*Yet another book excerpt. Feedback is appreciated!
“Kids, your mother has something to tell you.”
I detected a look of irritation in her eyes. I don’t think I could have told them, the father in me never wanted to be responsible for what we were about to tell them.
“Kids, you know we love you very much. But we just aren’t as happy being married to each other as we used to be, so your father and I are going to get a divorce.”
They said nothing. Kathy was the one who wanted to break up, but It still felt like it was my fault. They looked devastated.
“Will we still see both of you?” Sally asked, trying to hold back tears. Sally never likes to get emotional around people.
As for the boys, I couldn’t see the tears in their eyes, but I knew they were upset.
“You will still see both of us, just not at the same time.” I said as I looked at Kathy. Her face was solemn. She knew what she had done. I thought about the custody agreement. There was no way I’d let her take them away from me.
“I’m going to go stay with grandma tonight kids, I’ll see you soon. I love you.”
“I’ll bring you the papers tomorrow, Kathy.”
No one said a word. I went into what once was our bedroom, and now, just a bad memory. I threw everything she had missed into my coat pockets. I didn’t want to have to come back for anything. I didn’t want to take the chance of seeing her again. But some part of me wanted to leave something. I wanted to show her that I was much better off without her. I would have walked in there with a smile on my face. I would have kindly offered to let her keep most of my things. Hoping that she’d somehow realize what she was missing out on somehow from how nice I was being.
I got in my car and drove around for a little while before it occurred to me that I had to call my mom. I didn’t want to wake her at 10:30 at night, but I didn’t think that she’d mind once I told her what happened. I pulled into a parking space in Mcdonald’s after I had gone through the drive-thru for my 3rd order of milkshake and fries. I had no idea how much I was eating, I wanted something to remind me that this wasn’t just a bad dream.
Hearing people pity you is just awful. “Awww, Jeanie, I’m so sorry. My poor baby, you can stay with me for as long as you like.”
AS much as a I wanted to throw up, I was surprised that she had called me her “poor baby”, though I knew she probably didn’t even realize she said it. I don’t know why she apologized, either. It’s not like it was her fault.
Funny thing about loss, people always say they’re sorry. It’s not like they were responsible for it, but they do it anyway. I’ll never understand that. But nonetheless mom’s sincerity was comforting to hear.
I pulled out of the Mcdonald’s and began the long drive to Maine. My mom lives in a small town in Maine called “Esperanza.” As for my dad, I never knew the guy. He was shot in the line of duty when my mom was only 6 months pregnant with me. He was only 26. People say he was one of the best cops the NYPD had ever known. After that, my mom immediately moved out of the city before I was born. Fisher’s Lagoon was about a six hour drive, but it gave me perfect time to think.