I’m sorry for being so miserable I hate to make everyone else hate me but I’m all alone right now. I have no one else.
*if you are in a sad mood, please don’t read this. Go search the cute puppies tag*
I feel like I’m losing friends that I never really had.
My one close friend was really abusive, and I took it for such a long time because I felt like I had no choice. But now I realize I do and I am walking away. Here’s the catch: she’s abused too! Her home life sucks. I’d always been there for her in times of trouble… But she never was for me. And once everything was okay again, she would only talk to her other friends. It hurts.
My childhood best friend had chosen some girls who were always mean and malicious just this school year. We’d gotten in our first major fight the last week of school. It sucked, I’m still miserable over it. Or in fact, he often chose anyone over me. But we are sort of okay now, guess. But I’m going to a new school next year, and he’s moving a few hours away… It sucks. I am losing him to.
Ironically, he had issues with being suicidal too. He always confided in me. But I felt like he was miserable enough without my problems weighing on his shoulders. I didn’t talk about my issues or feelings.
Lastly, my Nicole. My dear, sweet, Nicole. She tried to come out to her mom, and was supposed to be kicked out of her own home and family. But while packing, she had a mental breakdown and was admitted into a mental hospital, where she was diagnosed with depression. A week later she came back to her mothers house, and she’s banned from electronics. And when she gets them back, she’s not allowed to talk to me anymore.
Nicole’s schoolmate has been keeping updated, and relaying messages to Nicole for me. Nicole hasn’t said anything to me yet.
She was the best friend I’ve ever had. We could confide in each other, we cared about each other. Dare I say, we love each other.
Also my dad might be dying or really unhealthy? Idk.
I have a friend who I have known for a while, that I hadn’t talked to for a few weeks. I talked to her a few days ago via phone call; she was crying. She told me about how secretly insecure she was (and I can assure you, this girl has nothing to be insecure about-she’s pretty, funny, kind, has a great personality… I could go on). I did what I do best: sympathize and empathize, an listened. After I got her out of a bad mood, we started talking about phan (btw we are phan trash). When out phone call was done, she said she felt a lot better.
What do you think? Can I confide in her? Can she bear the weight of my troubles? Also, I kinda used to have a small crush on that person; I don’t really anymore, bc she’s someone I care about, and have been friends with for a long time, and I don’t wanna see her that way.
I’m sick of worrying about other people’s feelings, but I can’t stop. I have my own issues, but their’s are worse and more important. Why am I so god damn nice?
Glinda Upland is one of my favorite characters…. Little did I know a few months ago, I’d turn into her.
If you read that, thank you, please go do something a bit happier now. Google cute kittens.