That is a genuine smile right there that I can honestly say makes me feel so warm inside looking at this picture. I prayed this day would come that I would get my smile back again. For years I have been suffering serve depression and suicide thoughts and no longer had the desire to live on this earth anymore it has been one of the toughest fights of my life that I can say was not easy. It is even hard for me to write about this because it just brings back memories and feelings of how much internal pain I was in mentally and spiritually. I didn’t give a fuck about life anymore. I felt so alone and invincible to the world just like a walking lifeless body roaming the earth, I couldn’t see nothing past my pain. I didn’t see how beautiful the sky was, I didn’t see how beautiful the sun was, I didn’t notice the stars at nights , I didn’t realize how precious the people who cared about me were to my heart. For me it started at a young age but continued on throughout my adult life won’t go into too much detail but just experiencing life and tribulations going through the motions and life not being easy. I’ve experienced broken hearts before, deaths, disappointments , fights, lost with no plans you name it. All those things combined can cause depression anger and hurt. Depression sees no color, no gender, no age, or sexuality. I am writing about this because I know there are people out there that are going through the same thing I have been through and they think that they are alone I am here to say you are not alone. I do not have the answers of how to make it all go away everybody has their own story and demons they battle inside that no one will ever feel. I know as continue to live my life everything will not be perfect and I will feel pain again, this time around I have stronger faith and hope. I am still battling everyday to stay positive and hopeful to not go into that dark place and isolate myself. LOVE is what helped me see past my imperfections and pain, not love from a spouse or significant other but love from my 9 year old brother, my mother, and most importantly self love. For my truth love conquered all if it wasn’t for those two souls giving me unconditional love I would’ve ended my life. This is nothing to be ashamed about but to show courage and share my story with someone who is feeling the same way hoping that it would help. Please talk to someone you’re not alone <3 wish the best for everyone .
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-TALK
“He kissed me, so gently at first that I melted. I pressed close against him as the kiss deepened… It felt so, so good. I’d been afraid that I’d never have this again–this sense of being so achingly alive that every nerve ending was on fire.”