboy JT came out with new music he describes as ‘music you can see’. Ugh, yeah, okay. But I guess his cover portrays just that, so yeah, AWESOME!
— 10 WORST ALBUM COVERS OF 2013
10. Miley Cyrus, Bangerz - This isn’t good. It’s all Miami Vice and shit, and that’s not Hannah Montana or whatever horny version of Hannah Montana she is now.
9. Robin Thicke, Blurred Lines - The look on his face is almost as bad as whatever the hell is going on behind him.
8. Limpbizkit, Ready to Go - Limpbizkit is still around? GAH!
7. Katy Perry, Prism - I get the whole refracting of light thing, but this is bad. Then, they added those flowers and a border. Also, her face. Also, is she holding cellophane?
6. CSS, Planta - Alien heads, don’t get it. Am I supposed to?
5. The Wanted, Word of Mouth - Word of mouth, with words on that mouth. Nope.
4. Yeah Yeah Yeahs, Mosquito - Look, it’s Seed of Chucky getting bit by a spider mosquito and it’s hurting my eyes.
3. Dannii Minoque, This Is It: The Very Best of - Kaleidoscopic disaster.
2. Jellow Biafra and the Guantanamo School of Medicine, White People and the Damage Done - What the fuck is going on here? They gave the baby horns, Julia Robert’s mouth and a third eye. WHY?
1. Sasha Go Hard, Nutty World - Wow, that’s a beautiful cover with great photoshop, said no one with eyes ever.