Tony-my once best friend
DO NOT READ if abuse/rape is upsetting to you. This post will have violence and abuse in it so I’ll tag it properly. Don’t read if these subjects are triggering to you. Please. This is me finally talking about it. Finally trying to let go of the past. Because I made myself feel so shitty today I’m going to talk about another person in my life. This is someone that literally broke my heart. We were the best of friends I swear. We were both weird and he was openly gay (something I was so afraid to be) he didn’t care what anyone thought about him. He woukd proudly say he was gay. He would openly talk about men he thought were attractive and how women were beautiful too. He seemed to be the nicest guy. I admired this in him. We got really close really fast. We ate together. Slept in the same bed together. Bathed together. We did everything together. It wasn’t weird to us at all. Yeah we were 17. Most people would find this odd but we didn’t care. We had each other and that’s all that mattered. We were best friends and I suddenly felt really happy. But soon things got bad once his father passed away. He began treating me aggressively. Whenever I would try to comfort him he would push me and hit me. I understood that he was suffering. I knew he wasn’t really angry with me. So I let him. I let him hit me and pull my hair. I let him slam me against the wall and choke me. I didn’t take it to heart because I felt he just needed a release. I felt like I was being a good friend. I let this go on for weeks. And it didn’t stop. Our relationship changed drastically. I became afraid of him. I was terrified. I has thoughts of him killing me often. I never let anyone know about this. I never told anyone. I didn’t want to be a /snitch / for telling on him. I didn’t want him in trouble. So I let it happen. One night it got really bad. We were hanging out in my room /which was the garage but transformed into a living area. It was cool/ My father was home at the time but since we were in the garage i dont think he heard anyrhing. If he has he hasn’t said anything. This particular night started out fun. We were playing Kingdom Hearts and just having a good time when he suddenly turned to me and said he loved me. He kissed me. Which to me was strange. He had preached to me that he was only into guys so I was startled. He told me he loved me and that he would “go straight to be with me”…he kissed me agsin and started hugging me and getting affectionate. He asked me for a sexual favor and I declined. He kept asking me and I said no repeatidly. My friend beat the shit out of me and held me down on my bed and choked me. My best friend forced himself on me. He stratched and bit me and tore my clothes from my body. And did what he felt was necessary. I was terrified. I didn’t scream for help. I didnt fight back. I let it happen. I let him. I will never forget that night when he did this. Even writing this I’m getting tears in my eyes because it still hurts. I let him abuse me because I really felt that if he got his anger out he’d go back to his usual happy self. But I was wrong. I know now that letting this happen was so wrong in so many ways. I know that it’s my fault. But I just want people out there who may be in a similar situation. Please don’t let anyone hurt you. Please don’t let anyone bring harm to your body. Whether it be physical or mental abuse, it’s still abuse. Nobody deserves to go through something like that. Ever.