So I feel like the fact that the only reason my abs hurt is due to Austin bending me back over a railing when we were hooking up is a really fucking bad thing…
I want him to do it over and over again. I even shaved my legs and cleaned my room for him just in case he fucking came over omg I’m such a whore what is thissssss. Like I don’t think I’ll see him tomorrow cause he’s probably going to the VEMS party and I just. I want to hang out with him and get to know him more and also make out with him because he’s the best kisser I’ve ever encountered. He intrigues me. Like there are so many sides to him and I love finding new ones. Like today in rehearsal I was trying to get Vincent’s attention and it wasn’t working and he looked at me getting frustrated and he automatically yelled for Vincent. Like it’s a small thing but the fact that he doesn’t like seeing me uspet… I don’t know. I just appreciate little things like that. And I can’t get to this point because shit he’s supposed to only be this kid who I’m friends with that I also hook up with but after Tuesday night I’m like conflicted because A, I haven’t been kissed like that maybe ever and he was both extremely rough and gentle at different points of the night – ps it was literally for like an hour and a half OUTSIDE just STANDING like who even does that, half the time with backpacks on, mind you – and he found all of my sensitive spots and was talking so dirty and I was talking dirty back and he even found new spots that I can’t get enough of (like ear shit like who knew that that stuff was hot I certainly didn’t), and B, he was being cutesy too like kissing my nose and forehead and holding my hands and being vulnerable and exposing insecurities and I JUST CAN’T TAKE THAT WHEN YOU’RE BEING SO GOOD TO ME IN THAT OTHER WAY I will literally fall in love with you even if I know you’re not my type and that’s noooooot ok. Like don’t act like that and tell me relationships are not your thing and that you prefer being single mostly because you like to hook up with a lot of girls. He was like I mean how else would I have become this good with my hands like I was not born with this talent let’s be real. But at the same time I was like wah I only want you to use them on me thoughhhhh like this is not what I was expecting to happen but I have a horrible feeling I’m going to start liking this kid for some unknown reason and won’t be able to stop hooking up with him because it’s what I want but he will probably still hook up with other girls because why not he’s still single and that will hurt. And yet he’s the one making me feel like he cares just a little bit more. And that’s the killer.
Ugh why couldn’t he have just come over and hung out with me I wouldn’t have been blogging about him I would’ve been passed out from happiness or still kissing the kid I JSUT. LAKSJf