and-gender

5

Here is my #OOTD!

George and I started the day off by sleeping in.
I woke up to the sound of him in the kitchen, that’s always a good thing!
We had a great start to the day.

We went out for a long walk around the house and he snapped these shots!
Then we came home and had an amazing dinner.

A while later my mom came over and gave me a custom tattoo!
We hung out for a bit and then she went home.

Now I am here, writing in my journal.
Edit & save. Edit again.
Publish it online for the world to see.

I love my life.

- Elliott Alexzander

hi!!! I’m Lovi and I’m a nonbinary latinx/asian teen and I would really appreciate if you would take the time to read this!!!!

Right now I’m going through a rough time, emotionally and financially. My family is poor, and we don’t have money for a lot of things we need.

Usually I’m low on things such as:
-toiletpaper
-underwear
-food that isn’t a dollar/is good for you
-cat food
-clothes that actually fit
-pads/tampons
-body wash/lotion

Not only do we not have a lot of things we need, a lot of our things are beginning to break! Our fridge is slowly starting to stop work and my old computer’s trackpad is beginning to not work.

I would also like to be able to buy things for myself to help with my dysphoria such as a:
-binder
-“boy” clothes / clothing geared toward people of the male gender

I would really appreciate any donations to my paypal, just send it to babydollromano@gmail.com !!!!!
Thank you for reading and have a lovely day!! (Please reblog if you can ^^)

“Identifying with” vs “Identifying as”

Growing up I identified with the other little boys a lot, and with the other girls almost not at all. I identified with the rough and tumble lifestyle of the boys, and with their carefree adventuring. The girls in the neighborhood would tag along with the boys at times, but it was always tagging along. The girls were never the Captain. When the boys played street hockey, the girls came too, but they sat on the sidelines and cheered and talked. I played, of course, until I was about 9 years old and despite the extra pads and helmet my dad made me wear, he decided that it was too rough and that I couldn’t play with the boys any more. He was right, of course, the boys *were* rough, but so was I! I identified with the boys.

When I watched TV and saw a married couple, I always identified with the husband. I knew that when I eventually married that I wanted to be the one providing for the family, doling out wisdom and discipline, and being left alone to pursue my own intellectual interests whenever I wasn’t doing one of those things. That’s what I saw. I certainly didn’t identify with the idea of rearing the children and devoting my life to child, family, and house care. I wanted to be an independent person inside of a family support system. I saw that in the husband’s position in the family. I identified with the husband.

When I was a teenager and the young men around me were obsessed with music, body modification, and girls, I identified with them. I knew other young dykes, but the ones that I knew seemed more obsessed with being queer* than anything else, and I couldn’t relate. I identified with the simplicity of being an adolescent male, in part because really nothing was expected of them. I spent high school playing hardcore shows and avoiding other lesbians. At 15 my then-girlfriend starting calling me her boyfriend and I bound for the first time. My male friends treated me like “one of the guys,” which is to say, as a completely distinct phenomenon from the other females. My feelings of being different, of being “not like the other girls,” were reinforced with every turn. I was able to “opt-out” of the gross objectification of my female peers, largely through this understanding of my identification. I identified with my young male friends.

As a young adult, my identification with became my identification as. The lines had blurred, and I no longer saw the distinction – if I had seen it at all up to that point. I became one of the young men, instead of the one female allowed in our boys’ club. I was accepted with open arms, and my identity was affirmed from all directions in my social circle.

It wasn’t until many years later that I really had to start untangling the differences between identifying with the men in my life, versus identifying as a man. I think that if I had had Butch women or other young Butches in my life at some of these critical moments that I would have identified with them, instead of males. The sad fact is that Butch women and the Butch experience is really not something that is accessible or visible to the vast majority of our youth. As a young person, so much of one’s sense of self is shaped by one’s role models, that it seems no wonder that a young GNC female would feel identity and kinship with males, instead of with females, if no Butch or GNC females are available as role models. If the only people that talk about their bodies the way the way that a young GNC female experiences her body identify as men, then it is clear to see why more and more GNC females are identifying as men and transitioning.

I am most motivated by myself ten or twenty years ago to keep pushing and keep being visible. It is sometimes very hard to stand up and talk about my dysphoria or my transition, but I think it’s worth it for future generations. Our young Butches and GNC females need to see their lives and experiences reflected in a way that is positive about being female and accepting of one’s female body. I just want to be the example that I wish I had had as a child. If I can show even one young woman that she is completely in charge of her body and the way that she uses it to express herself, then I will have accomplished my goals. I think there’s a lot more than one out there, though. I think there are a lot of us that need this healing visibility. I will continue to put my words and face out there for as long as it takes.

We’re so concerned about gender binaries in relationships that we overlook the really important relationship binaries. Binaries like:

  • Who makes the terrible puns vs. who makes a big production out of being offended by them
  • Who constantly interrupts TV shows with “hey, weren’t they in…?” vs. who looks it up on Wikipedia to shut them up
  • Who collects loose screws and stray bread tabs in case they’ll need them later vs. who quietly thins out the junk drawer when nobody’s looking
  • Who randomly brings up really far-fetched concerns vs. who says “I’m sure it’s fine, dear” (or words to that effect)
Discovering Gender Identity with Nikolas

Accepting and realizing who I am was the biggest struggle. At first, I was comfortable with myself. I knew who I was. I grew up in a religious household and was always taught that the only correct relationship was between a man and a woman. After learning that, I said to myself “Oh okay! That makes sense. I’m a boy then.”

My parents allowed me to express myself the way I wanted. My sister grew up the same way, but they didn’t know that I knew I am a boy. I didn’t think it was an important topic to discuss so I never brought it up. 

After my nephew was born, I was shocked and confused because they told me he was a boy and I noticed that we didn’t have the same genitalia. I talked about it with my family and they were concerned because they had no idea that I was feeling this way. They wanted to prevent this from continuing so my parents explained that I need to present myself as a female because that is who I am. But I knew that wasn’t the case. I fought it for as long as I could. But soon enough, they replaced everything I had with “girl” clothes and toys. That flipped my world entirely. I didn’t feel like myself at all. But I tried. I tried for so long to be happy as a girl. 

In middle school I came across a video about being transgender. It hit me so hard. I remember crying in my room because I realized that I was never wrong. It was frustrating to me that the ones I loved believed otherwise. I was not wrong. 

I kept doing my research and I came out after high school. At first, I believed that I was in the wrong body. I always wished to have been assigned male at birth because my life would have been easier. But now, I wouldn’t change a damn thing about my life. I am who I am BECAUSE of the struggles I went through. I understand exactly how women feel because I experienced it. I am a better man because of my life. I know that I would be a completely different person if I was assigned male at birth. 

I am proud to be transgender.

Now I am helping my family learn to be more compassionate and understanding towards the community. And it is working. 

-Nikolas

All in one place

Today’s media flurry about the gender-inclusive title Mx for your perusal!

Be warned, there is a lot of misunderstanding that Mx is a title for trans and nonbinary people - but it’s actually just a gender-inclusive title, which means anyone can use it regardless of gender or cis/trans status.

However, we now know that it’s been around since at least 1977, and that it’s being considered for inclusion in the Oxford English Dictionary! This is very positive.

I will add more as and when they turn up. Feel free to let me know about any I’ve missed.

7

Bolivia Struggles with Gender-Based Violence

María Isabel Pillco’s body lay on a table in the city morgue. A doctor was conducting an autopsy on it, peeling back layers of skin and tissue. It was early November, and the sun blazed overhead as dozens of people milled around in a dusty parking lot outside. The Pillco family was among them, waiting for her body to be released for the funeral the following day. The dead woman’s partner, the father of their 2-year-old child, was not in the crowd; he was sitting in a police cell halfway across the city — held as a suspect in her death.

“I want justice for my daughter,” Pillco’s mother, Elvira Gavincha, cried as she leaned against a concrete wall that cast a small strip of shadow on the dry ground.

Read the full story by Pulitzer Center journalists Sarah Shahriari and Noah Friedman-Rudovsky for Al Jazeera America.