August 8, 2009
  1. Sometimes you just need to spend a quiet evening at home watching videos of people getting tasered.
    @badbanana (Tim Siedell) – 67
  2. I’m playing hide and seek with the kids right now and they’ll never find me because they aren’t old enough to drive or get into this bar.
    @lukeinvan (Vancouver’s Luke) – 60
  3. "Your father’s motherboard died."
    "Oh my god, my grandmotherboard is dead!"
    @abigvictory (Michele Catalano) – 59
  4. I started to explain entropy, but then, you know, whatevs.
    @sween (Jason Sweeney) – 57
  5. "Hand me the noodles or the kid gets it!"

    "Sir, that’s a napkin dispenser."

    "… a napkin dispenser you love like a child?"

    "No."
    @sween (Jason Sweeney) – 57
  6. Hot chick sitting next to me at bar. At what point do I tell her “Sorry, I’m married”? I don’t want to interrupt her having no clue I’m here
    @tj (Fun Size Bytes) – 52
  7. I tried to groom my chest hair, but somehow shaved it into a lightning bolt.

    And thus the worst superhero ever is born.
    @thedayhascome (Josh Hopkins) – 51
  8. I have eliminated all of my life goals and replaced them with “Buy a cat. Name it Meow Ze Dong.”
    @katefeetie (Katie Rose) – 49
  9. I like my men like I like my bras. Supportive and the last thing to get off.
    @crustyjuggler72 (Unavailable) – 44
  10. Going to my 6yo nephew’s birthday party.

    Is one bottle of Patron enough for him and ten of his friends?
    @Tony_D (Tony Delgrosso) – 44
  11. Wife: “I… may have parked on the lawn.”
    @sween (Jason Sweeney) – 42
  12. She was standing next to me with crutches and a broken foot. I felt really bad for her, but only because she had an old 1st generation iPod.
    @roughdiction (RoughDiction) – 39
  13. I dreamt Elisabeth Shue died. Now, I’ll spend all weekend waiting for the other Shue to drop.
    @awryone (Josh Donoghue) – 38
  14. I wanted to be the voice of reason, but settled for being the murmur of excuse.
    @navanax (50% More Slime) – 37
  15. Hi everyone! My flight’s delayed and I’m eating a sandwich! This shit is a motherfucking Twitter gold mine!
    @tj (Fun Size Bytes) – 37
  16. The baby is 100% of the reason we buy graham crackers, but only about 5% of the reason we run out.
    @toldorknown (Arch Stanton) – 37
  17. Some guy just walked by me talking on his bluetooth, I tripped him.

    Then I told him, “see how dangerous that is?”
    @GPappalardo (Soap Box Liberal) – 37
  18. I went so deep with that Q-tip, I think it erased all memory of the 1980’s. And with that, all my depression and angst have disappeared.
    @roughdiction (RoughDiction) – 34
  19. IT HAPPENS, YOU HAVE THE SHAKES SO BAD YOUR PINKY NAIL CANT SEEM TO FIND YOUR NOSTRIL. HI, BILLY MAYS HERE FOR THE COKE HAND STABALIZER.
    @OverlandParker (Michael Pierce) – 34
  20. Sure, after I’ve typed my account number twice in the automated portion, I’d love read it to the customer service rep.
    @joeschmitt (Joe Schmitt) – 33
Watch on jorossaurus.tumblr.com

Laaaaast. =)) #SBJoyceCanimo #Aug08 #July25 #4Mos #Byeee

were’ Certified PMDT Nurses
Batch2 (July21-Aug08, 2014)

Congratulations to all of us Guys! Gonna Miz you all! looking forward for a reunion at Visayas Area we’ll meet halfway. hahaha! (humanda na ang mga tga visayas lol!) KeepSafe and be Connected✌️

Keepin it #WAVY at 15 years old with my Wile E. Coyote temporary tattoo & #Filas visor…we go HARD #TBT #Throwback #Thursdays right around the time I wanted to be the love child of @Tboz & @IceCube #TLC 🚨🚨🚨 Tomorrow night Aug08 Wavy ft. @deejayxg & @pravyeezy at Bar22 #Singapore 🚨🚨🚨 Soundtrack —> bit.ly/bootlegbsidesautomatic

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