That’s the crazy thing about brains. They’re this huge rolodex of every memory and experience and event you’ve ever experienced. Sometimes it’ll just be a normal day, and your brain decides to pull up a memory from years before. Whether it be a random breakfast or significant event, our brain can decide for us what we’re going to think about.
Well tonight I decided to have an American Horror Story marathon. My last relationship I was cheated on, and it ruined me. It took me a long time and a lot of self work to get where I am today. But every once in a while I see something that will trigger a memory that reminds me of that dark period of my life. Tonight on American Horror Story, I relieved all of it. The hurt, the betrayal, the gut feeling, that fucking sinking feeling when you realize they lied again….and you were never really worth much of anything to them.
Tonight I remembered and relived that horrible part of my life. I know what people mean when they say that a horrible event was never in fact horrible because it was a lesson learned.
This really is one of those times. It is one of the single most horrible and heart breaking lessons to learn, but because of it I have become a stronger woman. I can play the game and figure it out before I get hurt. I’ve learned as I’ve grown, and I’m a better woman for it. I refuse to be used and taken advantage of. I am a woman that deserves to be treated right, and now that I have accepted that, I know that I owe it to myself not to settle for less than I truly deserve