I think the biggest difference between the toxic people on Tumblr today and the toxic people on 4chan five-ish years ago is the attitude.
The motto for 4chan was always “just doing it for the lulz”. They’d dox and harass and threaten people, but they seemed to be entirely aware of what they were doing and why. They openly knew what they were doing was wrong and they were just doing it for shits and giggles. They were honest and self-aware.
The toxic people on Tumblr do a lot of the same stuff, albeit with less enthusiasm and creativity. They’ll encourage people to commit suicide, they’ll tell people that they hope they get raped, they’ll spread your personal information. But instead of doing it for fun, they think they’re fucking saving the world.
They don’t tell you to kill yourself because it’ll hurt your feelings. They do it because they think you don’t deserve to live. They won’t dox you to send pizzas to your house. They do it so you’ll lose your job and hopefully someone will go to your house and attack you. They don’t tell you to get raped because it’s an edgy thing to say. They want you to get raped because you don’t 100% agree with feminism.
These are people here who legitimately believe they’re doing God’s work by pulling together thousands of people in hopes of ruining or even ending someone’s life. And that’s much more dangerous.
Serial killer, Gordon Stewart Northcott, is classified as a ‘homosexual sadist’ by many criminologists. He claimed that he was sodomized by his father when he was 10 years old, and that this drove him to carry out his sadistic urges. For years, Northcott actually made money off these urges, kidnapping young boys and hiding them out on his ranch, and then renting his victims out to wealthy Southern California pedophiles.
(Part 1) Oh, wise one, I have only a few people to ask for advice about this so I figured I'll get a new opinion, if you'll help me out! I have been with my husband for 7 years (2 of them married) and, well, I'll make a ridiculously long story as short as I can. (Background: he's latin american, and they are much more affectionate than americans(like me), generalizing from everyone I know. Throughout our relationship, he's had a number of female friends who are more affectionate than I'd like...
and I have told him it makes me uncomfortable and Asked him to ask them to stop, but there is one girl who is a huge problem. They talk about sexual things and “joke” about sexual things they (according to him) have not done, and he has hung out with her in secret, so secret in fact that she came here from his old country and they hung out and took a roadtrip AND HE DIDNT TELL ME ABOUT IT. I found out from my grandma asking my mom who she was on facebook because the girl has me blocked. And I have confronted him many times and each time he says he will stop talking to her but he never does and every time I happen to see that she’s sent him messages he says hes not talking to her but she wont stop talking to him. 2 times ago I seriously told him I want a divorce because this will never change, but we decided one more strike and its over. Then it happened again and i said okay once more but seriously this is the last chance. Then two days ago he was on his phone at the theater before the movie and i glanced to see what he was doing and saw the main list of messages and a few down was a message from her that day at 7pm. I dont think he had responded, and we had been together out with friends since 6. So I need to bring it up again in the next few days (i havent because weve been working and havent seen each other except at 3am in bed). Its hard to decide to leave and i dont know what to do! If you have advice I would appreciate it! Thx
Oh man, normally I try to be measured and thoughtful in these things but Anon, why do you keep giving this dickbag another chance? You’ve given him like four last chances. Why are you still with him?
Because the thing is, whether or not he’s actually cheating on you – which I gotta tell you, having watched a lot of the TV show Cheaters, he’s almost definitely cheating on you – he obviously doesn’t respect you. He tells you what you want to hear and then does what he wants. He hides things from you when he knows they’ll upset you, and probably not because he doesn’t want to upset you but because he doesn’t want to get caught and have to talk you into staying with him again. He knows what he’s doing hurts you and he clearly doesn’t give a shit. I am sorry, I am so sorry, and this is not your fault, but your husband is a jerk.
I know it’s hard to leave a committed relationship. I know that there’s shame involved, and a feeling of failure, and I know that you may not be in a great financial position to leave him. I know you might be afraid of being alone. But bb. Figure out a way to swing it and leave him. If he hasn’t gotten better by now he’s not going to, and he clearly a) doesn’t care about what makes you happy and b) doesn’t care overly much if you find out he’s hurting you. The only reason he keeps talking you into staying is that then he’s got a guaranteed partner to come home to. Ask yourself, what are you getting out of this relationship? What is he getting out of this relationship? Who’s getting more? I’m gonna go out on a limb and assume he’s getting everything he wants and you’re getting nearly nothing you want. And do you really feel happy having to keep tabs on him? Do you really feel like a good person when you spy on him because you can’t trust him?
If you are in a position to leave him, leave him. Don’t confront him, don’t ask him to change. Tell him you’re done and leave him. Better yet, leave him while he’s out and leave him a note telling him you’ve left him, and don’t ever talk to him without a lawyer again. Take your stuff, clean out what’s yours from any joint bank accounts you guys have, cut off his access to any personal accounts you have, find somewhere safe to stay, and leave him.
There is no aspect of being single that is worse than being in a relationship with someone who has no respect for you. You deserve better. I hope you find it.
“It’s really terrifying to think that saying “hey maybe beating women is bad” is now considered being a white knight. That’s like if someone was driving over animals in a petting zoo and when you asked them to stop they were like, ‘OMG OK PETA. OBVIOUSLY YOU’RE JUST SAYING THAT BECAUSE YOU JUST WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH THAT GOAT.’”
I'm pretty sure I developed bpd from being in an abusive relationship but they also had mental health problems and it sometimes really scares me and make me feel like what I went through wasn't valid as abuse and that I'm the bad person
I know that feeling anon! I too survived an abusive relationship, and while I refuse to armchair diagnose my ex, he certainly was struggling mental health wise. While we were together, his mother and I would beg him to go see a therapist because he always felt unhappy, anxious, lost, angry, empty and volatile.
Because of this, he behaved dangerously. He would emotionally and mentally terrorize those around him, me worst of all. He’d manipulate people to treat me like garbage and would gaslight me to get what he wanted. He’d break things, and yell and scream and threaten and a bunch of other terrible terrible things that I don’t really want to get into.
The trauma of the relationship triggered my symptoms to the point of me no longer being able to function at a “normal” level, which lead me to getting a BPD diagnosis. I was always struggling, but after that, my mental health became way worse.
The important thing here is to remember that symptoms are not the same thing as behaviour. Symptoms lead to behaviours, but they don’t make a specific behaviour(in this case, abuse) happen - there’s still a choice. I may experience an intense fear of abandonment, but that doesn’t make me isolate people and and react possessively in a violent manner. Just because my ex was afraid of the same thing doesn’t mean he had the right to abuse and hurt me.
People with mental illnesses can’t control their symptoms. What we can control is the behaviour that follows. And while you may not be able to ever control it completely, and any control at all takes a ton of work, there’s a huge difference between allowing your behaviour to remain abusive and excusing all the hurt and pain you cause or trying your best to make yourself safe, even if you mess up along the way.
You aren’t a bad person. Your ex had mental health issues and they abused you. Just because you’re both mentally ill doesn’t erase your experiences and doesn’t mean that you’re a liar.
So like many others, I was sheltered by the media to the fact that Floyd Mayweather is an abusive piece of trash. This was actually brought to my attention by this post and few others.
I decided to bring this up in my group chat since they were speaking of the fight last night, placing bets, etc. To my amazement, this was a genuine response:
There is a difference between being an abuser with an irrelevant career, and getting your paycheck for literally showcasing abusive behaviour. And no, the former is not a “better” option.
The argument “well other famous people did it” should not exist because it accents the normalisation of abuse more so and highlights the belief that people are allowed to get away with it because they’re “good at what they do” - in this case Mayweather is literally good at hitting! That’s it.
“Well Chris Brown did it but he can sing!”
Is that genuinely an argument? Hm, quick hypothetical:
Imagine some genius accountant somewhere, normal person, no claim to fame… They beat their partner. Difference is they get locked up for domestic abuse. They are punished for their crime. They are shunned, and rightly so. Why? Because justice can only be served to civilians, apparently.
In this case Floyd Mayweather is a boxer. He literally punches for a living… He has no talent that distracts you from the fact that he is abusive. He is good at hitting. Take that in.
Yes you can take that away from him! Being an abusive asshole takes every bit of credibility away from anyone! It shouldn’t matter what talents you have, if you are a wife beating piece of shit - no amount of “talent” can save you.
Mayweather’s case is highlighted more so because he is literally praised for hitting. His career is defined by him beating people. Admiring his wins is vile when you think that the same brute strength has been used on his wife.
Personally I wouldn’t bet on an abuser. I wouldn’t purchase an abusers music. I would not support an abuser in any way shape or form.
So what?! Honestly this is the perfect example of defending abuse. His “talent” is irrelevant because his credibility has been lost. It was lost the second he laid hands on his wife. More so when his career is the glorification of abuse!
He won? Doesn’t matter. Stats? So what… All of his “wins” are undeserved and his victories tainted when he’s just a monster being a monster for his profession. I am aware that boxing is a respected and disciplined profession, but not when you are practising on your wife.
Abusing outside of the ring and going into the ring to beat is equivalent to a professional of any field entering an amateur contest. To him and him personally, it is just more abuse. To every other respectable boxer it is an honourable sport, please do not confuse what I am saying here. One person does not define an entire sport.
No. Acknowledge that he has no talent when what he does in the ring is what he does outside of the ring! He is an abuser. No amount of “talent” can save him. His credibility is lost. The fact that he is further defended by the same point accents the normalisation of abuse among those with a “respectable career” or fame of any form.
It is disgusting. It’s the fact that his career is being used to cover him when his career is literally beating… It’s just bewildering! Can people not see that? Stats only matter when you are not a criminal. Stats only matter when you are not wife beating scum.
You know what I find really sad? The abused kids would be the best parents because they would know what not to do, but they’re the ones that are too scared to have kids because they don’t want to accidentally screw up and make their child feel the same way they did. (Either that or they don’t live long enough to have kids.)
So we’re just left with generation upon generation of children being mistreated by their parents, without anyone even realizing.
• “I’ll kill myself and make sure everyone knows it’s because of you”
• “who are you talking to? you never give me your full attention. everyone else you talk to is bad for you.”
• “you’re mine and no one else’s.”
• “I can deal with your psychotic outbursts but not when they’re aimed at
me. you’re insane and need help.”
• “who are you? I’ve never met you before.”
• “I had sex last week.”
• “look at my nudes”
• “all you’re doing is making me angry today. go away.”
• “you hate me and you want me to die! I will, just to make you happy”
• “I’m gonna cut myself because you threatened to leave me”
• “I’m not pretending not to know you. I seriously don’t know you.”
• “your misunderstandings have nothing to do with autism. you’re a fucking child.”
• “stop throwing a temper tantrum you stupid bitch”
• “you made up with him? you’re
so fucking pathetic.”
• “nobody cares about you like I do. not your best friend, not your parents.”
• “I hate you.”
• “I didn’t mean it”
• “I love you.”
• “Fuck you.”
• “You don’t care if I die.”
• “You deserve to suffer and live with my
blood on your hands”
specific things that have been said to me during an abusive relationship. Hear anything like this? Leave. Don’t offer an explanation. Leave.
So my dad has taken away all of my masculine/male clothing. Everything. My shirts, pants, binders, even my underwear. I’m literally back to where I was a year and a half ago. Life is getting harder again and I’m continuing to get triggered daily. My dysphoria is bad and I’m pissed that I’m stuck where I am. If anyone wants to donate clothing of any kind, or even small things like male deodorant/body wash/cologne, it would be much appreciated. Unfortunately, I can’t pay for anything, my parents aren’t giving me access to my money right now (yes, it’s illegal, but I can’t do anything about that right now).
For those who don’t know my living situation, my parents are extremely homophobic and transphobic. Since coming out to them as pansexual and trans male, they have gotten abusive verbally, emotionally, and mentally. They have cut off my access to money and have taken away personal items after going into my room while I was gone at school. I can’t move out and I’m stuck at a college that my dad works at, so I’m around him all the time. I’m hoping to move out in a year to live with my girlfriend (who is incredibly amazing), but for now I’m stuck at home where my parents intentionally trigger my dysphoria and depression. The clothing I had before my parents took it away was the only thing that was keeping me semi-okay. I knew that I could be myself even in the harmful situation I have been in. So now that I don’t even have the basic clothing one needs that I am comfortable wearing, I’m falling into depression. So if you are able to donate anything, please message me! And if you’re not able to, please pass this on so others can see this.
Words I wish I had the courage to say:I am sick of your abuse all the fucking time. You yell at me over nothing or when you're mad at someone else, and then you try to justify it rather than apologising. You never let me talk about things I am passionate for. You're allowed to aim rude "sarcastic" comments at me, but heaven for bid I do the same to you. You tell me to "get over" my anxiety, you make fun of me for things I constantly tell you to stop talking about because I want to forget them. You tell super embarrassing moments to your friends and my friends, and you insist I make friends when you don't even have friends of your own. You threaten to kick me out of the house or put me in foster care, you call me names, and no matter how much I tell you I don't like it, you don't stop or apologise or take back what you said. Yes, I'm mean to you. I am so fucking tired of your abuse, but I can't leave because you raised me to be completely dependent on you so you're not lonely.
I’ve just lost a lot of faith in his community. Jackie/Faust abused people for at least 5 months (I have no idea how long he did it, but I’ve been dealing with him since jan). I’m so angry about how everyone reacted. But he had a lot of friends, was a pal of late, he was friends with a lot of tucute bloggers. I didn’t stand a chance.
Jack can get away with murder but translesanimefeels is getting labeled an abuser by everyone. One call out post and one careless angry mistake is ruining her. Make no mistake, the “trans women are predatory rapists” idea is in full force. On the other hand, jack actually threatened to rape people for months and no one paid attention.
Dont just take claims of someone being abusive or a pedophille and believe it. Investigate what happened. Because often times abusers make call out posts about their victims and quickly make sure others believe it. That’s what happened to me a few months ago and now its happening to her.
With states legalizing marijuana by popular vote, some politicians, including Boston mayor Marty Walsh and New Jersey governor Chris Christie, are still calling marijuana a gateway drug. The gateway theory argues that because heroin, cocaine and methamphetamine users often used marijuana before graduating to harder drugs, it must be a “gateway” to harder drug use. The theory implies that there is a causal mechanism that biologically sensitizes drug users, making them more willing to try—and more desirous of—harder drugs.
@ all my other abuse victims: every abuser calls the victim the abuser out of disgust for themselves as a way to manipulate the situation and make the people around you believe they are the victim instead of the abuser. you know who you are. your abuse is real, it’s valid, and it will continue to get better.