a-clarinet

Accurate Descriptions of Instruments
  • <p><b>Piccolos:</b> no.<p/><b>Flutes:</b> what you are y'all like some of y'all are really weird and some of you guys are walking goddesses<p/><b>Oboes:</b> duck sounds, and tuning issues. also chill out ur not oboe god<p/><b>Clarinets:</b> SHADY AS HELL????? AT EACHOTHERS THROATS LIKE 24/7<p/><b>Saxophones:</b> You guys are really full of yourselves or emo.<p/><b>Tenor saxophones:</b> Weird. Wierdos.<p/><b>Bari Saxophones:</b> Even weirder than the tenors believe it or not<p/><b>Bassoons:</b> Either lil shits or angels blessed from the high heavens no in between<p/><b>Bass Clarinets:</b> Emo nerds. That's it.<p/><b>Trumpets:</b> The big ego thing is not a lie, you either know it or you are in denial.<p/><b>French Horns:</b> toot toot. hon hon hon baguette.<p/><b>Trombones:</b> A giant cult. Laughs at fart jokes, god complex.<p/><b>Euphoniums:</b> Y'all are fucking weird as hell.<p/><b>Tubas:</b> big toot<p/><b>Percussion:</b> sex jokes and rim shots<p/></p>
When You Criticize The Instruments
  • flutes:*nod stoically and then go alternately cry from embarrassment and plot revenge the the bathroom*
  • clarinets:it's my reed
  • saxes:*don't realize the director is talking to them; continue conversation about nothing to do with band*
  • trumpets:yoU WANNA GO BITCH IM THE BEST
  • horns:i play like five measures in this whole piece the fuck do you want from me
  • trombones:haha I know man *fistbump each other*
  • tubas:excuse you we are the foundation of this band so we are never wrong
  • percussionists:*mutter mutiny under their breath and don't fix it because they weren't doing it wrong in the first place*
the members of an orchestra
  • violins I:we're the superstars fuck everyone else its all about us
  • violins II:why do we always get the boring parts
  • flutes:we're so lonely
  • piccolo:lol fk your ears
  • french horns:and im not even french hONHONHON BAGUETTE
  • oboes:IM SORRY I TUNED BEFORE I SWEar
  • violas:evERYONE ALWAYS FKUCING FRORGETS ABOUT US
  • trumpets:wats 'p'
  • trombones:wats quiet
  • cellos:im either boring af or exciting af and there is no in between
  • bassoons:im so posh but i really just honk like a truck
  • clarinet:*squeaks*
  • timpani:EVERYONE LOVES ME BOM BOM BOM BOM BOM BOM BOM
  • bass clarinet:lol where am i
  • tuba:*waits for a wagner piece to do something exciting*
  • harp:im just a more sophisticated piano
  • piano:FUCK YOU HARP I GET CONCERTOS WRITTEN FOR ME SCREW EVERYTHING WHO NEEDS AN ORCHESTRA WHEN YOU CAN PLAY EVERYTHING ON ME IM THE STAR OF EVERYTIHNG
  • english horn:im literally only useful for dvorak's 9th like what am even i doing here
  • basses:semibreves, tied to a semibreve, tied to a minim, tied to a crotchet, oh wait a quaver wow exciting ok back to semibreves
  • cornets:trumpet wannabe
  • cymbals:BOOM CRASH CRASH CRASH CRASH IM SRO HAPYP CRASH CRAHS
  • xylophones:am i meant to be here?
  • triangles:
  • bass drum:MY TIME TO SHINE FUCK YOU ALL
the instruments and their noises
  • violins I:laaaaa aaaaa la la lal al ALlaaaaLAAAAAAA I'm centre of attention!! laaaAA
  • violins II:the same as violins I just not as LAAaAA
  • flutes:ftroot foooooooooooot ftoot
  • piccolo:*shattering windows*
  • french horns:solo time!! *BWAARRRRRRR RA BWA BWAB bwa bwAAAAA*
  • oboes:nasal infections
  • violas:indistinguishable from cellos and violins unfortunately
  • trumpets:BFWAAAAAAAAAAAA *shattering of ear drums*
  • trombones:a lower, more friendly trumpet
  • cellos:drunk LAAALa lA
  • bassoons:honkedy honkty hhhhhuonkkk
  • clarinet:hnnnnnng *sQUEAK*
  • timpani:brbrbrbrbrb DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN
  • bass clarinet:hhhhuuhhhhnnnh *SQUeak*
  • tuba:the brass equivalent of a timpani
  • harp:*glissandos n slides n angles*
  • english horn:an extremely congested nasal passage trying to sneeze
  • basses:the equivalent of a bass part in a gregorian chant
  • cymbals:CRASH CRAHS DOOSH DASH
  • xylophones:kinda like water dripping from a tap *dink dink dink dink*
  • triangles:*DIIHHHNGG DIIHNG*
  • bass drum:the cannon from the hunger games
  • piano:all of the above