anonymous said:

I have kind of a weird question i have been struggling with my whole life. I identify as bisexual, but i have a lack of sexual desires for really anyone. I feel weird when I don't find anyone sexually attractive. I do not find men or women attractive. I only feel sexually attractive usually to the person I am in a relationship with, but even out of a relationship, I have no desires. I am confused as to who i am. Part 1/2

Part 2/2. Also I identify as female, but ever since i was a little kid, i always thought i should have been born a male. I don’t know what this means. If i could, I would like to be both, but I don’t know how someone could be male one day and female the next and I’m afraid of being cast out because of it. Is this a normal thing, to not know who or what I am. I don’t know if i want to be male or female, bisexual or asexual. Any feedback could help me feel a little better. Im so confused.

Well, from the way you’re talking it sounds like you’re leaning more towards pansexual and gender fluid… however those are just labels to help fit you into a category.

Remember that a label is a set thing. It’s a way to group together certain traits into a mold, and if you feel like you fit perfectly into that mold, and a label will help you feel more secure and comfortable with yourself, then go for it! :) My own personal preference leans against labels, since every situation is so unique. 

I’ve had a male friend who always identified as gay become sexually attracted to a female. I’ve had a female friend who identified as straight eventually decide she was bisexual, and following that gay. I had another female friend identify as gender fluid, and then gender queer. People’s preferences can often change as they grow older and discover themselves, or as different people enter their lives. I personally don’t see the point in boxing yourself in, limiting yourself, to a label when you can simply say “I’m me and I like this.”

As for “normal”. I can assure you dear, you are definitely normal when it comes to not being sure of yourself. ;) Most people go through a phase of that at least once in their lives. Usually multiple times. It’s hard to be sure of yourself when your preferences and mentality are changing and maturing.

You’re creating yourself from your experiences, and we keep developing as we get older. Learning doesn’t stop and no one is set in stone, it’s part of being human. We learn, adapt, and grow. Don’t fear the process of discovery, don’t fear what others might think, Don’t fear your own preferences and desires. Enjoy the changes and progress you make, surround yourself with like minded people that will accept and care for you, and embrace what you love. ))