and-my-wallet

imagine dean and cas getting married. and then for months afterwards, cas just keeps referring to dean as his husband to everyone because he can’t get over how lucky he is.

sometimes it’s fairly normal, like when they’re meeting new people: “i’m castiel, and this is my husband, dean”

but then he also does it when he’s talking to witnesses: “i’m agent stewart and this is my partner, agent taylor. partner as in associate, but also as in my husband”

and to the clerk at the grocery store: “i don’t have my wallet, so my husband will be paying”

and even to freaking sam: “have you seen my husband?”, “my husband and i are going to the store, do you want anything?”, “my husband went out, but he said he’d be right back”

dean just kind of rolls his eyes at it, but secretly he’s thrilled.

(he’s also the one who absolutely never removes his wedding ring, no matter what. cas will leave his laying around willy-nilly after washing his hands or helping out in the kitchen or whatever, since he tends not to place the same importance in material things as humans generally do)

So I’m teaching this kid and I show him the basics and shit and after I’m done he comes up to me, holding my wallet, and says Hey coach! WhO’s this? And he whips out a picture of my girlfriend and he’s like DAMN SHE’S FUCKING HOT! and I look him directly in the eyes and SAY I KNOW! I KNOW. SHE’S MY GIRLFRIEND. HE WANTS TO SCEW MY GIRLFRIEND.

Cleaning out stuff for my new wallet… I don’t remember why I have trading cards of Sid Haig and Vincent Price

anonymous asked:

I'm sorry bout your wallet :(

OH MY GOD OKAY
so I had a dentist appointment today and that’s where I lost it
And some beautiful amazing soul found it and then saw my dentist appointment card in it
And they brought it to the dental clinic and then the clinic called me about it and I’m gonna cry I’m so happy
Here’s to hoping they didn’t take my credit cards

CHUCK SENTENCE STARTERS
  • "Trust me"
  • "They need you. So get in there! And you be a man. No! Be more than a man... Start with the man part. Just be a man first..."
  • "You know, if I was standing on my wallet, I'd be tall."
  • "He was trampled by a herd of middle-aged secretaries at the midnight release of the Talking Justin Bieber doll."
  • "I don't run. I stalk my prey."
  • "If you ever want to save the world again, you know where I am."
  • "With all due respect, shut up."
  • "This is real? You really love me?"
  • "I was an assignment, and then you fell in love with me. And I know that sounds crazy, and if I didn't know any better I'd say it's crazy too, but the fact remains you fell for me."
  • "I like to remember all of my victories. Even the little ones."
  • "Of course she's not picking up, she's evil!"
  • "If you would use a plate when you're eating taquitos, I wouldn't have to scrub the floors, would I?"
  • "One question though. Who's Luke Skywalker?"
  • "How's your memory, buddy? Do you remember Die Hard? Star Wars? Chewie? Yoda? Yippee-kai-yay?"
  • "Sometimes, I think you're a bad person."
  • "Don't start with New Hope. Start with Phantom Menace. Everyone loves Phantom Menace."
  • "I will not let my last words to be a demand for pizza combos!"
  • "I'm a much bigger nerd than you thought I was."
  • "It’s a sweater. Why's it so soft?"
  • "You're no longer a perfect 10."
  • " You really love it here, don't you?"
  • "I think better when I'm blowing up avocados."
  • "My wife never came home."
  • "If you remember me, then you'll remember that a nerdy guy, like me, could make you happy."
  • "I think that you should kiss her."
  • "I know I don't know you very well yet, but thank you for giving her all of this.""
  • "He's not that bad. You should maybe give him another chance."
  • "Kiss me."
  • "This is my team and nobody is going to take us down."
  • "It was a bit like old times, wasn't it?"
  • "I was pretty proud of you...moron."
  • "I miss knowing kung fu."
  • "It made a nasty scar right over one of my favorite scars."
  • "I want it noted that I took out six of their guys."
  • "We're gonna get married and be together, forever. I love you."
  • "Like the mother I never had."
  • "She is one of the strongest and one of the most amazing women I have ever met.
  • "This is what happens when you draw your plans from Star Wars."
  • "You don't mind if I stick around a bit do ya?"
  • "You don't have the authority, pretend ya do."
  • "Remember, family and friends are everything. Money, greed, and power are a dance with Satan...and he looks like me."
  • "Everyone hates me. I accept that."
  • "Do you have UNO?"
  • "If you love something, let it go. And if it comes back, you can eat it."
  • "I haven't felt anything in years."
  • "I hate being a nemesis. Maybe I should take her out to coffee."

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

I love this little face 

Like 

You can use it for everything, like:

- Hey I forgot to do my homework.

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

- Darn I forgot my wallet.

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

- I fucked yo bitch. 

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Rules: Always post the rules. Answer the questions the person gave you, and write 11 new questions for the people you tag. Tag 11 people and link them to the post.

I was tagged by technorat, thank you!!

1. What’s to your left at this very moment?
Yellow paper, my phone, wallet, and my drink.

2. What’s the most recent movie you’ve seen?
The last movie I watched was Hello Boy 2 and the Room.

3. Do you speak any other languages
I’m learning Japanese.
4. Have you been outside of the country you were born in?
Ugh sadly no.

5. Do you have a pet? can i pet them?
I have like six cats, dog, guinea pig, and too many chickens. Yes you can pet them!

6. Do you like the rain?
As long as I don’t have to go outside and I have a nice game to play, yes.

7. Any tv show recommendations?
Not the new season of Tokyo Ghoul. Lol but seriously, I basically only watch crime shows, Law&Order:SVU, and Hannibal.

8. Name a character you like!
Tsukiyama Shuu of course!! <3

9. What’s your favorite holiday?
Halloween for the wind.

10. What up?
A very dirty ceiling.

And now for my shitty questions!

1) How’s your day going?
2) Favorite animal?
3) Favorite game?
4) What’s directly to your right?
5) Ipod/phone background?
6) What’s the weather like right now?
7) Last book you read?
8) Favorite piece of clothing?
9) Can you make any origami things?
10) Something you’re looking forward to?
11) Favorite food?

And the unlucky losers are: deathtopi4, deathbyateacup, stylographic-blue-rhapsody, sasshomaru, attackonmomo, albinos-ruined-me, virgoid. And I’m done.

I bought a homeless man a sandwich on the way to work and then I got to work and found out I was short paid last week so I was given an extra $45 which makes up for what I lost in my wallet (twice)

anonymous asked:

alright great! what was the closest one of your friends ever came to catching you in diapers. And also have you ever wet while standing by people. What is that going to be like?

One of friends hit my butt and they asked why it sounded different I just said they hit my wallet. I love peeing while standing next to someone I’m talking too. It makes me feel more little