ambulance life

EMS RULES

1. People die.

2. You can not always prevent number one.

3. You aren’t required to know everything.

4. You are required to know the foundational knowledge and skills of your job. NO EXCEPTIONS!

5. Blue is bad.

6. Air goes in and out, blood goes round and round. Any variation of this is bad.

7. If you drop the baby, pick it up!

8. Remember when dealing with patients, families, and supervisors; if it felt good saying it, it was the wrong thing to say.

9. All bleeding stops….Eventually…

10. Generally, its a BAD thing to use the terms “That’s not good” or “oh shit” in refrence to the patients condition.

11. It’s okay to pet the dog, even with gloves on.

12. All patients have a full stomach.

13. A patients wieght is directly proportional to the probablitly that the elevator does not work.

14.If you respond to a car accident after midnight and do not find someone drunk, keep looking, you are missing a patient.

15. The dead seldom get better, on the other hand, they never get worse!

16. An unconsciouse patient is a co-operative patient.

17. Most of your patients will be healthier then you are.

18. If during your transport, your driver yells don’t look out the front window… or the back, abide by this.

19. If its stupid but it works, its not stupid.

20. Training is learning the rules: experience is learning the exceptions.

21. Dispatchers will never miss their lunch breaks… they can also ensure you get yours.

22. Patients who fall or get injured outside will always move inside to the top floor bedroom before calling 911 because they can no longer walk.

23.To figure out the true amount of drinks a drunk has had, take the number they say and multiply it by 2 and add 3.

24. In apartments your patient will always be at the last room at the end of the hall on the left.

25.Common sense… is NOT common.

26. Think of your shift as a game. Survivor, the 12 hour version.

27. There are only 3 kinds of patients; 1) Ill, 2) Injured 3) Ignorant… 3 usually leads to 1 or 2.

28. Standard responses from nursing home staff include: it’s not my patient, I just got here, I was on vacation, they are new here, It’s not my floor, I think so, I am only here 1 day a week, I didn’t ask for the fire department, I don’t see it on their chart.

29. Don’t ever lie to your patient. If something is awkward to say, learn to say it without lying.

30. Proper use of a BVM is hard and takes practice.

31. OPAs and NPAs make using a BVM less hard.

32. Carry your weight.

33. Carry the patient.

34. If the FD or PD does #33 for you, make sure you thank them!

35. Have someone to talk to when the world crashes down.

36. Let human tragedy enhance your appreciation for all that you have.

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send HELP (x)

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I like a movie titled “Serendipity”. Two years ago, I went to a small theater that played that movie and saw him for the first time.

It’s an EMS Life ….

What you can expect from making a living on an ambulance

1 You’ll find it hard to start relationships because alone time will become a precious thing.

2 Your sense of humor will degrade into the politically incorrect and socially unacceptable

3 You’ll eventually start swearing like a sailor and you won’t even notice yourself doing it.

4 You’ll turn into an anorak/monomaniac and always turn all conversations back EMS

5 You’ll earn a pittance for years/decades.

6 You’ll either lose a vast amount of weight or gain a vast amount of weight.

7 You’ll never ever have a tan ever again. (Unless you buy it)

8 You won’t become famous.

9 You’ll develop a habit, whether it be coffee, cigarettes, alcohol, gambling, or even red bull.

10 Your feet will get destroyed.

11 Your back will get destroyed.

12 Your hands will get destroyed.

13 You’ll live in a constant state of sleep deprivation, indefinitely.

14 You’ll have to ask your friends to plan everything around your schedule, which is in complete opposition with their availability, because you never know your days off in advance and you probably won’t be able to change it….and you are an hour whore to make ends meet.

15 You’ll become jaded to the ability of people to tell the truth

16 You’ll become more prone to temper flare ups

17 Your awareness of other people’s lack of efficiency and common sense will increase and your tolerance of it will decrease.

18 You’ll spend the largest part of your life cooped up in a small, undecorated truck or station with crappy air conditioning, poor heat and a small group of people who will become your only social interactions.

19 You will work longer hours than you ever imagined possible or thought legal.

20 Your shortest work days will be longer than most people’s longest, and your longer workdays, which make up about half of your working week, will be longer than the average person is awake in a day.

21 You will probably start eating mostly fast food and cheap instant noodles.

22 You will be the subject of abuse, whether physical or emotional. Officially, it will be as a test of character. In reality, it will be as a form of entertainment.

23 You will end up spending so much time at work that your colleagues will know you better than your spouse/family/friends do.

24 You will meet and form strong bonds with types of people whom you’d previously never even have imagined sharing conversations with.

25 You will be in a constant state of stress.

26 You will never be irreplaceable and will be expected to constantly give 110%.

27 You will always be exhausted.

28 You will not be allowed to call in sick for a hangover.

29 You will be expected to place your work before any other part of your life in your list of priorities.

30 You will never be congratulated on your work.

31 You will be expected to treat your superiors as absolute masters and never answer back, try to explain yourself, start a conversation, or show any other type of insubordination, even if you know that they are in the wrong or feel as if their behavior towards you is unacceptable.

32 You will be expected to trot out “worst call ever” stories at every family gathering…EVER.

33 At least one year out of two, and maybe every year, you will work Christmas, New Year’s Eve, Easter, Valentine’s day, Mother’s day, Father’s day, bank holidays, Halloween, your birthday, and pretty much every other day of celebration on the calendar.

34You will make mistakes, and every time you do make a mistake, someone will notice it and make you understand that you are clearly a subhuman because only a subhuman could make such a mistake.

35 If you are a woman, you will constantly be the subject of misogynist remarks and jokes,sexual harassment, belittlement and remarks about your menstrual cycle.

36 None of your friends or family will understand what is involved in your work and you will never be able to make them understand.

37 You will spend vast amounts of money on equipment, books, and training which will leave you with not much money for other things.

38 You will develop a creepy obsession with needles.

39 If you are a Basic, you will develop a creepy obsession with Trauma Scissors

40 If you are the right type of person, you will thank your lucky star every single day for the rest of your life for making you take the best decision you ever did and become an EMT or Paramedic And you will fall in love with your job and never look back.