I kissed the forehead of a prince and waited for him to become a toad but I didn’t wait long enough I left before he proved me right nothing in this world is cold enough to stop the pounding in my head I always hear rushing water the rain has stopped but the rivers flooding I hear you in my dreams and I wished I had said all the ways that I love you when you were here but I didn’t listen to you enough and I couldn’t tell anyone your favourite colour I wish I was different I wish I was different I wish I was different but I’m stuck in this same place kissing the same boys and wishing they were her and now I’m running in circles and its so different to be in a place where people actually want to talk to you my nanna died of cancer and nothing has been the same since she left me here my family has finished mourning but I’m scared that ive only just begun I cant afford to break my own heart anymore I cant erase their faces my name is letters on a clean crucifix god is dead he dances with Satan how could they let the planes fall from the sky I saw a baby with two front teeth and he bit an apple so hard that his fingers bled I saw his mother cry everyone here is so desperate to escape I wish I knew how to make myself bigger and better I am concaving there is something in my heart that is refusing to take a breath it feels like I’m standing on top of a mountain in the middle of the summer and there’s nothing but heat on my body I’m trying to claw away my skin but it refuses to come off I cut open my heart once and bled it onto my bedroom floor and watched my mother try to wash the stains from the carpet I can hear bees as they try to make their queen happy if the queen dies the hive dies nothing makes sense in my head anymore I spend all of my energy trying to weave through thoughts that aren’t connected somewhere over the rainbow way up high I wish there was a way to end a sentence without wanting to die