Alright, I´m totally unsure about this now. I don´think I did it in the way I wanted to…But now I´ve written it…
Yawning Charles took his reading glasses off, shut his book and placed it on the bedside locker. “Not sleepy, daring?” he murmured while switching out his light. “Mmhhh…one minute…,” was the incidentally answer while she eagerly turned the page of her book.
Rolling his eyes Charles sunk down into the pillow, though he bemused watched his wife imbibing the words of the bestseller in her hands. He probably hadn´t met another person in his life who devoured all sorts of books in the mass and, most of all, tempo that Camilla did. Well, maybe Bruce, her late father. But, whomever asked her for a book of whatever, she for sure had already read it.
Indulgent he smiled and his index finger slipped up and down her lower arm. Camilla took this as a sign and sighing shut her book. Why on earth the days have no more hours? She could easily fill them…
“Alright,” she muttered and laid her book and glasses on her locker as well. And as always Charles grabbed her hand immediately, but tonight even before she had switched out her light. And he hold her tight and a way she knew that his day wasn´t finished yet.
He still had something on his mind, of course he had. They had talked about it since days, since weeks actually, and though this day wasn´t easy, for them both. She admired Charles for staying so calm and self-controlled most of the time. But if they had a moment just for themselves, things looked different and she had done anything to free him from his heartaches…
He scrambled over to her bedside and his arm slipped under her body. Camilla flung her left arm around his neck and her right hand rested on his upper arm. She tried to see his eyes, but just slowly his tired gaze appeared out of the darkness.
Charles eagerly stared at her as well and sighing smiled in adoration as he could watch into her shining diamonds, full of love for him. Camilla touched his face and breathed: “I love you, darling. You have done so well.” Her thumb slipped over to his lips tenderly and back to the cheekbone.
Charles smiled a bit wider and his gaze changed even more into total confidence and gratefulness for her. He hold her tighter and stroke along her cheek: “I never had come through this without you, darling. Never.” His voice was low and determined, but also kind of desperate. Tenderly he pecked her lips, as carefully as he would kiss an invaluable treasure. In his eyes he did just right now.
Camilla embraced him more, her right hand had touched his neck and pressed his face against her. She fondled his neckline and almost inaudible breathed: “I know. But your old bag will be there for you till the end of all days.”
Charles nodded into her cheek and scrambled between her legs. Both his arms had wrapped her now and he deeply inhaled her wonderful smell that let him always feel at home.
His thoughts wandered back to this day, the day he had longed for so much. But this was also the day he scared deeply, because he was unsure what would wait for him and if it would reopen old sores. And, if he could pull himself together when he stands at the place for the first time that turned his life upside down almost thirty six years ago.
Luckily no press and no public was around as they met the people who had watched the horrible scene as the boat exploded and tried to help. And found his wounded family, and his dead uncle and cousin and their boat mate.
And luckily no press and public was around as they made their steps into Classiebawn Castle, Uncle Dickie´s summer home. Charles still felt the lump in his throat and his clenched stomach, as he breathed the air in the entrance hall. It was fuggy and in the light that fell through the windows he could see hovering the dust. And he knew it was so ridiculous, but for a moment he had a feeling Uncle Dickie would turn round the corner in the next minute.
Camilla had watched him, her eyes had changed into a light worried gaze, but she knew he just had to face it now. She linked arm with him, but said nothing for the moment. Thankfully he looked at her, gulped and nodded. He was ready, just had to be ready…
…They were left alone as they stood in Uncle Dickie´s former bedroom. Everything had changed here, it had turned into a modern home. But neither he nor Camilla were interested in it, probably hadn´t realised that it was furnished here at all.
They just stood there, in front of the huge panorama window, tightly wrapped into each other. Their gazes were focussed on the breathtaking view across the bay of Mullaghmore. The sea was smooth and the sun reflected in the light waves, it looked just beautiful and full of peace. But it felt treacherous.
Camilla could hear his heart pounding like mad against her ear that rested on his chest. He tried to hold back his jerks and the feelings which slowly came up from the ground of his heart. But his fingers had deeply clawed into his wife and his face was deep reddened.
Over and over his brain repeated the scene he had seen so often in the TV. But just right now it was like real, as if the remains of the destroyed boat still bopped up and down there in the water. It was like if it had happened just moments ago, as if just seconds before someone told him the terrible news. He felt lost like thirty six years before, it was just that different as the only person he needed to survive was in his arms now, and not hundreds of miles away from him.
Sobbing he looked down at her, Camilla had already lifted up her head and watched him with wide eyes, full of tears. She also remembered the terrible moment as she switched on the TV with the Breaking News, and she still had the ring of the phone in her ears with Charles in the line.
But most of all her heart ached for him now, she always had hated to see him in pain. But it just had to be now, and she kissed his trembling lips. “Let it loose, darling…,” her words were almost inaudible, but for Charles is was the last step.
Eventually hot tears flooded down his face and he hung in her arms like a small child. But it weren´t so much bitter tears as in the years before, this tears seemed to wash something away. The more tears he wept, the smaller got the burden he still carried somewhere inside. It was healing, much more as he ever had imagined.
It felt as if he slowly got out of the middle of the scene, as he just was an onlooker now. It was still sad and terrible, but it didn´t bring him down any longer. Charles knew now that this place had waited for him, to bring it to an end one day…
The tears still flooded down on him, but he felt light and relieved and freed. And he felt them kissed away from soft lips in the same way like thirty six years before. As he totally exhausted, like drowning and after a long travel, had arrived in the only place that made sense to him.
Sniffling and still sobbing he fondled her back tightly with both his hands and smiled lovingly to her. If only Uncle Dickie could see that he, Charles, was right. Right from the start, that he and Camilla were made for each other. That they were meant to be together, that there wasn´t one single second they didn´t love one another since meeting for the first time. That they made each other happy, endless happy. And, a fact Uncle Dickie really, really was wrong about: that she was the perfect consort for him, that she was born to be his princess. And his future queen…
The blanket was slipped aside and Camilla covered them again, angling for it with one hand as she hold Charles still tightly. It was rather cold here, Lough Cutra Castle was lovely, but in no way lagged against the nasty weather.
Her hands travelled up and down his back before she hold his head again: “How are you, darling?” she breathed. Charles deeply exhaled and aspirated a kiss on her cheek: “Better. Much better.” He moved lightly and his right arm slipped under her neck. His upper body lifted up, though his face was just inches away from hers.
She couldn´t see his eyes clearly, but enough to feel that he flooded over with his feelings. His feelings for her and the memories of this day.
With an enraptured smile he bent down again and kissed her. Tenderly, grateful and full of love. It prickled on her lips, and she kissed him back. “Love you, darling. So much. Forever,” she mumbled into his lips.
Charles wistful sighed and stroke her hair, while he pressed her stronger against him. Her words, her lips, her warm and soft body under him gave him so much, as always. And he really needed it just right now, it was like balm on his soul, and he kissed her more determined.
“We have to sleep now…,” Camilla mumbled, as she felt where this could lead to now. “Mmhh…” Charles answered, but his tongue already tickled along her lips. Never in this life she could resist this, and probably never wants to. Almost on its own her lips opened and half the way their tongues met. It wasn´t so much a passionate kiss, still it was deep but also full of comfort and most of all, love for one another.
Her hands rushed already through his hair as she tried anew: “Not now, darling…” but Charles had already tenderly grabbed her right breasts and caressed her. She ended her words with a soft moan that was covered again from Charles lips and tongue.
And she couldn´t do anything against her hand that wandered down between their bodies and slipped under Charles pyjama. He sharply exhaled as she grabbed his penis and gently rubbed him in the rhythm of their kiss, and a few minutes later she had freed him out of his clothes. Charles kneeled in front of her, his breath run through his open mouth and he watched into her adoring eyes and felt her hands tenderly rubbing up and down his arm. “My beautiful husband…,” she whispered and Charles had almost tears in his eyes.
Suddenly it was there again, the scenes thirty six years ago. It was the second night after Uncle Dickie´s death…and he finally was completely back in her arms. It was like this night, they stared at each other, she had told him that she loved him and his heart bumped like mad in happiness. Yes, he remembered clearly, between all his desperation and grief she had given him happiness.
It wasn´t just a stolen night as the few times before, it was different this time. It was the real start to what they had now.
Yes, now it was very clear to Charles, in this moment then Uncle Dickie had given Camilla back to him. He remembered how he stripped off her nightie as he did now. Slowly, carefully and adoring the body that meant everything to him.
And how he covered her with kisses like he did tonight, and how he was kissed back from her, how they tried to caress each part of their bodies like just in this moment. They had forgotten their blanket as they had forgotten the cold in this room.
And like the night all those years before, it wasn´t so much the passion. It was their longing to be together as close as possible, to be one with their hearts and souls….to heal his, or better, their wounds…
Her head rested on his crossed arms as he laid between her angled legs. And as he slowly entered her, he knew it was the last step for him, for them. Things had come full circle. He finally had said good-bye to Uncle Dickie, he had made his peace, and he laid in the arms of the woman he had always loved and could call his wife now.
Panting he watched her how she slowly got lost under him, how her chest heavy sunk up and down, how she closed her eyes and opened her mouth. He felt that she spread her legs wider and her feet dug deeper into his flesh, and then she embraced him tighter and pressed her face into his cheek. She didn´t moan as she reached her highest point, she just stopped breathing for a second and deeply exhaled then. And then she whispered again and again: “It´s alright, darling. Everything is fine…I love you.”
Until he deeply groaned twice, arched his head back and with a last deep shove reached his climax.
And like thirty six years ago he still was in her as they tightly embraced for a while. It was silent, they just listened to their running breath mutually.
But this night he was really at peace.