My closest friend is pan, just like me, and she went to a gay bar last night with her boyfriend (he's trans) and gays and lesbians were looking at them with contempt, and this men got close and said "ummm sorry but, this is a gay bar, you guys shouldn't be here, it's a little offensive" so my friend's boyfriend literally pulled out his phone and looked for a picture of him before transition and the gay men just apologized and left with his head down, and i was so fucking pleased to hear that
i honestly really don’t like this message like basically you’re implying that if a girl is dating a trans guy it’s actually gay even though it’s… a girl dating a guy. like obviously your friend is not straight and so she should be able to access lgbt+ spaces like gay bars but that doesn’t change the fact that she’s a girl dating a guy. even if she doesn’t define her relationship as straight (which she shouldn’t have to, being pan), i can understand why some gay people would be offended that somebody would be in a gay bar with their opposite-gender partner, especially if they’re doing some PDA or something. whether people at the bar should have been offended that she was there i’m kinda on the fence on (it’s not like she was kicked out of a pride parade or an lgbt support group or some other lgbt space that’s meant as a nice inclusive lgbt safe space; gay bars are kinda meant as places for guys to safely flirt and dance with other guys and girls to safely flirt and dance with other girls and if you’re in a relationship with someone of the opposite binary gender, i can definitely see why some people wouldn’t like you being there) but what i’m not on the fence on about is the fact that it’s transphobic as fuck that she showed gay people pictures of her boyfriend pre-transition to “prove” that she belonged there or something. like “look, he used to be a girl so really we’re a female/female couple and therefore it’s fine that we’re here!” a much better response on her part would be to just explain that she’s pan and (with his permission) that he’s trans. and if people still don’t want them there, maybe just go to another fuckin bar.
edit: i slightly misread the original message; i was thinking that your friend was the one showing the pictures on her phone. now that i know it was the trans guy doing it himself and not his girlfriend outing him without his permission, this pisses me off significantly less. but it still kinda pisses me off because regardless of what he “used to be”, he’s a guy and she’s a girl. and a guy and a girl shouldn’t go be obviously affectionate in a gay bar because that’s not what gay bars are for. if the trans guy in question passes, which it sounds like he does, they’d be perfectly safe PDAing it up in a straight bar, yknow?