Last night MG and I celebrated our own Christmas together.  We went for dinner and then went shopping to find his Mom a present…  We went back to his place to wrap presents!  We were like any typical couple that wraps presents for our loved ones…  

Then around midnight, like in my house, we opened our presents to each other!!!

He gave me his heart!!!!  Well not literally but kind of, he gave me a gorgeous diamond heart shaped necklace and told me he LOVED ME!!!!

EEEKKKK!!!!!!!  

A heart shaped necklace to symbolize the fact that I hold his heart!!!!

O M G!!!!  Can this really be happening?????  

I can’t believe how the end of the year is coming along.  Who knew that I would meet a guy, fall head over heels in love and be loved in return.  It’s truly unbelievable!!!

Deep breaths….  

I want to build a tiny house and live happily ever after….  

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And this is what I want it to look like, roughly….  Not the same color but this layout!!!!

It’s actually bigger than my apartment now.  It’s 3 bedrooms and I would totally turn one of the bedrooms into my own walk in closet! It’s only 884 sq ft but it’s PERFECT for me!  

I’ve been reading articles about people, who have totally down sized their lives and live debt free in tiny homes.  How marvelous!  To live in an adorable house and be debt free.  Free to pursue other interests and goals and hobbies without the stress of worrying how to pay for shit….  

I ask MG if he wanted to build a tiny house and live in it, he said yes.  But wondered where we would build such a place.  

Good question…..  Where indeed??  Then I started looking at lots/lands for sale and boy are there a bunch around!  And for really reasonable prices.  The only issue is, why are they so reasonable and why hasn’t anyone built upon them????

There must be a reason.  I have to get to the bottom of this and figure out a way to buy my land and build my dream tiny house!  With a retractable roof, so MG and I can gaze up at the stars without me being completely freaked out about the world around me!  

First date of the night with Mediocre Guy has ended…  I have a little over an hour to kill before second date with NKG, which gives me plenty of time to write about MG!

I rushed home from work to ready myself for date.  While shaving my legs, I contemplated about what to wear.  The weather has begun to turn fall, so sadly mini skirts makes for a very chilly night.  I knew I wanted to wear a skirt though, MG and I had joked about how I probably don’t own any pants and only wear dresses.  I opted for a white t-shirt and black form fitting skirt with an embroidered bottom.  Classy yet still sexy, especially paired with turquoise pumps and a black leather jacket.  I was thinking that I might not be able to make it home to change for second date… (But clearly that is not the case!)

I was 7 minutes late!!!  Due to stupid people driving through construction zones.  He was there waiting for me!  I liked that very much.  I hate being the one waiting….

We sat down and it felt completely comfortable.  It feels as though we are friends.  Like we’re known each other for years and we’re just playing catch up.  Throughout the entire meal, I tried to envision him kissing me.  Him and I getting intimate and I have come to the conclusion that I like him but I’m not sexually attracted to him… Such a shame because he makes me laugh and I thoroughly enjoy myself with him!

He joked that our roles are opposite, that he is more like the girl and I am the man.  I eat way more than he does…  He picks at his food.  He said that the way to my heart is through my stomach!  I of course said there is more ways to my heart…  

He acknowledged that he would be the commuter in the relationship because he wasn’t too sure about my driving abilities after heart of my 2 car accidents 5 years ago!  I said, “Woah, Woah, Woah…. Relationship???”  He said, hesitantly, friendship kind of relationship….  

Sigh….  We’ll definitely go out again.  But I know deep down no spark….  Sadness….

Let’s see how it goes with NKG!

** CRAP!  MG and I are texting and he’s saying such lovely things along with total sarcastic jokes….   I really hope that a friendship can come from this! I really like him but wish my panties twisted for him!  

It’s Memorial Weekend!!!!  I can’t believe it…. Has the year just flown by or is it because time flies when you are having fun?!?!?!

I usually don’t go anywhere for the holiday weekend.  Kicking it in my backyard was the norm…. 

HOWEVER, this year, I’m heading to San Francisco!!!!!  I’m taking a day off and actually am going to have a 3 day weekend!  MG and I are driving up late tonight to his PARENTS house!!!  I’m spending the weekend with his PARENTS!!!! 

MG spends so much time with my family that I thought it was time for us to spend time with his and Memorial weekend is the perfect time!  Hopefully they will like me as much as my family likes him….  

I have ordered a gorgeous orchid to take up with me as well as a nice bottle of wine as the hostess present.  Of course MG says I don’t need to bring anything but clearly he is a typical guy who doesn’t know the rules…  I can’t spend the weekend at his parents and not bring anything.  that would be completely rude.  One of my friends said I should also sleep in a separate room because sleeping in the same bed as MG while under his parents roof is disrespectful, BUT that isn’t happening!  Although if his mom suggests that I sleep in another room, I will feel obligated to and I know MG would sneak into my room in the middle of the night!

It’s going to be a fun weekend!  I just need to get through today….

Doubts....

The other night I was laying in MG’s arms and I had a dreadful thought, that perhaps we weren’t meant to be laying in each other’s arms, cuddling, falling asleep so comfortably….  That maybe even though we are in love it’s not going to last… 

Are you suppose to doubt???  Are things suppose to be sooo comfortable and easy that worry is not a feeling anymore???  Should you feel troubled while laying in their arms???  Is this all part of the process of being in the first stages of a relationship???

Deep down I know he could possibly be the one for me… I’m scared…

Is that why I’m feeling these doubts???  Am I trying to sabotage myself mentally??? 

Last night he dropped the bomb on the fact he can not/ will not/ would not support me in my endeavors with my comic book…  I was/am hurt by this revealing fact.  He states that he can’t support something that involves my past lovers.  He doesn’t want to know anything about the guys. I understand that to a point but his stupid past has poked her head into our relationship several times so far…  

But in a relationship, shouldn’t you always support the other even if you don’t always agree with what it may be? 

I have been working so hard on my comic book for years.  It’s on the last leg and the first issue will soon be published.  I want the man who says I’m the love of his life to be there, proud of my accomplishments and there to support me if it doesn’t succeed but when he tells me he will never support my comic book, it gives me a gigantic pause in the future of our relationship… 

If he can’t support me in this endeavor, what else won’t he support me in?  What if my comic book turns out to be a great success, will he sit at home, pouting and not go out to celebrate it because it just happens to involved loosely some of my past?  And what if, it fails miserably and I need someone to console my emotions, will he be there with open arms and try to convince me to keep going because it’s my passion, when he in fact could care less of my book?

Can a relationship survive if one of the significant other doesn’t support?

Tonight I have to myself….  I’m going to contemplate lots of things.  Working on things and figure out the best way to brooch the subject of support to MG when I see him tomorrow night… 

It’s been a week since Lawyer Boy took his exam.  It’s been 5 days since Plums sent him a message.  Still NOTHING!  

I decided to text him to just ask him what I did wrong.  Why the lack of communication…  

He responded pretty instantly, saying that he was really busy but he’ll call me soon.  

If that’s not the kiss of death… The acknowledgement that he is just not that into me.  

Ok I’m done.  Even if he calls me, I won’t answer.  He has already established his lack of interest…  

If a guy is interested in you, he will make the time, no matter what! 

Crap, how am I going to get that lingerie back from him???? What guy doesn’t at least take up a girl’s offer of sex when it is sent to him, in the form of lingerie!?!?!

Free Agent No More....!!!!!!

Date #10 has come and gone with MG…  I had us turned around when trying to find our dinner restaurant.  I remember the street the place was on but I had forgotten where exactly on the street it was located.  But we enjoyed getting lost.  It’s a nice feeling when you don’t mind not having a destination planned and just go…  

Dinner was good.  More cuddling and talking and lovey dovey hoopla…  

After dinner, since nothing was planned, we opted to head back to my place and watch a movie.  During the drive there, MG said he will no long come for date night unprepared.  He said he doesn’t want us to fall into the pitfall of most couples who go out to dinner and then go home to watch tv/movies…  I completely concur! 

He started listing activities he wanted to take me to and things we can do/go.  He was completely shocked when he listed somethings and I never had been on a date there.  He asked what was wrong with guys.  I again concur!!!  But luckily I now have MG and he will continue to surprise and woo and court me…

During our movie make out session, I told him that I had a story to tell him after the movie….

I told him about my comic book and about this blog.  I asked him not to ask any questions until after I was done and that I hoped he would kiss me and tell me that he still liked me..

When all was said he kissed me and said he was FALLING FOR ME!  

O M G !!!!!!!!

It’s been such a long time since I have heard a guy tell me that and truly mean it…  

He asked me if it would be ok if he never read my blog, which I told him YES!!!!  Please don’t… Although everything that I have written in the blog is all that I have already expressed to him.  

I told him I wanted to let him know because I too am falling for him….

EEEEKKKKKK!!!!!  It’s totally happening… 

And then…

He said he didn’t want to be with anyone else, doesn’t want to see anyone else and wants to be with just me…

Big deep breath….

I told him I felt the same way.  That in fact I have been slowly letting go of all the guys I have held onto… 

Soooo I guess that makes it official…

I am no longer a FREE AGENT…  

So I’ve been with MG now for 10 months…..  Can’t believe it has gone by in a blink of an eye.  This year is flying and the end is definitely not in sight.

Coming home from SDCC2014, MG and I had a heart to heart.  It was a tough conversations with many tears and running noses, mostly on my part. But it was a good, eye opening, honest conversation.

Things have been great between us but there has always been this lingering small dark cloud hanging over us.  My comic book and blog.  

So upon my return from SD, things came out, feelings and emotions and thoughts all spilled forth.  

It hurt to hear the honesty of how MG felt all these months but for a relationship to survive, grow and move forward, complete honesty needs to be had.  

There has always been a slight mistrust on MG’s part about me.  About my comic book when I finally revealed it to him, about my blog and all the guys that I went on dates with and wrote about.  He worried that he was just another one of those guys I wrote about but he feared that I made fun of them/him.  That even down in SD, while attached to him, would I stray to further my comic book.  Would I be put into a situation that would betray him and our relationship.  Would I take advantage of him, am I taking advantage of him.

He told me he had 3 options with our situation.  Either, 1) Keep it inside and try to come to terms with it on his own, ultimately being miserable.  2) Finally open up and talk to me about his feelings and insecurities or 3) Break up with me.

He said, the first option he has been trying to do but failing because he has felt terrible with the pit of his stomach constantly in knots.  So that truly wasn’t an option.  The third option, not really being an option because he loves me so much and can’t stand being apart from me for more than a day, breaking up wouldn’t resolve anything.  So then, option 2 would be it.  But he was having difficulty figuring out a way to open up to me.  He ultimately also decided a conversation needed to be had because his gut said to trust me, that I wouldn’t do anything to hurt us or to cheat on him.  

I listened to him.  Didn’t get mad.  Was only hurt because he was feeling hurt all these months about my comic book, my blog.  I tried to reassure him that I never made fun of my dates, I was only telling a realistic view about dating and the things guys and girls do on dates.  I never wanted to hurt anyone because the truth of the matter, I never want to be hurt.  

Totally live by the Golden Rule….

Reassured him that down in SD, every guy that tried/attempted to hit on me, knew instantly that I was spoken for and didn’t stand a change.  But I did help them score, for I was the ultimate wing woman!  

I explained to him that for a relationship, for our relationship to work, we need to constantly communicate our feelings, be it good or bad.  That when we feel annoyed or insecure about something, we need to address it and move on from there. Keeping things inside only leads to a huge blow up and resentment.  

The best relationships are those that constantly want to keep the other happy but once you stop caring how the other is feeling, then the relationship is over.  

He expressed how proud he was of me having published my comic book.  He tried to hate the book and what it represented but he couldn’t because I loved it so much.  He thought of how he could help me further the sales.  He contemplated about buying 2 books a day to make it look like I was selling or he thought he would give me money so I could have my book printed.  (WHAT AN AMAZING MAN!!!!) He wants me to succeed.  He was just hurt that I kept it to myself for so long, kept it from him that when I revealed it was too late for him, he was already so deeply in love with me, there was no turning away.  

I kept it away because I wasn’t sure of how I felt and there really isn’t a point to reveal until I was sure how I felt about him and where our relationship was going.  Remember how I freaked out when he tried to kiss me on our 5th date!!!!! 

When all was said and everything was laid out in front of us, we felt better.  We understand where each other stands.  What our feelings are and how to move forward.  And we are moving forward.  We even discussed briefly our living situation……

No, we are not moving together!  He lives far away and I live here.  And he wants to go back to school, so no further discussion will be had for another 3 years.  Plus there is no ring on this finger, so there will be no moving in together!  

I don’t want to move in until I’m married.  I want it to feel different, I want to start building a life together when we are married.  Not continue a life of roommates that now are official.  

It’s old fashion, I know, but deep down I’m still a hopeless romantic who may have found her Prince!  Now have to see how the rest of the Adventure plays out…. 

If this website only just had you and your smile…. I think it would still be worth signing up for.
Good day to you
— 

Online Message

AWWWWWWWW…..  Such a sweet message…  Messages like this I actually respond to, even if only to say Thank you!  

So it’s official, I’m dating MG….  

Last night we went bowling.  He was waiting for me at the bowling alley.  He actually was watching me cringe as I waited for a parking spot to become vacant.  There was a girl, in a muscle car not knowing how to drive her car, trying to pull out of a spot. 

The moment I climbed out of my car, he stood by his car, laughing, at me, at the situation…  I asked him if he clearly saw the ordeal I had to endure waiting for my spot…  It was a nice little ice breaker after our AWKWARD CAR KISS after our last date.  I wonder how it was going to be but things fell back into rhythm.

MG is a fantastic bowler!  Who knew that from his mediocre exterior. there lurked an athletic guy… He had the spin with the ball and everything!  I of course completely sucked at it…  I did at one point bowled a 125!  Mostly I tried to get just above 50…  

For the first time, MG actually was being touchy feely with me and putting some advances as well as flirting with some sexualness mixed in…  

At one point he wanted to bet for sexual favors but since I’m a virgin until marriage (cough cough), no bet was had, although every time he touched me, I kept getting gutter balls.  He was definitely throwing me off my game with his advances.  I thoroughly enjoyed it…  

After 2 hours of bowling, we didn’t want to end our date, so we drove to a movie theater…  There were no movies showing at the immediate time we arrived, we had an hour to kill before Captain Philips began…  

So we wandered the streets before settling in our seats…  

And this is when the discuss began about dating vs hanging out..

I briefly/jokingly commented how we were hanging out/dating…

He said, is this hanging out?

I paused and then said, no this would be dating…

He said that I was probably timid about commitment, which I totally am!!!  He definitely is starting to get a beat on me… I’m not sure if I like that entirely considering the fact that I am revealing very little about myself!  

The movie started and Memory made himself comfortable inbetween us…  He actually sat watching us bowl.  It’s completely comical the fact that now Memory will be coming to every date.  

The movie was INTENSE!!!!!  Another intense movie.  We were both sleepy before the movie was over but by the time it was over, we were on edge!

We walked to the cars and stood next to mine discussing when our next date would take place.  We realized that we see each other every 5 days…  

Now time for the good bye kiss, which I nearly botched up with MY awkwardness!  He grabbed me, started hugging me, leaned in and I tried to avoid it again, laughing, turning my head but he wouldn’t have it. Finally I stopped avoiding the kiss and let him plant his lips onto mine!

It wasn’t horrible.  It wasn’t earth shattering.  It was nice.  Pleasant almost.  Innocent most definitely.  Almost sweet.  I stood in his embrace as he asked if I wanted to go to a hockey game with him if he gets tickets.  

YES!!!!!  

He really is definitely wooing me.  He is doing everything just right.  He is wearing me down with his goodness to me.  He definitely is treating me exactly as I have always wanted to be treated and longed and deserve to be treated.  

I just hope that the physical attraction part will come…  

Memory went home with MG. MG wanted custody this week of the bear….

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