Trying to be Vulnerable

To be vulnerable is to be undefended. No fortress walls around our hearts. No live ammunition to fire in self defense. When we are vulnerable we are open to being hurt. God offers to remove our hearts of stone and to give us hearts of flesh. God offers to remove the hardness of our hearts. In place of our hard hearts, God offers to give us hearts that are vulnerable—hearts that can feel both pain and joy, hearts that are tender like God’s own heart.

God has been teaching me about vulnerability, showing me that my well-defended, stone heart kept me at a safe distance from others. It created barriers to the genuine expression of love and affection. My stone heart hinders me from receiving God’s love and the love of others, and it keeps me from freely offering loving affection to God and to others.

Almost all of us have wounded hearts. And as a result, most of us have some part of our heart that is defended, hardened. Like stone. We defend and protect ourselves—often without even knowing we are doing so. God has been reminding me that vulnerability is the soil in which all good things grow. Love, connection, intimacy, trust, healing, kindness, honesty, genuineness all grow in the rich soil of our vulnerability.

When we communicate we are revealing who we are, what we believe and what we value. In so doing, we are being vulnerable, thereby risking being attacked.
But without revealing we cannot be known.
Without being known we cannot determine who is trustworthy.
Without trust we cannot have deep and meaningful relationships.

Trying to be vulnerable once again when you have experienced pain and hurt is difficult. It is learning that God doesn’t expect us to do anything we aren’t capable or prepared to do and something he wouldn’t himself do. The perfect example of vulnerability is Jesus coming down from heaven, what is more vulnerable than a baby in our world? In a world where he was vulnerable and faced endless persecution and pain, all because he chose to be vulnerable.

We need to learn that God loves us so much that when we are vulnerable he has us covered, he will not let anything happen that we can’t turn to him about. It’s learning that even in our vulnerability if we are hurt, to turn to God, rather than turn away.

I’ve found that I can’t expect to work on my relationships and communicating without working on being vulnerable. I know it all goes hand in hand but this seems to be my starting point. I’m trying to be vulnerable, it’s hard at first but I’ve found that by spending time talking to God about it that I am growing in ease of it all. It’s going to be hard, it’s going to take time but I know that by being able to do all things through God I will be able to do this.