azzandra

woo here we go round 2! round 1 can be found here

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1. 30th Century Night by Asuka Kureru on ao3 | words: 12000 | Explicit; underage | Oneshot | Pairing: Dave/Karkat

"I know it’s not a nice solid dumpster," said the douche in a rumpled three-piece suit, "but the roof’s not too leaky most days."

Karkat managed somehow to tear his eyes away from the kitschiest sword stand ever and its glittery hopefully-fake diamonds and give the man a long, unamused, unimpressed stare.

 He hoped it was unimpressed. Apartment, his ass, this was a fucking penthouse suite. There were highly polished wooden floors everyfuckingwhere and marble countertops with inlaid fake-gold patterns (dear lord he hoped fake) and a chimney with a flatscreen showing a badly pixelated fire and faced by a fur rug.

 It was ridiculously gaudy. It was also ridiculously expensive.

 Bring a lot of your whores back here, Hefner? Karkat didn’t retort, because hey, he was standing right here, wasn’t he.

super hot, super sad; that seems to be my MO regarding fics. sad prostitute!karkat is my jam.

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2. Absolutely Typical by Leidolette on ao3 | words: 700 | Teen+ | Oneshot | Pairing: John/Rose

John is a brawny guy.

Rose thinks that’s pretty cool.

ugh hallie converted me to grimdorks and now i can’t stop; this fic is no exception. this author writes the characters extremely well and in-character hallelujah.

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3. cork tree-verse by galacticAcolyte (coffee_goth) on ao3 | words: 60,000 Teen+ | WIP | Pairing: Eridan/Aradia

it’s damn near impossible being in love with your best friend.
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and she’s his best friend. just his best friend.

because everyone knows that one plus one equals two, but what if it’s the wrong two? and what if the other ones get their hearts broken? and what if they find someone that understands, the other abandoned one, the discarded puzzle piece that knows exactly how they’re feeling? eridan and aradia might be broken, but maybe they’re broken together. maybe they can un-break each other.

maybe this is their second chance.

eriara is probably one of my favorite pairings. unfortunately, there’s not a whole lot of good, CONSENSUAL, eriara fic out there. This fic, while I was skeptical at first in some parts, proved itself to be one of the best eriara fics ever written. ugh eriara

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4. How You Survived The War by roachpatrol on ao3 | words: 3000 Explicit; underage | Oneshot | Pairing: Jake/Dirk

The Novice Mode is… unsettling, to say the least. Perhaps if it had been installed sooner, before the face had taken on such a strikingly human aspect, you wouldn’t have found yourself in this position. Perhaps if it didn’t look so much like Dirk.

guh this fic. i think this fic is what intially inspired my fascination with jake/bro-bot as a sad, unrequited outlet for jake/dirk.

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5. I Think I’m Confused on ao3 | words: 3200 | Explicit; underage | Oneshot | Pairing: Eridan/Aradia

In which awkwardness and persistence triumph, if “triumph” means “get an alternate universe version of Eridan Ampora laid”; and Aradia isn’t as detached as she might like to think. (This is pure idfic, and I am ashamed.)

yes!! fun, consensual eriara featuring sadsack!eridan and better-than-you!aradia

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6. I’ll Follow You Into The Dark by roachpatrol | words: 2700 Explicit | Oneshot | Pairing: Eridan/Sollux

He heads up to the roof, already chewing on his awful fucking fish, and you know he is going to spend the night bleakly glaring at the stars and smoking thin black overpriced cigarettes and listening to insipid love songs loud enough to get the police called on you.

roachpatrol is one of those fanfiction authors; you know, the type of author who, no matter what pairing they write or weird shit they include, you’re inclined to read everything they write. plus, there’s just something about poor, tortured eridan that literally puts a skip in my step what is wrong with me.

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7. The Slitherbeast King Crowned in Joy and Splendor, All-Surpassing by Cephalopod on ao3 | words: 800 Teen+ | Oneshot | Pairing: Orphaner Dualscar/Darkleer

it’s like summer in the corals when the ocean is too hot, just like this, and the water is made of salt sex and you can breathe it in and see yourself breathe it back out

that’s what you do, you breathe sex back out

(everybody’s a rockstar, aw yeah)

god this fic is just so fantastically written; now, i know what you’re thinking: “what the fuck kind of pairing is that??” and now i have to ask you to click that link just so you can literally soak in the compatibility and ponder why you never shipped these two before

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8. Such Deliberate Disguises by roachpatrol on ao3 | words: 3600 Explicit; underage | Oneshot | Pairing: Eridan/Sollux

You look back up at him and he’s just staring down at you, like just for this one moment you’re beautiful, in this strange secret place, where no one else can see you’re beautiful and he wants you.

um so yeah this is 3600 words of exquisite writing and sex. that’s it that’s the whole thing. well. there’s also crossdressing and angst

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9. uU Yogurt by Sonamae on ao3 | words: 88,000 Explicit; violence | Complete | Pairing(s): Dirk/Caliborn, Calliope/Roxy

Caliborn and his twin, Calliope, both work at their father’s frozen yogurt shop after the local colleges let out, and they have for a few years. While his sister may adore the little hole in the wall shop, Caliborn hates it.

But he hates the customers even more.

And he REALLY hates Dirk Strider.

this fic is so ridiculously fun to read and super well thought-out. every little detail and caveat is so quirky and relatable and by the end of it, you are ridiculously endeared to each character.

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10. Victory Lap by Leidolette on ao3 | words: 2400 Explicit | Oneshot | Pairing: John/Rose

There are four people, three seats, a winding road; and you’re the lucky gal who gets John Egbert’s lap.

grimdorks doing hot, sexy exhibitionist things what else could you possibly want

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11. we are all our hands in holders by roachpatrol on ao3 | words: 9000 Explicit; violence, mpreg, consent issues | Oneshot | Pairing: Eridan/Karkat

“They’re crazy. We’re all crazy. Space makes you crazy. I wish we were told.”

“I’m glad we weren’t,” Eridan says. “It was fun findin’ out.”

this fic is about pirates but it’s also about love and strength and resilience and guh this shit is heartbreaking. 

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12. You Get All Sorts by Azzandra on ao3 | words: 17,000 Not Rated | WIP | Pairing: Eridan/Equius

In which Equius and Eridan cross paths as adults. For now, mostly involves Equius being dismayed by life in the Alternian colonies. Though really just in this one in particular.

a fun, not-very-serious fic. the writing is so stylized and neat ahh

Bonus: so my moirail Hallie writes these really great fics and I’m gonna definitely feature her on this list

Recovery by the Cup by polysterfox on ao3 | words: 700 Teen+ | Complete | Pairing: Calliope/Roxy

"Do you have something against Complacency of the Learned?" She gives you a cold split-second stare.


"No," you grin, "definitely not. I’m pretty damn familiar with the series, actually."

um it’s fucking callierox what’s not to love let’s be real. but no, seriously, she wrote this for me and it’s so uplifting and pure and ughh 

and that’s all! stay tuned for round 3!

What Was Your First Video Game?

Mine was Jumping Flash (FPS from the perspective of a robotic rabbit, trying to save chunks of the world that’ve been captured by the evil Baron Aloha by collecting four giant carrots spelling “JUMP” and then jumping off of a rainbow-tastic button. Look at the carnival level for true trippy-ness)

It came along with Magic Carpet (which is still pretty fun, not gonna lie) and the original Warhawk (which was freakishly difficult for an eight-year-old)

azzandra replied to your post:Things I did not need in my head: A…

He would have to hire someone else to handle the customers, though, because otherwise I see things ending in murder a lot of the time.

I don’t think it would end in murder. Tweedle usually only kills his family which… would sound worse if he had any other family.

I see Tweedle + customers ending with them being offended more than killed, but this still wouldn’t be good for business.

Of course, Tweedle has the option of making a shop assistant.

I Can't Stop Giggling

There’s a construction company called “Maxim Construction”, and all I can imagine is a construction crew comprised entirely of Jaegerkin. I suspect this is the result of letting Maxim handle repairs to Mechanicsburg.

azzandra answered: If Vole is what happens when they don’t hold onto their humanity, maybe Higgs is what happens when they do?

Oh, that’s an interesting thought! How literally do you mean? Higgs’ personality could easily be the result of a Jäger who maintains humanity, and/or continues to interact with humans more rather than with the pack. But he also looks human. Do you think if they hold onto humanity it affects their appearance, or that he had an easier time remaining part of human society because he didn’t look like a Jäger? Or that both things are true but unrelated?

azzandra said: He did once make an aperitif out of toothpaste and hedgehogs. I think this is one of those cases where it’s a good thing he doesn’t usually cook.

*laughing* I’d forgotten that. Maybe he cooks the way he Sparks — wildly creative and worrying for bystanders.

Shout-out to Azzandra, llicoris, Koncettina, vatarian, and, of course, Rooks-and-ravens

You guys are my most active followers. Thanks for being there and being awesome. Vatarian, it makes me smile when I see you reblog something of mine. You, Azzandra, and Rooks are the three who add your own two cents to my posts.

koncettina and llicoris, you two may not usually add something, but you definitely are the main causes of activity spikes. I swear, the first time I saw my activity jump from single digits to over 50, you guys were there leading the charge.

I get a warm, fuzzy feeling whenever I see someone notice something I’ve blogged and reblog it. It boils down to “You like me! You really, really like me!” and I promptly get a big grin on my face.

So thanks guys. Thanks for sticking with me. Thanks for following me. Thanks for supporting me and talking to me. Your support really does make a difference in my day.

azzandra replied to your post “azzandra replied to your post:Dark OT3: Day Thirty So they chucked it…”

I’m guessing the boys never had a falling out in this AU. I always did wonder how their relationship (and the relationship with Agatha) would have evolved if that didn’t happen. Or if they’d reconciled in Paris.

I was thinking more “reconciled in Paris”. Gil was feeling more rebellious and less willing to take Klaus’s views on things, so he was more willing to talk. They were already friends again by the time Tarvek got the note demanding he come home at once. So he ignored it and went to be a pirate with Gil.

azzandra asked:

Gil + marriage

Gil has very muddled ideas on marriage. On the one hand he’s romantic about it and, perhaps, practical in a personal sense. He wants a partner, someone who can keep up with him and understand him. He’d rather have someone better than him at things than someone worse.

On the other hand he’s been raised to take a wife for political reasons and continue the Wulfenbach Empire. He’s in rebellion against this idea, but guiltily so, and in the present he’s having his buttons pushed by Sephie.

It tends to lead to a muddle of “I think we’re very compatible” self-help book talk when he’s around Agatha, as he feels like his more romantic feelings aren’t sufficient and tries to logically argue (mostly to himself) why marrying for non-political reasons is okay.

Gizoogle is the best thing on the internet.

And to prove it here is a Gizoogle translate of Azzandras Post Fate of the Gods betrayal Dialogue:

Warning Contains swearing!

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Azzanadra: Be straight-up careful what tha fuck you say here, ‘Ghetto Guardian’. If I was not under ordaz from Zaros… But I would know this: do you regret yo’ chizzle?

Player: Yes yes y’all.
Azzanadra: That…is a start yo, but know dat there aint one word you could say ta me ta repair tha damage you have done. If you truly regret yo’ chizzle, prove dat wit actions, not lyrics. For so long as Zaros lives, you need not fear retribution. I aint talkin’ bout chicken n’ gravy biatch. But if he takes a thugged-out dirt nap before his thugged-out lil’ plan is complete, then no amount of apologizzle or regret will keep mah handz from yo’ throat. In time - if you prove yo ass ta me again n’ again n’ again - I may be able ta forgive yo thugged-out ass.

I am not sorry.

Replies

iztarshi replied to your post:Hey, who wants to read a snippet from my NaNo?

*laughing* Sheep as weapons. Sheep sabotage. Oh dear, poor Dimo.

Poor Dimo indeed. They are herding sheep out of the tunnels for WEEKS. On the plus side, they now have quite a lot more food and some wool for those of them who knit or crochet as a hobby. :X

azzandra replied to your post:Hey, who wants to read a snippet from my NaNo?

I think my favorite part of this is witnessing what qualifies as a “good plan” by Jaeger standards. XD Oh dear god, those poor sheep.

Pfff. One of my favorite parts of writing this was deciding whose plan it was, I’m going to be honest. And then I thought “…oh god what if Veli” and ran off to ask Asuka. I am so glad I did.

Well, to be fair, it got them and the vast majority of the sheep to the caves while simultaneously distracting the enemy long enough for them to do something about those enemies. Not bad for about a minute’s planning, really. XD But, no, if they had been anything less sturdy than jaegers, that would have been a really bad plan, it’s true. XDDD