drama in game i don’t play and community i’m not in has made me think on things.
so i quit swtor. partly due to not really having fun in it any more, partly due to feeling like i was just someone to substitute into things at the last second (though those of you who went out of their way to RP with me, set up scenes, get me into raids - you guys gave me a little flutter of remembrance of how much fun i used to have in swtor). the group i was in, while having some awesome people, also could get pretty negative, and i’m rarely in a good headspace to deal with that shit. but deal with it i did, for several months too long.
cutting the cord kind of hurt. i felt dumb because lol internet shit videogame friends, but at the same time - some of those people i knew for years. for one summer i was literally on all day (lol unemployment) and spent a shitton of time doing stuff. but i’m not the same person i used to be, i stopped taking a lot of shit and scrabbled together some sort of confidence in myself, and knew that feeling like shit whenever i logged in wasn’t good.
so the cord was cut, coinciding with friends coming back from vacation. i went out, talked about life, planned for the future. reconnected with people. it makes you realize how fucking dumb some things were, how people made big deals about small and unimportant stuff. the friends i kept chatting to were the ones who were in similar places as i - they had IRL shit going on to put stuff into perspective, i guess? i don’t mean to paint people who take RP/gaming seriously as fucking neckbeards, because the feelings involved are real and people have any number of reasons for treating things more importantly and some of the negative people did have jobs and irl shit to deal with so correlation=/=causation or whatever.
anyways, point being that after finally breaking off and ignoring the mmo shakes, i felt great. played singleplayer games. hopped into an mmo again after a couple months (eso), which i play casually. it’s remarkably freeing to not feel like you owe anyone anything in a pretendy fun time world, to just hop in when you can, rp some cool shit, and log off to do whatever. miss a weekend? s’cool. you’ve got a seat warm for you when you come back.
i feel like my impressions of swtor got tainted by some personal shit and i’m able to look at eso without baggage, but i’m happy to say i found somewhere nice.
still, miss the glory days sometimes.