I was looking for some sobriety motivation tonight and came across this. I think it explains exactly what goes on in my head sometimes. “Don’t quit…do it…don’t quit…do it!” It’s fucking nuts!

Be a Devil

  • Tequila - 1 1/3 oz
  • Cranberry Juice - 2/3 oz
  • Lime Juice - 2/3 oz
  • Rich Syrup - 1 tsp
  • Egg White - 1
  • Shake everything with ice and strain into a chilled cocktail glass. Garnish with a lime wedge.

One of the few modern cocktails added by Peter Dorelli to the updated The Savoy Cocktail Book. This drink really shows how well tequila and cranberry mix together. The original recipe didn’t include any sweetener, which I believe would be far too tart for anyone to handle, unless the cranberry “juice” they are using is very, very sweet; so I added a teaspoon of rich simple syrup (2:1).

"All great changes are preceded by chaos."

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I will never forget the desperate, dark place I was in when I decided to quit drinking. I was hung over. Epically hung over. And then there were the headaches. The exhaustion. The shame. The anxiety. So many days were spent just surviving the after effects of my latest binge.

I was embarrassed. I didn’t remember what I had said or done the night before. I alienated so many friends and family members while drunk. No telling what I’d done or who I’d hurt or offended next to add to that list.

I was scared. Scared of losing friends. My family. My daughter. The shred of dignity I had left. My freedom. I was doing things that were morally and legally wrong. Every binge got more extreme than the last one. I was out of control and it was getting worse. I was spiraling downward and not sure how to fix things.

My health was suffering. My skin. My liver. My spleen. My heart. I stopped caring about my body and what I was doing to it. Even after being hospitalised for an enlarged spleen and spots on my liver due to excessive drinking. I stopped eating well. Drinking, smoking and partying was far more important. I gained weight. I held my breath before every doctor’s appointment, petrified of the damage I may have caused to my own body. And when that message came loud and clear, I ignored it.

When I decided to quit, I had a deep feeling of dread that was unshakable. No one said this would be easy. But when I decided to quit, I was desperate to be in the place I am at right now. To find peace in sobriety. To be excited about life without drinking. And for the first time in my 4 months of sobriety, I am just that. Excited. I’m not stupid, there will still be hard days ahead, but I know I can make it. Sober. After all, I’ve finally realised something I’ve been told all along. I am strong. I am tough. I am a fighter. And I’m a lot stronger sober than I ever was drunk. And nicer. 

6

I’ve been busy with all sorts of projects trying to keep my mind busy and focused. Seems to be working but this week with the holiday nearing it’s been a bit challenging. I am craving a bottle of whiskey right now pretty bad. I won’t get one but I want one. I want that feeling of escape and oblivion. I want the entire bottle! I fantasize about sneaking off somewhere like I used to for a swig. Ahh…the first drink was always the best. I could feel the stress leaving my body instantly. Wouldn’t that be nice…too bad it ruins my life!

I have stopped trying to become the person I was before addiction took it’s toll. I don’t even remember who that person was. So I am becoming a new person. With new thoughts, dreams, feelings and opinions. It’s an exciting process because I have no idea what this new me can do or where she will take me. But whatever, wherever, I’m up for it and along for the ride!