Feel. Breath. Let go.
For as long as I’ve known I had a weird relationship with emotions and feelings.. For too long I wasn’t allowed to express myself as it felt on the inside. The fact that I’ve also suffered from RBF didn’t really help me out much either. My grandmother used to call me a bulldog when I was a little girl because of this.
Shiny sparkly ADD moment: I really must deeply thank whomever came up with term Resting Bitch Face because it makes explaining my at times emotionless face slightly easier without having to go through the whole… “Are you mad?… No… Are you ok?… Yes…. Are you SURE??….” argy-bargy.
….ok where was I? Right.. Feelings….
So after many many years of being told to be quiet, go away, STOP CRYING… I developed a very hard exterior that has nothing but white chocolate raspberry fluff on the inside. Downplaying or even dismissing a child’s emotions can cause for a serious re-adjustment phase as an adult in that department. I’m speaking for myself and an unofficial unscientific poll I’ve been taking for years unbeknownst to myself. You know until the little synapses starting going *click click click click-click* and I said “wait a fucking minute!”
This can be very telling of the environments we were in as children (in my opinion of course). It’s not to say our parents/caretakers didn’t love us or care (or maybe they really didn’t). They just didn’t know how to handle some hard things and unfortunately something as beautiful and as natural as emotions and feelings falls under some hard things to talk about. Because the likelihood of their parents doing that to them is very high and so on and so forth.. You get the picture. It’s a hard habit to break.
So after too long of holding in my emotions.. My feelings.. My true voice.. My true being at HEART.. I decided to just let it all go. So what if a beer commercial during the Super Bowl makes me cry in front of a burly stud of a man.. If I start getting misty eyed at the sight of a child jumping on and playing with their sibling.. Who cares if I start to cry during an interview for an intern at a service shelter (true story.. pretty sure that’s why I didn’t get the internship).. So fucking what if listening to singers on The Voice makes me all giddy and tingly on the inside and all you see are tears rolling down my cheeks… No matter the situation, the overwhelming feeling that comes over you to express yourself in such a manner should NEVER be held back.. It’s happening for a reason.. Flow with it.. See where it takes you and where you end up afterwards.
Laugh, smile, hug someone.. Cry it out with your friend.. Life is full of experiences and by holding ourselves back for a select few around us we are missing out on potentially pivotal moments in our life. Crying doesn’t make you weak, inferior, crazy, psychotic or any other names that are usually associated with someone that’s showing emotions.. Showing vulnerability is one of the strongest things you can ever do.. Expressing your emotions shows you’re far from crazy and just want to be understood and accepted..
And before anyone says… “But what about anger? Frustration? I don’t wanna cry.. I wanna break shit!” Well… This kinda goes the same thing for negative feelings (unless you’re like me and even in anger tears can come streaming down my face). They are there for a reason.. Don’t ignore them. As I have told my son, there is nothing wrong with FEELING mad but there is something wrong when you REACT to it.. Lashing out, turning into a bully or becoming abusive in any way.. None of that will help anyone out in the situation. In order to get past this you have to try and understand why you are there. No one should enjoy negative feelings. Quite frankly they suck.. But they are still needed to help us get to the core of any issues we are experiencing. Getting through the negative will make it easier to understand and see the positive in things.
To anyone that has ever felt the urge to hold back.. To fight something that clearly wants to come out.. Let your body cleanse itself. Let your body go through a healing process that it has probably needed for quite some time. So what if you end up getting teary eyed or even full blown ugly snot inducing cry because you’re feeling something.. LET YOURSELF FEEL IT. No one can ever tell you that what you are feeling is anything less than.
Feel. Breath. Let go.