I dealt and still deal with a lot of anger issues as a result of past experiences/trauma.
Step 1.) Look for an anger support group or therapy. I am not kidding. We tend to think of anger management as something for people who flipped out on the bank teller in the middle of a work day. It’s not. The most destructive anger is the kind we aim at ourselves and it can often be a symptom of anxiety or grieving. It’s not always loud and visible. It can be quiet and it can wear you down. Having someone to talk to and support you as learn coping mechanisms is a huge help. Even if you only need to go once, it’ll be better than what you’re dealing with now by yourself.
Step 2.) Look into meditation/breathing exercises. It’s taken me a while but I am able to meditate or control my breathing in most situations where I feel my anger becoming hard to control.
Step 3.) Remember it’s ok to remove yourself from situations/people/places when you need to calm down. A lot of people think that dealing with anger means enduring stressful situations. If you need to be left alone or you need to step outside and it’s feasible for you to do so, then do it. Sometimes just changing your scenery or getting away is the best thing to do for you and those around you.
Step 4.) Forgive yourself. You’re human. You thought you were in love. You didn’t know this guy was gonna hurt you. HE hurt YOU. Now, you can’t change what he did and you’re not ever going to get the “closure” that’s talked about in books and movies. It doesn’t happen that way. You’re just going to have to slowly build a new life and day by day, week by week, etc. you will get on without him, life will continue, and you will have new chances. Don’t let this anger lock you in self-doubt or make you believe you’re not worthy of better things.
Step 5.) Understand that a lot of times your anger is valid, understandable and even useful. Anger is an emotion we all feel and a lot of the times there’s a good reason to be angry. What we need to focus on is what are we DOING when we get angry. What we DO in response to our anger and how we target it determines whether or not we are coping with our anger in a healthy way.
Step 6.) Get plenty of sleep. I cannot stress enough how important it is for your emotional health to get restful and regular sleep. Again, therapy and meditation can help with this. Also talk to your doctor if you’re not sleeping well and talk about what options are available to you. Make sure to mention if you have a tendency to abuse or become dependent on substances as this can affect treatment.