Not too long ago my mother dusted off an ancient planner dated 1999. It was my grandpa’s. Why are we JUST discovering this? I don’t know. It seemed as if he intended for us to find it someday as it was addressed to us.
The first line read:
"From now on I intend to donate the rest of my life to three (3) things. The first will be writing about personal experiences which I have undergone. Some of them have been pleasant yes, others have been unfortunately ruthless…"
That is just a snippet. He went on to state the second thing. Travelling. He wished to travel to places where his money and health would permit him to. His third thing was to read as time would permit him.
He then went on to write about his children whom he dreamt of finding a career there were happy with rather than dictating their every move.
The thing about it is that he didn’t finish writing this entry. He stopped mid-sentence. Now I wonder why he didn’t finish. Funnily, it was the year before he had died. The year before I went out to buy skittles at his request, run home and wave it in his face only to be confused as to why he wasn’t moving.
I didn’t know he was dead. I didn’t know. I didn’t know why people were crying. But what I do know is that I wish I had known more about him back then. Felt more connected to him back then. Understood back then. That day, where I looked into his frozen face, eyes wide and mouth smiling, has haunted me for 14 years. There is not a day that goes by that I don’t remember it.
Seeing this planner and this entry has made me feel connected to him because I too wish to donate my life to these three things. I’ve started first and third one and I will add a fourth.
The fourth thing I will donate my life to doing is making my Grandma proud in every single way I possibly can.