A LATE HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY ART-SENPAI, dogslug!!!!!

sorry that I couldn’t get this to you on your actual birthday, I didn’t know about it until…well…your actual birthday!  But hey, better late than never, right?  And besides, it’s not like I could let the birthday of a major influence on my style, love of atypical characters and powerful eyebrows go without notice!  

I love your stuff (and have for a while, I was an oldschool DA creeper) and a little portrait of Joey being adorable is the least I could do!  And besides, just the way you get all excited and supportive of artists on tumblr warms the cockles of my heart.  Uh…this is getting a bit long, so…happy birthday!  That’s all!

anonymous said:

Do you talk this well in person, too? Or are your replies in text planned out?

Yes I do speak this way in person, despite how displays of intelligence will commonly provoke insecurity based aggression in social circles (your awareness of this perhaps compelling your question?).

It’s taken years of campaigning this analytical disposition to build a reputation to actually be taken seriously and appreciated rather than having others passive aggressively attempt to undermine me or simply make assumptions in general regarding my atypical perspective and behavior.

*I will organize my responses in proportion to the complexity of whatever issue I’m tackling, as well as refine older responses when asked repeated questions.

The feminist movement purports to improve conditions for women, and yet only a minority of women in modern societies self-identify as feminists. This is known as the feminist paradox. It has been suggested that feminists exhibit both physiological and psychological characteristics associated with heightened masculinization, which may predispose women for heightened competitiveness, sex-atypical behaviors, and belief in the interchangeability of sex roles. If feminist activists, i.e., those that manufacture the public image of feminism, are indeed masculinized relative to women in general, this might explain why the views and preferences of these two groups are at variance with each other. We measured the 2D:4D digit ratios (collected from both hands) and a personality trait known as dominance (measured with the Directiveness scale) in a sample of women attending a feminist conference. The sample exhibited significantly more masculine 2D:4D and higher dominance ratings than comparison samples representative of women in general, and these variables were furthermore positively correlated for both hands. The feminist paradox might thus to some extent be explained by biological differences between women in general and the activist women who formulate the feminist agenda.
— 

SCREECHING. 

"Feminist women more likely to be assertive. THEY’RE NOT REAL WOMEN"

2

Steed’s priceless expression aside, I never quite understood why Emma threw herself into his arms like this - in front of everyone, no less. That level of dramatic emotional reactivity is highly atypical for her. It’s an action that makes it seem as though she’s desperate for him to comfort and protect her and though there is nothing wrong with that, it is unusual for her.

My best alternative guess is that perhaps she thinks they might be less likely to kill Steed (a man) if they would also kill her (a woman, one of their own) in the process.

(Additionally, this makes for touch 270, and 271.)

8

I’ve never had someone as good for me as you
No one like you 

Trigeminal Neuralgia in the Emergency Room: The Worst Experience I've Ever Had

 

image

The pain started around 11pm. It’s been a while since I’d had an attack at all, so I figured I could push through it the way I usually do. I’d never gone to the emergency room for pain before, but this was different. I quickly found myself in the worst pain I have ever experienced. Ever. And for perspective, I’ve had two thoracotomies, chest tubes, urethral stents, you name it. This was the worst pain I had ever experienced.

My friend got me to the hospital and they took me directly back—drooling, dripping snot, swollen eyes, and moaning. My hands were shaking and I couldn’t even fill out the paperwork. The triage nurses were fantastic and understood the intensity of what was happening. I was brought back into a room right away.

I was treated by a nurse practitioner who took one look at me, did no neurological exam, and said “we really don’t know how to help you since opioids don’t work for neuropathic pain.” At this point I was barely able to speak, and made it clear that I came in because I had never experienced pain like this and obviously was unable to treat it at home. I did not demand narcotic pain medication, however I demanded finding SOMETHING to get my pain/inflammation level down.

Perhaps the rocking myself back and forth, moaning, skyrocketing blood pressure, swollen eyes or swollen face, shaking, not to mention the dry heaving into a blanket didn’t give away the fact that I was in agony

A registration tech enters the room to take down history and insurance info. She is so upset by my condition and the lack of responsiveness from my nurse(s)/overseeing attending that she actually leaves her responsibility to find out what the my “team” of providers were up to. She did this not once, but THREE TIMES. Without me asking. And each time she would just shake her head, say she’s sorry, and try to soothe me. That woman is a fantastic provider, let me tell you.

45 minutes goes by. I sat on that exam bed rocking myself back and forth. While I sat there, I imagined myself yanking out my back molars with a pair of pliers. The friend that I was with, Viv, was able to speak for me since I was absolutely unable to advocate for myself. She goes and finds the staff, asking why they are not starting a line when I’m in visible and audible agony? They tell her they’re working on it. Another 20 minutes.

Eventually a nurse comes in with a needle. She gives me the shot in my arm and mentions that she gave me Ativan. Great. So you’ve given me IM ativan which takes about 30 minutes to work (only they don’t tell us this until Viv harass them about why it’s not working) for a patient who is WRITHING in pain. All of the clinical physiological indicators of a 9 on the pain scale were present…and you’re using medication delivery options that take significantly longer than if you would just infuse them..? If I was male or had a kidney stone or a severed limb, would you be handling an emergency like this? 

She leaves again. Another 45 minutes with zero communication. Pain has not changed and no one is even asking me about my pain level. Someone is standing outside my door watching me with a weird smirk. I didn’t need sedation. I needed pain/inflammation relief. And the sedation did not sedate me. 

I thought maybe it was the level of pain making it seem like we’d been waiting a long time, but it turns out we actually had been waiting nearly another hour. So I was no longer hyperventilating, instead I was curled in a ball rocking myself back and forth. Snot and drool still dripping, bed sheets still being gripped, moaning not stopped. Agony. My face is on fire. Please just make it stop. Viv goes out into the hall and asks what’s going on and what their plan is—I told Viv specifically not to demand pain meds, as we had very much gotten the vibe that they weren’t taking me seriously. Viv found them sitting at the nurse’s station on their phones. Their only plan was to give me the Ativan and let me sit in that room until the worst pain I have ever experienced just magically resolved itself, until I was “no longer anxious.” I had never been anxious. I was in agony! Why was this so difficult to understand? I honest to god felt like I was being passed off as the “hysterical woman” kind of sexist diagnosis thing.

A nurse comes back in and asks me if I think I’ll be able to take a pill now that my anxiety is better. At this point it’s evident that they are definitely not going to start an IV line on me and that they very seriously don’t care. IV steroids are out of the question.

So she brings me a cup and two pills. I ask for a straw, since it’s the only way I’ll be able to manage to get these pills in my mouth and down my throat. I get them down. She makes a comment about how “now you must be having jaw pain?”

No. No, I’m not having jaw pain, I’m having trigeminal nerve pain of the branch that runs through your face. So movement, vibration, touch, drinking, temperature changes are AGONIZING. You’d know that if you’d asked me even a single question or determined my chief complaint.

I ask what she gave me? Percocet. The exact same medication I have at home—the one that didn’t work. Now I know using opioids for neuropathic pain is a challenge, often futile. But that is NOT a reason to not try to relieve a patient’s very obvious agony. Steroids, maybe, ANYTHING. That’s like saying “well we’ve never seen a broken limb quite like this, so we’re not going to treat it.”

Dr. Douchebag finally comes into the room 3.5 hours later. And proceeds to mock my attempt at covering my face in lidoderm. Viv and I exchanged glances. Rude. At this point I was getting my ability to speak back, but I was whispering as to not move my mouth as much as possible. Dr. D snidely remarked about why I found it “necessary” to whisper. And then got annoyed when I tried to spell out a medication and he couldn’t understand me from across the room.

It was apparent from the moment I was brought back into the room that they didn’t want to put in the effort. Refusal to treat, refusal to consult with another colleague, refusal to even google treatment protocol. Maybe that was because they were trying to wrap up their shift, I have no idea. But they didn’t try, that much was clear. And this was only compounded not by poor communication, but by NO communication at ALL. These providers did not re-assess my pain, no vitals, no nothing! It was like they decided to take a late-night break and ignore patient responsibilities. They didn’t disclose their plan, didn’t disclose what medications they were administering, nothing. We were just sitting there in that room for hours while I writhed, cried, drooled, dripped snot down my chin, fantasized about yanking out my teeth, my right eye twitched, and begged someone to make it stop.

I have never felt more helpless. I’m a big believer in saving my 10’s on the pain scale. But I’ll tell you what. That was a 9.3. It was the kind of pain that makes you want to actually remove your teeth or end your life. I don’t ever want to experience that again.

The best part? Upon leaving they handed me discharge papers: “Trigeminal neuralgia is a highly distressing and disabling pain disorder. Seek immediate treatment at ____ Emergency Room should your pain become unbearable or your medications fail to work.”

I learned the meaning of that word tonight. Unbearable. I deserved better. That was just torture. What took hours could have taken a whopping total of 30 minutes if they had just started a line. But of course, that would require them to take me seriously. 

I did my part: I brought in my meds, letters from my current doctors, my medical records. I was polite, did not demand certain drugs, did my best to be understanding of staff needs and protocol.

So, Tallahassee Emergency Room, I will not be coming back for this “highly distressing” emergency situation (should it ever happen again). I do not know what is more terrifying: agony so intense you actually seriously think about pulling your own molars out, or the fact that the largest local medical institution is willing to write off someone’s agony as anxiety in order to avoid a lengthy trail of paperwork at the end of a shift.

Edit:
There are some really amazing comments in the reblogs, the response to this is more than amazing. But I just want to make something clear: this is not us vs. them, patients vs. providers. These three individuals in charge of my care are the minority. I blame those three people and it’s true, I have empathy for them— how much stress they must be under in a broken system in the middle of the night in in urban emergency room. But there is no excuse for the care (or lack thereof) I received. Most importantly: not all doctors, nurses, nurse practitioners are like this. We as patients have to remember not to make generalizations about our health care providers, they same way providers need to treat us all as individual patients/people.

And absolutely, I will be filing a formal complaint and taking it further. No, I sure as hell am not paying that medical bill! I will identify which ER this occurred at when I know what the next step is.

Depression

There’s a LOT of misinformation about depression. The most common is that all depression is the same and it just involves being sad. The truth is there are many different types of depression with different symptoms and everyone experiences depression differently. The most common are major depression which is also known as clinical depression and chronic depression which is also known as dysthymia. There’s atypical depression which has different symptoms than other forms of depression, postpartum depression which occurs after childbirth, Bipolar also known by the outdated term Manic Depression which is characterized by having major highs and lows, seasonal depression (seasonal affective disorder) which only occurs during different times of the year, psychotic depression which occurs with hallucinations and other symptoms, and premenstrual dysphoric disorder which occurs during your menstrual period. 

Clinical Depression

Dysthymia

Atypical Depression

Postpartum Depression

Bipolar Disorder

SAD

Psychotic Depression

PMDD

10

Julie de Waroquier    

“By placing her subjects in the streets with her signature ethereal aesthetic, de Waroquier builds a surreal environment to reflect their wandering souls walking through atypically real territories. Each person appears lost, as though they have encountered an unexpected obstacle in their dreams. What would normally be a private dream filled with enchantment for each subject to play out in his or her own mind has turned into a public display for all to see on the brutally cold and hard streets. The photographer says, “I tried to express all these fears and tensions through symbolical pictures which represent what happens when the deepest realities of the human mind meet the harsh reality of public spaces.”

"Shortly after we spotted the first moose we noticed his buddy grazing further in the background. Although a bigger bull, he seemed more shy and cautious. Oh, and he must have gotten the wrong rack the last time he checked his hat at a party. This guy has horns more like a common deer than a stereotypical moose. He had no flattening in his rack at all. Shorter nose, larger body but no less a moose. This was a first for us and we’ve been trying to figure out if he is an atypical or perhaps an out of towner (this type of rack is more typical of Eurasian species).

I read a study on moose antlers (yes) from some European species and it seems that the very young and very old animals are most likely to have this “rod horn” style rack. I’m thinking that perhaps he is an older gentleman and this is how he is showing his age.”

Photo by Amy Christensen

oh god here we go another outpouring of humanity feelings

  • think about the big deal we make out of sex?? like the act of reproduction is art and purpose for us; we sing songs about it and. think about flirty conversations you have via text with someone you wanna hook up with. it’s a HUMAN MATING DANCE
  • we have traversed oceans in tiny weatherbeaten boats. DO YOU KNOW HOW HUGE OCEANS ARE?? FUCK
  • and for fuck’s sake we’ve landed on the moon. that little silver orb you see at night? another human being has WALKED ON ITS SURFACE
  • look at a skyline and realize that we BUILT THAT FROM THINGS THE EARTH GAVE US
  • even when you feel alone you are so completely part of this human structure??? you are the fifty-fifth caller before the lucky winner who was the fifty-sixth, you are the lights of a car passing another on a lonely road at night, you are the back of the head of the person-in-front-of-another-person in a line. you are an essential part of a glorious continuum, ALWAYS
  • there are people who jump onto subway tracks to save other people. fuck.
  • again, LANGUAGE, the fact that from a million tiny local tongues there are greater linguistic groups that overlap and coexist that we all AGREE UPON and COMMUNICATE WITH IN A REALLY SOPHISTICATED WAY
  • music. MUSIC. basic percussion to the most high-tech next level synthesizer shit. we put so much into that art and even if we are not creators of it we are delighted consumers of it.
  • space shouldn’t make you feel small it should make you feel SIGNIFICANT because we are the sole witnesses of the wonder happening around us!!!! 
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