18 Things I Learned Being 18

1. Buy a lottery ticket once. Enjoy the moment.

2. Try a cigarette. Never try one again.

3. Your friends will let you down. Love them anyway.

4. You will let your friends down. Let them love you anyway.

5. Be a leader even when it’s hard. Even when it sets you apart.

6. Do the hard things. Someone will appreciate it, I promise.

7. People come and people go. Appreciate the time you’re given.

8. Goodbyes are never easy. Learn to let go.

9. A haircut or change of clothes won’t change who you really are.

10. Never be ashamed to sing your heart out in the car with the windows rolled down.

11. Walking with God is like walking on a glass bridge. Sometimes you think you’ll fall. Keep going.

12. Being nervous and afraid is normal. Allow yourself grace.

13. It’s better to be alone than with those you feel unsafe with.

14. Bottling everything up is not a badge of honor. Learn to open up to those around you.

15. Eventually you will collapse. You are not indestructible. Take time to rest.

16. Don’t say yes until you’re truly ready. You’ll be glad you waited.

17. Thankfulness changes everything.

18. Don’t forget who you’ve been. It’ll help you with who you’re becoming.

Memory loss?

Recently I reconnected with an old friend of mine. She’d mention things about our past and things that had happened and I didn’t / couldn’t remember anything. I literally have no memories of being 17/18/19 (got diagnosed with fibromyalgia at 19 & I’m 25 now). I have pretty bad memory anyway but I’ve just noticed a lot more loss recently. Does anyone else have this problem? I’ve spent the entire day trying to remember things more specifically other than “I went out” but not “what happened that time I went out” - I don’t know. I just feel a little like not only have I lost my old ‘self’, I’m also losing the memories associated with that time.

Happy Birthday to me y feliz cinco de mayo! Being 18 is rad but also curiously similar to being 17. Today I took an IB exam and played Cards Against Humanity and ate a mini cake and watched Silicon Valley so it’s been pretty swell, so far i’d recommend adulthood.

18 things I learned while being 18

(Since it’s my last day being 18 I decided to write this)

1. Its ok to be homesick while you’re away at college
2. Dying your hair black is probably a bad decision
3. Eating bananas helps with cramps
4. Don’t ever put someone else’s mental health before your own.
5. If you don’t feel happy in the relationship anymore you should probably   leave.
6. Drinking orange juice in a rush to get to class after you brushed your       teeth is really gross.
7. Don’t wear a white shirt while drinking coffee
8. It’s ok to be nervous at a job interview
9. Going to a different country is the best thing you’re ever going to         experience
10. Getting tattoos hurt
11. Getting tattoos are probably the second best thing you’re ever going to experience
12. Just because you don’t spend as much time with someone doesn’t       mean they’re not still your best friend
13. Texting your grandma isn’t has fulfilling as calling her.
14. Making new friends is difficult.
15. Making new friends is also pretty fucking cool.
16. Making decisions that will change your life are the worst but extremely   necessary.
17. Working out can be fun.
18. People will understand that you have anxiety and are going to help you,  but you have to ask for the help.

Bonus 19. Loving yourself is difficult but it’s worth it all in the end.

i just registered to vote.

wow, i’m feeling that much older.

technically i still have to fill the form and mail it in, but yeah. yay, this is the first 18year old thing i’ve done haha. even though i’ve been 18 for 18 days, dang coincidence much.
Oh and today I officially do not have to be paranoid driving around illegally, because I am insured! woo. I am still waiting on my own car tho, and a job. 

I can’t sleep, i’m waiting for my mom to get home…. I want to go wait in line for the lending library, save some money on some books with my friends, let’s hope she’s too tired and says yes…. I should be there right now but fuck camping out there haha. I’d rather go at 6AM, and pray that the line isn’t too long, It opens at 2pm and closes at 6pm, and by the looks of it, i hope it isn’t as bad as yesterday with a line wrapping around the whole campus. boo, okay, ima go fill out the registration forms.

i’m out. 

Writing this now, God, how I miss the cultural side of eighties – the rhetoric, the raggedy clothes, the politics, gigs you were frightened to go into, Radio 1 when it had weird bits, Channel 4 when it was radical, the NME when it had writers, and the thrill of discovering underground music and new comedy for yourself.

Or maybe I just miss being eighteen, and like all those columnists who turned forty sometime in the late nineties and wrote simultaneous think-pieces on why Punk was the best thing ever, I’m just confusing the thrill of being young with the notion that the era in which I was young was in any way especially creative or remarkable.

—  Stewart Lee, How I Escaped My Certain Fate: The Life and Deaths of a Stand-Up Comedian, 8.
College Roommates: Part 18?

Character: Dean x Reader 
Word Count: 3500-ish
Meanings: Y/N=First Name L/N=Last Name H/C=Hair Colour B/S = Body Shape Y/H = Your Height O/H/C = Other Hair Colour Y/A=Your Age

A/N:  Sorry for the wait but I hope you like this part! Also I’ve got to announce that… I think College Roommates only has 2/3… hopefully 4 but I’m not sure parts to go! It’s nearing an end… I’m not sure yet how I’m going to wrap it up but of course like always, I’ll do my best!

Again, let me know what you think!

Masterlist (including all parts of College Roommates)

Dean left and you put your phone down, letting out a relieving sigh.

You know you’d been unfair towards Dean since the carnival but you just didn’t know how to act and felt a bit tight down.

You were even afraid to say that you were seriously considering getting another room next year. That would be for the best since it was no point hanging around Dean like a pathetic love sick puppy while he didn’t have any interest in you anyway.

You tried to put that aside and had to hurry, getting ready for work.

You went to work that night, expecting another sub session but apparently you’d been misinformed.

“Uhm, why am I not in my room?” You asked one of the girls. “Didn’t Margie tell you?” I just looked at her confused. “Tell me what?” She sighed. “Client changed the appointment to a dom session. He’s got your form etcetera and is in that room. Hurry up or you’ll be late.” She pointed to a door.

“Great. Thanks for the info.” You said sarcastically, referring to being late informed. The girl just shrugged her shoulders and carried on with her work.

Dom session were okay, you being the sub and the client being the dom, but you hadn’t been in one of those sessions for a long time. Then again maybe it would be nice to let somebody else take control and make the decisions for once. Right now you’re kind of tired of deciding what to do, being unable to make up your mind anyway.

You went to one of the changing room, putting on your usual gear. Make-up, mask, corset, stockings and high heels. You went to the room and walked in.

You froze yet again when you saw your dom.

No. Not him. Not the man you’ve been trying to avoid. Tried to get your mind off. Tried to forget, knowing he’ll never be yours. Why? Why is he here?!

“Up for a new game. Sub?” Dean asked. There he was, standing shirtless and only in his jeans like you liked.

You could walk out now and refuse him service but all that would lead you to the same reasoning you had before your very first session. Plus, you didn’t want to refuse him.

Remember, take all the moments he’s willing to share with you. That’s what you’d told yourself that night under the meteorites… Didn’t make this less hard though. This was either going to be amazing or total hell but that’s a risk you’re willing to take.

You looked him over one last time, his eyes focused on yours.  You decided to jump into character like usual, see where that goes. “Yes, sir.” You answered shyly, walking up to him.

You stopped in front of him. Waiting for his order.

Dean let his fingertips go over your arms, making your skin burn and at the same time giving you ice cold shivers.

“Tonight will be according to my rules, same safe words apply though, and you will do as I say.” He stood still behind you and pressed his chest against your back. You could feel his breath nearing your ear. “Understood, sub?” he whispered.

You couldn’t help another shiver, automatically leaning back against him and a moaning sigh. “Yes, sir.” You then felt him giving you a butterfly kiss on your shoulder. “Good.”

He took a step back and walked towards the table, picking up what you assumed was your form. “So you’re okay with, tying/cuffing up, spanking, orgasm denial, begging, pet names, hair pulling?” You nodded. “Answer out loud, sub.” “Yes, sir.” You nodded again.

You were getting majorly aroused just by thinking of what he could do to you, without noticing you were rubbing your thighs against each other for some friction.

Dean put down the paper and walked up to you and took a hold of you hair, rather firm. “What are you doing, sub?” “Waiting in excitement.” He pulled a little at it. “What?” He asked demandingly and you moaned at his action.

Damn hair pull kink, it could hurt a bit but it was also a way to much of a turn on. You tried to get your mind back on track.

“I was trying to relieve the throbbing between my legs, sir. By rubbing my thighs against each other.” You moaned at him, looking straight into his eyes. His pupils were getting bigger, making the green smaller.

“Did I tell you, you could do that?” “No, sir.” “Do good girls get what they want?” Well that was a kind of ironic question. “No, sir.” You answered. “Do you think you should be punished, sub?”

You didn’t even noticed you were holding your breath. “Yes, sir. I do. I-” Dean cut you off by giving you a soft, sweet kiss. He pulled back way to soon.

“Stay here.” He said, releasing your hair and you did as you were told.

He came back and stood straight in front of you. “Don’t move.” He said, he took another step forward, his chest pressing against yours. Making you take in his cologne, his warmth.

You were so intoxicated by him that you hadn’t noticed him taking your wristed, until you heard the clicks. He’s cuffed your hands in front of you.

He let his hands trail from your hands, over your arms, to your shoulders. He took a firm grip on them and started to guide you backwards until you felt the bed behind you.

“You are going to lie here and take it, you’ll take everything I give you and if you come before I say you can then there will be consequences. Understood?” You couldn’t help but let out a whining moan, you sucked at this. You already knew you were not going to make it unless Dean allowed you a quick release. Which definitely wouldn’t happen.

It’s no use saying no so you’ll just have to enjoy what he gives you for as long as he can and then prepare yourself for the punishment.

You nodded. “Yes, sir. I understand.” He gave a soft kiss on your forehead. “Good.” And that’s when you realized. He was rewarding you with soft kisses, like you would reward him by caressing him with your hand. Smart guy.

Dean helped you onto the bed, pushing you on your back. Hovering over you as he did and holding your wrists, positioning your hands above your head. “Now, no touching and hands where I can see them.” “Yes, sir.” You answered.

Dean hovered over you. Knees placed in on either side of one leg, leaning forward on one elbows, which was placed near your shoulder, and the other resting on your hip. Letting his hand go up and down your side, eventually going lower and lower until he was caressing your thigh.

You couldn’t help but move under him, anticipating his touch. He repositioned his elbow so that that hand could grab a hold of your wrists, holding them still. “Don’t move.” He said warningly, you nodded in response.

His other hand continued to caress your thigh as he started to kiss your neck. Oh. My. God. Stop teasing me and carry on with it!

It’s as if he heard your silent and demanding request because his hand finally reached your lips below. You moaned at finally feeling some kind of touch there. You could also feel Dean smile against your neck. “Did I do this?” He let one finger go between your lips, feeling how wet you are. “Are you this wet because of me?” “Yes.” He softly bit at your earlobe, clearly having his hands to occupied to properly punish you for not addressing him as ‘sir’.

He let his finger circle around your clit. Avoiding it and your opening, just circling around it. You could feel your entire body heat up and instinctively let your leg, the one that was between his legs, move upward. Rubbing your leg against his dick through his pants.

You expected him punish you but instead he stopped kissing you, moving his face towards yours and kissed you. Rutting his dick against you, rubbing up and down your leg, feeling him become harder. You wanted him so bad.

He suddenly retreated, making you whine at the loss of his body heat. He was breathing heavily, he got off the bed and soon returned. Positioning himself like before, close but now with both his legs in between your so that you couldn’t rub him anymore. That’s just mean.

“Remember, you are not allowed to come unless I say so.” You nodded. He revealed the toy he’d grabbed, a vibrator. He’s not going to do what you think he is.

And yes he did, he put on the vibrator and immediately put it at your wet lips. He had to move one hand again to keep your wrist down.

After what seemed like forever he finally put the tip of the vibrator inside of you. Teasing you with it.

You whined at the lack of penetration but as soon as you let out the whine Dean pushed the vibrator completely inside of you, making you gasp.

“Fuck.” You muttered. Dean ignored it. Instead he started to kiss your collarbones and went down as far as possible without the corset getting in the way. He started to suck and nibble at the top of your breast.

You couldn’t keep the moans in. Having to try and keep your orgasm at bay made you moan louder and gasp like crazy. Trying to think of the most awful thing still wasn’t keeping your orgasm at bay.

You felt yourself getting closer and closer as Dean moved the vibrator violently inside of you. You couldn’t help but arch your back, making your chest and stomach press against him.

“Not yet, sub.” He said as he continued his attack on the top of your breasts. “I can’t.” You moaned out. “Yes, you can.” He said and then you could feel his thumb rubbing at your clit.

That was it, you were done for, feeling the warmth tightening and going right through you. Shutting your eyes and pressing yourself up against Dean again, rubbing yourself against him. Dean continued to rub your clit, making it over sensitive but also keeping you at your high. Making you able to fully ride out your orgasm to the point of tears.

He finally stopped, pulling back and you let yourself drop down. Trying to catch your breath and figure out what the fuck had just actually happened.

“What did I say about coming?” He asked warningly. It took you a little while to answer, being totally out of breath and feeling fuzzy. “That I’m not allowed without your consent.” You answered, he tossed the vibrator aside and you felt both his hands going into your hair. “Sir.” You quickly finished. “That’s right and what were the consequences if you did come, sub.” “I would get punished.”

Dean pulled you hair harder then he’s done before. “Do you understand why?” “Yes, Dean. I misbehaved, I deserve to be punished” You answered out of breath.

You opened your eyes and saw him taking in a sharp breath. Feeling him buck against you and letting his head rest at the nap of your neck, giving it butterfly kisses again with some soft biting in between. Trailing kisses from your collarbone to your neck and to your ear, biting softly at the earlobe.

“Do you have any idea what you do to me?” He groaned in your ear. You didn’t answer, you couldn’t, instead you moaned and let your face go sideways so that your cheek was grazing his. Caressing him the only way you could.

You didn’t think anymore about your sub role and just nudged your head against his, making him turn towards you and capturing his lips. No tong, no battle or crap like that. Just a very intense kiss, caressing his lips with yours. You both let out moans.

He pulled back, leaving you breathless, pulling you up. “Time for your punishment, sub.” He helped you move as he sat himself on the side of the bed. “Lie down.” He said firm. You did as you were told and lied on his lap, your ass sticking up.

You still felt week from your previous orgasm when Dean started to rub your ass. He softly patted your ass with one hand. Then out of nowhere he gave a hard slap, making you yelp in surprise.

“You’ll tell me if this is to much, right?” He slapped your ass cheek, making you moan. “Yes, sir.” He rubbed his hand over your burning cheek, before giving it another slap and another and another and another.

“So, you will tell me the truth?” You nodded in response, to occupied with your current punishment.

“Who are you?” “I’m your sub, sir.” You felt another, rougher, smack on your behind. “The truth. Who are you?” That was a bit of a weird question. What did he mean? “I’m your sub.” He put his hand on your ass and firmly, nearly painfully, squeezed. “Don’t disobey me.”

You turned your head to look at him. “I’m not disobeying you sir, I’m only here to make you feel good.” You answered. You expected him to give up like other dom’s had done in the past but Dean didn’t. Instead he pulled you up and sat you down next to him, his hand landing on the back of your neck. Pulling you closer to him.

“What’s your name?” He whispered. No. no, no, no, NO! “I can’t tell you that, you know that.” You answered nervously.

“Why won’t you tell me it’s you? Why won’t you be honest with me.” He asked you, now nearly pleading and with a sad look in his eyes.

“Because I can’-” “Yes, you can. One simple word, your name, that’s all Y/N.” You froze. “C’mon Y/N, I need to hear you say it. It’s you, isn’t it? Why won’t yo-”

Suddenly the door opened and one of the security guys came in. “Session is over. Get your stuff.” Dean went over to the guy and said some things but you didn’t listen, you were to amazed at the fact that Dean knew it was you.

One of the girls came and un-cuffed you. “Miss. Martinez wants to speak to you.” She whispered at you. Shit, that’s not good.

You finally snapped out of it and looked up as Dean was guided out of the door, not seeing his face.

How long had he known?

You changed and walked into Martinez’s office.

“Sit down, Y/N.” You did as you were told. “Do you know that boy?” “Yes.” You answered, not daring to look at her, feeling like a child scolded by it’s mother. “Who is he?” You internally sighed, this conversation was going the wrong way. This is not good. “He is my roommate.” Martinez stayed silent for a while. “And you know that it is forbidden in this practice to treat customers that are acquaintances.” “Yes.” You whispered.

After what seemed like forever you finally had the guts to look at her. She had this angry look over her but at the same time it seemed like she couldn’t fully express it.

“Is he dangerous?” “No.” You answered. “Is he a stalker.” “No!” You answered quickly, at least you didn’t think Dean was. Now that Martinez mentions it, you can understand why Dean could be seen as a stalker though.

Miss Martinez expression changed from anger to one of sadness.

“I’m glad to hear that and I love you Y/N, like a child of my own but I have to protect my other children too. Protect this club that keeps us clothed, fed and in business. I’ve got certain rules to follow and maintain.” You nodded. You know what was going to come.

“I’m sorry Y/N but you’re fired, please grab your stuff and leave.” You nodded. Feeling tears roll over you cheek, you couldn’t help it and couldn’t stop it either. You stood up and slowly made your way towards the door and turned around one last time. “Thank you for giving me a chance, miss.” Miss Martinez stood up and grabbed you in her embrace shushing you as you started to cry harder.

Not only had you lost your job again, which might be for the best even if you’re absolutely not able to see that right now. It’s also was one big mess with Dean. The man you loved knew you worked here, which in the end would make for an even bigger confused feelings and living situation then that it already was.

How were you going to face him?

Well the answer to that was ‘really soon’ apparently.

You had packed your stuff and walk down the street when you saw Dean, apparently he had been waiting for you. He tried to approach you but you walked away quicker.

“Go away.” Dean was now getting closer, walking behind you. “C’mon Y/N, we need to talk” “Not now.” “Y/N-” Dean tried again but you turned around sharply, making him stop in his tracks and cutting him off. “I said not now!”

C’mon, you didn’t know what to say, you didn’t even know what to think! Let alone have a conversation about this with him, you’re sure you’ll only screw it up even more if that’s even possible. Maybe you should’ve watched more Dr. Phil or Oprah or read more romance novels shit or something like that so that you’d at least know what to do!

You snapped out of it as you looked at Dean. He rubbed his neck and you realized, you didn’t even know what he was thinking now. You didn’t want to think or talk about it right now. You turned around and started walking again.

Dean sighed behind you. “What are you doing?” “Getting away from you.” You yelled back, you could hear Dean following you again. “Don’t do this Y/N, c’mon let me give you a ride.” “No.” His voice now seemed slight angry. “You’re not going to walk home in the dark. That’s to dangerous and a nearly 2 hour walk!” Obviously, you didn’t care. “Yes, I am!” You then felt him grabbing your arm.

“Y/N please, get into the car.” He seemed to be pleading. His voice switched from anger to very soft in his request. Even through your confusion and anger your heart seemed to break because of it.

You then thought to yourself that you didn’t really feel like walking, paying for a bus or taxi. You sighed and ripped your arm out of his grip. You walked around him, towards his car, getting into the passenger seat.

Dean soon got in as well. He stayed quiet for a bit before turning to you. “Y/N, I’m sorry. It might’ve not been the right time but I just… I couldn’t ke-

You could feel your blood boil. Him going all innocent, apologizing and shit making you feel even crappier to begin with for the situation you continued, escalated and made worse. NO. He was not going to make you feel any guiltier then you already felt!

“No Dean, it wasn’t the right time and also I can’t believe you actually got me fired. AGAIN! What the FUCK is WRONG with you!” You yelled out at him.

He apparently didn’t see it coming and stayed quiet until he whispered. “You got fired?” “YES!” You yelled back. Dean didn’t say anything but you could see a very faint smile creeping up his face. What an asshole!

You angrily crossed your arms and leaned backwards as you watched out of the side window. Dean started the car and drove back towards the apartment.

It was silent. Deadly silent, you were angry and Dean didn’t say anything either but you knew that on some level Dean must be angry too and to be honest you don’t understand anything anymore!

You tried to not keep thinking about it as you stared out of the window.

Not knowing whether you’re happy or terrified to go back to the apartment.

Part 19?

I’ve seen a lot of people HCing older kids as Lev

Isn’t part of horror the fact that he’s still so young? He’s supposed to be 13 y/o at the beginning! A baby!

How about someone actually that age playing him? Ty Simpkins, for example:

He’s actually 13 years old, and he’s already been in a ton of movies, including Iron Man 3, Insidious, and he’s going to be in the new Jurrasic World movie. Wouldn’t he be a perfect Lev? :D

18 new things to do while I'm still 18.

1) Go on a roadtrip. A proper one.

2) Get closer with my sister before I (hopefully) go to uni.

3) Kiss a stranger… or anyone.

4) Go clubbing. (I guess I have to at least once).

5) Be confident with the way I look.

6) Start running.

7) Move out, (go to uni.)

8) Meet new people.

9) Start writing that book.

10) Read - just for fun again.

11) Watch Ted - because it looks hilarious.

12) Embrace the mess that is my hair.

13) Try and let myself fall in love.

14) Start planning my travels around the world.

15) Accept the fact I can’t dance and just have fun with it.

16) Rollerskate. Go to a roller-rink!

17) Stay up all night for a good reason.

18) Lay out under the stars with people I care about.

This was way harder than I anticipated…