WHAT I'VE LEARNED FROM EVERY EPISODE OF STEVEN UNIVERSE SO FAR

Gem Glow: YOU’RE NOT GROWN UP YET

Laser Light Cannon: YOUR DAD LOVES YOUR MOM EVEN IF SHE’S DEAD

Cheeseburger Backpack: IF YOU FORGET YOUR SHIT THE WORLD WILL END AND A FIFTY PERCENT WON’T BRING IT BACK

Together Breakfast: DON’T BUG ME WHILE I’M WORKING YOU LITTLE BASTARD!

Frybo: GETTING NAKED IN PUBLIC SOLVES EVERYTHING

Cat Fingers: WATER KILLS CATS… I GUESS…

Bubble Buddies: IT’S NOT GOOD TO TRAP YOUR CRUSH IN A BUBBLE BUT GIVING HER A PRESENT MAKES IT OKAY

Serious Steven: KIDS ARE SMARTER THAN PEARL

Tiger Millionaire: IT’S REALLY HARD TO BE A WRESTLER AND NOT BE A DICK ABOUT IT

Steven’s Lion: IT’S OKAY TO PLAY WITH WILD ANIMALS AS LONG AS THEY’RE PINK

Arcade Mania: IF YOU’RE A THREE-EYED FREAK YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED and also VIDEO GAMES ARE BAD FOR YOU

Giant Woman: BITCHES CAN ONLY GET ALONG IF A KID IS ABOUT TO DIE

So Many Birthdays: IF YOU’RE NOT A KID THEN YOU’RE A DEAD OLD FUCK AND YOU WILL MAKE GROWN WOMEN CRY

Lars and the Cool Kids: YOUR MOM IS A HIPPIE GET USED TO IT

Onion Trade: NEVER TRUST THE KID THAT SPEAKS IN WAH-WAH-WAHS

Steven the Sword Fighter: MANSLAUGHTER VICTIMS ALWAYS COME BACK FROM THE DEAD

Lion 2- The Movie: …DISREGARD WHAT I SAID EARLIER ABOUT WILD ANIMALS

Beach Party: SORRY I COULDN’T STOP STARING AT GARNET’S LEGS LONG ENOUGH TO LEARN ANYTHING IN THIS ONE

Rose’s Room: STAY OUT OF YOUR PARENTS’ CLOSET!

Coach Steven: YOU’RE GOING TO HAVE TO FLIRT A LOT MORE TO GET YOUR CRUSH TO KEEP FROM DOING SOMETHING STUPID *cough*PEARL*cough*GARNET*cough*LESBIANS*cough*

Joking Victim: TEENAGE ROMANCES ARE AWFUL AND TERRIBLE AND THEY MAKE YOU DO AWFUL AND TERRIBLE AND STUPID THINGS

Steven and The Stevens: PLAY WITH YOUR FRIENDS INSTEAD OF YOURSELF FOR A CHANGE!

Monster Buddies: DON’T STEP ON THE REALLY BIG BUGS

An Indirect Kiss: IT’S OKAY TO SPIT ON PEOPLE… I GUESS…

Mirror Gem: FOR GOD’S SAKE KID, GET HELP IF INANIMATE OBJECTS START TALKING TO YOU!

Ocean Gem: EVERYONE BRACE YOURSELF FOR THE BIG WAVE OF LAPIS LAZULI FANART COMING…

House Guest: DUCT TAPE FIXES LITERALLY EVERYTHING… AS IF NOTHING COULD PROVE IT BEFORE NOW

Space Race: PEARL YOU CRAZY OLD BITCH WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?!

Secret Team: I DON’T CARE IF YOU HATE YOUR ADOPTED SISTER, WE’RE ALL SUPPOSED TO BE A HAPPY FUCKING FAMILY GODDAMMIT

Island Adventure: TEENAGE ROMANCES LOWER YOUR IQ LEVEL

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