The best decision I made this year was to quit drinking alcohol. This has been one of the shittiest years I’ve had simply because I chose to not control my drinking. I still don’t understand what thoughts I was trying to mask by remaining behind the veil. The losses I had this year were significant and have left immense scarring. The self-destruction path I chose took a great toll on me emotionally, mentally, physically and spiritually. I know that only time will heal my wounds but also I’ve become a stronger person. I had a preview of the kind of person I could end up being if I fall under this trap again.
The loss of those that don’t understand that alcoholism is an illness was what hurt the most. I know I can’t drink moderately, sure I can go to a bar and in an hour only have a beer but the moment I get home I will down a fifth of Vodka in a night. I don’t have that “I’m good, I don’t need more” gauge. It’s tough to have the lifestyle of an alcoholic but I managed to be functional until the end.
Now I think it’s funny that I get to go to parties where I’m offered alcohol and other substances and I can calmly reject the temptation. For now I’m choosing the sober life. I’m not promising myself that I will never drink again. I’m promising myself that I will stay away long enough to fully comprehend where the drive to get smashed and continue doing it for weeks comes from.
Like I said earlier, only time can heal the wounds.