the signs on a first date
  • aries:repairs your car with your blood and lego tools because they genuinely want to help you
  • taurus:keeps their arms crossed across their chest all the time because they don't want to be vulnerable to enemies and so far you are an enemy
  • gemini:sends their twin to the date and spends the whole night bathing and laughing at you
  • cancer:brings you to see The Texas Chain Saw Massacre and tells you that your face is truly pretty
  • leo:will make you get a shock
  • virgo:refuses to open their eyes because it's only the first date
  • libra:strips to the waist to show their perfect skin (dermatologists hate them)
  • scorpio:talks about the person they like all the time. Naturally said person isn't you
  • sagittarius:confesses you they're wanted by the police, the Illuminati and the aliens and entrusts you with a secret task, before someone recognises and arrests them. Congratulations. You're now on a mission
  • capricorn:complains their knife isn't sharp enough and cuts their pizza with their hand, then reports the restaurant to the police, asks you to witness in court and claims to have lost their faith in God
  • aquarius:picks the mountains as location and lets you die in the snow because you can't keep pace with them, then probably cries
  • pisces:gives you a bouquet of poisoned roses and suggests you to use a white rose as boutonnière
How to piss off each of the signs:

Aries: Tell them No after everything they say. And move really, really slowly. 

Taurus: Don’t be clear when making arrangements. And then change the arrangement suddenly. Be really forgetful and unreliable. 

Gemini: Every time they talk to you, look bored. Don’t look impressed by their trivia. 

Cancer: Be rude and insensitive. Speak really loudly and make sudden brash hand gestures. 

Leo: Pretend you haven’t seen them. Look straight through them. If they say anything, look confused and look around like you don’t know where the noise is coming from. 

Virgo: Mess up their belongings. Be really unhygienic and tread dirt into their houses. 

Libra: Insist that they make all the decisions. And be really argumentative at the slightest thing they say. 

Scorpio: lie a lot. Also, Make it obvious that you have lots and lots of secrets that you will never tell them. 

Sagittarius: If they try to make you laugh, stare at them with a neutral face and don’t break eye contact. 

Capricorn: If they try to have a serious conversation with you, pull goofy faces at them. When they are mid sentence, Suggest to them that they should learn how to make balloon animals. 

Aquarius: Undermine all their idealistic theories. Tell them you support fascism. 

Pisces: Be really confrontational. When they speak, start screaming at random intervals. start speaking softly but then yell random words in the middle of your sentence. 

Astrology is a science in itself & contains an illuminating body of knowledge • It taught me many things, & I am greatly indebted to it • Geophysical evidence reveals the power of the stars & the planets in relation to the terrestrial • In turn, astrology reinforces this power to some extent • This is why astrology is like a life-giving elixir to mankind 🌙 Albert Einstein

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