i will message you all, i promise❤️

reblog if you’ve ever;
•starved yourself
•worked out until you passed out because you ate too much
•had thoughts of suicide and/or attempted
•cried yourself to sleep
•felt worthless or hopelessness
•hated yourself because of your weight and/or looks
•thought you weren’t good enough to live


Life Lately, 

I really missed doing this blog segment! I somehow lost the drive to write about my personal life and focused on being a studyblr instead! But after reading some of the personal blogs that I follow over here, I just had this sudden pang deep inside! So here I am again and I will share about what happened in my life lately!

I’ve been going out and about since the start of the year actually. At that time I still didn’t have my iphone so I didn’t really bother documenting my days because who loves crappy camera shots? No one. So yeah, my January went undocumented but it was mostly days of bonding with my little cousin. It all went by too fast, really and the first two weeks of February were no different. My grandma got sick so I was almost left home alone most of the time. There were days though when we ate out like the time we checked out a new place called Cafe Racer! I will blog about the cafe soon so do watch out for it. It’s a real cool place, I mean how adorable is that Volkswagen-turned-cafe counter? It was definitely a unique idea!

And of course, can we just talk about the recently concluded Valentine’s day? I wish I was spared from that dreadful day! Haha! Nah, I’m really okay with seeing couples everywhere while I’m just there… alone. Haha I’m just really glad I survived! I’m also really thankful to have my family who never failed to make me feel loved. My sister gave my mom and I oreo cheesecake cupcakes which were crazy delicious! We celebrated the hearts day by going out for dinner in a Thai restaurant and having my tummy full was already a good celebration for me! :)

How about you guys? How have you all been? I do hope you are all okay. By the way, thank you for the 3k followers! I really appreciate it! Ciao! :)

Tony-my once best friend

DO NOT READ if abuse/rape is upsetting to you. This post will have violence and abuse in it so I’ll tag it properly. Don’t read if these subjects are triggering to you. Please. This is me finally talking about it. Finally trying to let go of the past. Because I made myself feel so shitty today I’m going to talk about another person in my life. This is someone that literally broke my heart. We were the best of friends I swear. We were both weird and he was openly gay (something I was so afraid to be) he didn’t care what anyone thought about him. He woukd proudly say he was gay. He would openly talk about men he thought were attractive and how women were beautiful too. He seemed to be the nicest guy. I admired this in him. We got really close really fast. We ate together. Slept in the same bed together. Bathed together. We did everything together. It wasn’t weird to us at all. Yeah we were 17. Most people would find this odd but we didn’t care. We had each other and that’s all that mattered. We were best friends and I suddenly felt really happy. But soon things got bad once his father passed away. He began treating me aggressively. Whenever I would try to comfort him he would push me and hit me. I understood that he was suffering. I knew he wasn’t really angry with me. So I let him. I let him hit me and pull my hair. I let him slam me against the wall and choke me. I didn’t take it to heart because I felt he just needed a release. I felt like I was being a good friend. I let this go on for weeks. And it didn’t stop. Our relationship changed drastically. I became afraid of him. I was terrified. I has thoughts of him killing me often. I never let anyone know about this. I never told anyone. I didn’t want to be a /snitch / for telling on him. I didn’t want him in trouble. So I let it happen. One night it got really bad. We were hanging out in my room /which was the garage but transformed into a living area. It was cool/ My father was home at the time but since we were in the garage i dont think he heard anyrhing. If he has he hasn’t said anything. This particular night started out fun. We were playing Kingdom Hearts and just having a good time when he suddenly turned to me and said he loved me. He kissed me. Which to me was strange. He had preached to me that he was only into guys so I was startled. He told me he loved me and that he would “go straight to be with me”…he kissed me agsin and started hugging me and getting affectionate. He asked me for a sexual favor and I declined. He kept asking me and I said no repeatidly. My friend beat the shit out of me and held me down on my bed and choked me. My best friend forced himself on me. He stratched and bit me and tore my clothes from my body. And did what he felt was necessary. I was terrified. I didn’t scream for help. I didnt fight back. I let it happen. I let him. I will never forget that night when he did this. Even writing this I’m getting tears in my eyes because it still hurts. I let him abuse me because I really felt that if he got his anger out he’d go back to his usual happy self. But I was wrong. I know now that letting this happen was so wrong in so many ways. I know that it’s my fault. But I just want people out there who may be in a similar situation. Please don’t let anyone hurt you. Please don’t let anyone bring harm to your body. Whether it be physical or mental abuse, it’s still abuse. Nobody deserves to go through something like that. Ever.

Upd8 eyyyy

((Yo guys, tiny update! Sorry for being missing and not interacting with people this weekend; Saturday was nice and fun until i accidentally ate a coffee filled truffle. Now as some of you might know, im allergic to caffeine, so that didnt go down too well. Thankfully I was home and my medicine as well as my phone was nearby. I was taken to the clinic but like I said we acted fast and I stayed safe. All in all everything is ok and its really funny because it was my boyfriends first time seeing me have a reaction. Poor thing was freaking out lmao. Im home now, and will continue to update starting tonight!! Thank you for your understanding!!))

I ate my Subway waaaaay too fast and now I think my tummy is gonna explode and Imma die good bye all someone please take care of my fish because my roommates will probably eat him like they keep telling me they will


this little shit here showed up at our house two weeks ago looking for food and water so we gave her food and water and she’s been with us ever since. she looked really unhealthy and underweight for how old she looked and now she’s perfect, she looks like a proper well fed kitten, god knows how long she was out there for too because she ate so fast. i’m happy to have adopted her though because we can see that she’s happy that we’ve taken her in. i decided to name her haru after one of the main characters from the cat returns ^.^


I continued with the beginner’s calendar from blogilates. I also went for a 20 min walk. My diet wasn’t the best today though. I ate too much carbs, so tomorrow will be one of seven days of fasting this month. Seven days because I ate seven days long way too much and this is a way for my body to recover.

But I can tell you that I feel a lot better now. There is no way back now; I need to lose this weight. I need to control my binging. If I don’t do so, I will get overweight and unhealthy. I want a healthy future, I want to be a healthy old lady when I am older. I don’t want to be 70 years old and not be able to walk. That is one of the reasons why I started being healthier. 

oh fuck oh fuck I almost threw up toast in public but I only threw up water but it was still embarassing af because I Fucking threw up and j thinkjust need a break i haveta sit down I think I ate too fast my stomach is not well now

I can honestly say that today I feel ridiculously overwhelmed.  Work wasn’t too horrible.  But trying to get to navy fed to deposit my check was ridiculous.  Traffic was horrible.  And it was so slammed I couldn’t even get in.  So I went home frustrated.  Then David told me that the dog pooped in the house.  I was expecting that because he was being a little jerk-face refused to go potty before I left for work.  Last night he got into the garbage again.  Then the cat ate too much too fast and puked next to my side of the bed.  The dog puked by the bathroom in the middle of the night.  And again while I was at work.   Add in the fact I haven’t been able to get the house to stay clean…Ugh.  Its been a very frustrating day.  

But David cleaned up the dog mess downstairs then took me to the bookstore.  We now have GOT season 4 and finally signed up for a Barnes and Noble membership.  I treated myself to a lovely lush bath and David is making dinner.  I feel so much better already.  Even if I currently want to clean every inch of the house.  I need to relax.  Thankfully I have a lunch Date with Julia tomorrow.  Because girl time is much needed.  This post has been much longer than I intended it to be.  

doesnotloveyou replied to your post “I’m having pre-social situation anxiety like I’m meeting with a…”

I understand, I do that too. Do the thing anyway, you’ll be glad you did. Sorry about the puppy.

naturalshocks​ replied to your post “I’m having pre-social situation anxiety like I’m meeting with a…”

shhh it’s okay, I’ll keep the blanket warm and maybe there’ll be pizza

Thanks babes, I went and it was loads of fun and time went really fast so IT WAS GOOD. It was a bit empty without the dog. =( 
P.S. Maybe save the pizza for later because I ate too much cheesecake.

I am far too scared to weigh myself. I know I have put on so much weight, went on holiday and all I ate was junk food, and it’s all I’ve eaten since I’ve got back. So ashamed of myself, feel horrible and ugly, don’t like wearing half my clothes anymore because you can see my fat stomach and thighs. Let myself fall back into old habits.
Starting a detox, nothing entering my system expect tea, green tea, black coffee, and water. 
Going to weigh myself in the morning and then begin from there, can’t let myself get any worse than I already am. 
Weigh in tomorrow, and then next Sunday. I will get the body I want, next wage is going on a monthly gym membership. It’s a 24 hour gym too, so excited to start, always have restless nights and find myself sitting around doing nothing, but a 15 min walk away and I can smash the gym for at least an hour then go home and get in bed.
Plan of action:
Fast for 2 weeks, until 10th of March for detox.
Slowly begin eating healthy food, fruit and veg mainly, avoid all dairy (lactose intolerant anyway) and minimal meat. Take vitamin supplements daily and do mini home workouts as much as possible. 
Wish me luck, I’m going to need it. 

anonymous asked:

To the anon yesterday that asked about doing the 30 DS fasted: I always did it before eating breakfast because I would feel sick if I ate first and I never had any trouble with it :) I don't think it's too bad! I do morning tempo runs as well on an empty stomach :) xx

Ash Wednesday hype! Lent day 1 of 40, people.
I unfortunately won’t be going to Mass today, but I am fasting. I ate a bowl of cereal earlier and now nothing but water and gum until sunset, at which point I will eat something small because Mom gets really pissy if I don’t. This will repeat every Lenten Friday too.
I’m not sure if I’ll give up anything else. We’ll see.

ughhh i might actually have to go to screening tonight if I can’t find this damn movie online.

on another note my stomach now feels like shit because I ate too fast »