im screaming just so you know. i had to pause my music because i was laughing too hard to hear it. anyways here’s the fic
Skul was sitting in his room being all “oh no boo hoo” because Val was FUCKING DEAD (or might as well be at least). A sudden knock on the door made him jump, both physically and metaphorically jumping to the conclusion that it would be Val knocking on the door. It wasn’t. “Hey baby,” the figure said, smiling really seductively like wow Skul was totes floored. “I’ve got a present for you,” Serpine said, and held out a pink box containing a bra. Skulduggery’s only response was to stand there, dumbstruck — there was no snarky comeback for a bra in a box.
“Boy, do I love chicken strips. Sometimes, when I’m home alone, I’ll take some chicken strips fresh out of the oven and rub them in my scalp. It doesn’t do much for my hair health, but I like the way they feel running through my strands of hair. The flakey coating, smooth white meat, and warmth. Yum,” he finally said, leading Serpine to the bedroom where they had steamy skeleton sex. Not as steamy as sex with Val, though, so Skul kicked him out and kept the bra.