incredibly thankful for apriletheral and inkedasaurusrex being such lovely parts of my life.
they’re the people that i’ve really hurt the worst in the grand scheme of things, as they have to cope with my selfishness and angst more than any other humans on the planet, but they’re the ones most willing to muscle through it and help save me from myself along the way.
a girl couldn’t ask for a better boyfriend or a better best friend.
and i think i’ve learned a lot about both kinds of relationships in the past several weeks.
growing up, i found myself in social circles where numbers meant everything. to have a set of ten decent acquaintances who could be harvested for their qualities and then tossed aside when no longer relevant was a much more “normal” way to go about friendships.
now as an adult, i understand so clearly that your friends are the people who want to be in your life. who actively want to be a part of who you are. these are the people who can be slighted and taken for granted, who can be yelled at and cried at, but will forgive the transgressions. not because they’re stupid or desperate or naive, but because they understand that to err is human. because they know that someday they, too, may need to seek your forgiveness at a moment of miscommunication, misunderstanding, miscalculation.
friends are the real family. because they love you even if they don’t like you in that moment, and they CHOOSE to be there rather than holding onto the obligation of blood as motivation.
my purpose on this planet is not to satiate as many people as i can, is not to go out of my way to make everyone else comfortable.
“You are not special. You’re not a beautiful and unique snowflake. You’re the same decaying organic matter as everything else. We’re all part of the same compost heap. We’re all singing, all dancing crap of the world.”
and it’s been important for me to surround myself with people who understand that. i am so so grateful to have found two dark souls who shine as bright lights in my mind.
here’s to the next year, my friends. and to whatever may come.
“Only after disaster can we be resurrected. It’s only after you’ve lost everything that you’re free to do anything. Nothing is static, everything is evolving, everything is falling apart.”