5

My heart is here! After over 24 hours of painful labor, I finally managed to get him out (of course it had to be after my epidural stopped working, a third degree tear, and an episiotomy…). Mason McKinley was born at 10:44 AM yesterday (2/25/2014) weighing 7 lbs 8 oz and measuring 20 3/4 inches. Labor was difficult for him too and he came out stunned (not crying, not really moving much) and he had trouble breathing. His APGAR score at 1 minute was 4 and at 5 minutes it was 7. He is in the NICU for the time being and we were told he probably will be for at least 2 weeks. :( Haven’t been able to hold him yet but the doctor says we should be able to by tonight or tomorrow. Won’t be able to breastfeed for even longer (until he’s off of oxygen).
It’s really depressing but he’s so perfect and making so much progress. I love him so much and can’t wait to take him home.

2

14 long weeks (98 days) to go!!

I have been SO uncomfortable. I know it’s only gonna get worse (hey didn’t i say this last week??) but now sucks too. I’ve still been having trouble sleeping (going to bed after the sun goes up) which makes me thankful I have no responsibilities right now.. Just have no idea what I’ll do when school starts again. Got kinda scared because I wasn’t feeling Mason kick too much at the beginning of the week (2 days straight) but everyday since he’s been practicing his kickboxing skills which is great and makes me happy to see my tummy move and feel him awake. Been having Braxton Hicks contractions going on day 2 now and they’re a little painful but not really getting worse so I guess that’s a good sign.
March just feels so far away and I have so much to do (my last semester of college and moving for example) before I’m even ready for him but I just wish I could skip that stuff. I just want to hold him in my arms.

2

Definitely feeling little kicks now - they aren’t too strong like I imagined but they’re definitely there, especially when I’m trying to sleep. It’s seriously the greatest feeling, knowing he’s okay and I’m never alone.
Been struggling with my depression a lot more lately, and it’s exhausting to be so miserable. I wish I was normal and I could be happy effortlessly - it’s definitely a struggle.
Only 17 short weeks to go. I’m excited and scared and happy all at once. There’s so much to do and time is just slipping by.

So Saturday, Masons doctor said that we could finally come room in at the NICU with Mason and he could go home on Sunday. (That’s the NICU’s policy here - you spend the night with baby and make sure you can take care of them through the night with the nurses nearby before baby is discharged.) anyway spent the night and Sunday morning his nurse came into our room and took him to go draw blood to see what his bilirubin was. It went up to 13 so his doctor wanted to keep him another night, back in the isolette with the phototherapy lights, and eating formula instead of breastfeeding. I was really upset but I’m feeling a lot better this morning. His nurse came and drew blood to check his bilirubin this morning but I haven’t heard what it is yet. Hoping it’s better so we can go home today!