Tony Abbott has recently attempted to eat the royal baby. Kate and William were enjoying their trip around Australia up until they encountered the reptilian Prime Minister. At first they thought he was just eager to greet them until he got closer and they realised his intention was in fact to eat their baby whole like a bird’s egg. The royal couple barely managed to escape with their baby unscathed when Prince William reflected the Australian sun off the bald patch of his head directly into Abbott’s lizard eyes and ran.

A photographer has captured the exact moment that Tony Abbott has realised he has tricked a white middle class suburban family into giving him their baby. Their smiling faces were immediately wiped off their faces a second after the photo was taken when Tony absconded with the baby yelling “FOOLS! You thought you could trust me when I said “please give me your baby I promise I will not eat it”! Haven’t you learned that promises don’t mean shit to me? Thanks for the free meal suckers!” He then ran through the crowd and escaped into the night, calling back “this is a metaphor for our nation!” before disappearing entirely.

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