Almost complete~

Newest painting focusing on inner rebellion. Going against the human emotional instinct and opening up to intentionally become vulnerable. I was inspired by the sayings, “living like an open wound” and “wearing your heart on your sleeve”. Most people guard themselves and harden their hearts to not let any emotional or psychological pain affect them, whereas I wanted to depict the act of rebellion of purposefully and intentionally showing all vulnerabilities. I wanted to focus on the neck, as it is a fragile part of the human body. The figure can be seen as washing themselves with a heart, but the ambiguity of not knowing if it is the figure’s heart or someone else’s is up to the viewer.

There’s something special about people who let you see their past, their vulnerabilities, their soul. They’re the ones who have waged wars with themselves and have refused to give up. There’s something incredible about the people who keep fighting.
—  Midnight Thoughts (this could be interesting)

Today, I have another bird that seems to come from Jim Henson’s brain. This one seems to be more from the Creature Shop than the Muppet workshop.

Shoebills get their name from their beaks’ resemblance to certain footwear associated with 19th century Dutch Farmers, and I think the comparison holds up in terms of looks. The comparison breaks down in terms of use: clogs are not typically used for stabbing and crushing small prey items in African wetlands.

I really need to learn how to embed videos from ARKive, because there is an amazing video of a Shoebill hunting Lungfish that really looks like the Lungfish version of Godzilla. Watch it, you won’t be disappointed. 

Image by Pat Flanigan

I Woke up Like This...

I’m tired. 

I’m tired of hearing what others’ believe I should do.

I’m tired of  expressing myself when no one seems to listen.

I’m tired of writing when no one seems to read between the lines.

I’m tired of ranting when people just want to criticize my emotions.

I’m tired of trying to prove myself because my honest words aren’t what you want to hear.

I’m just tired.

Tell me what is so beautiful about my pain. Because I know how to write them so you can understand and feel the pain I express. Is that beauty? Because you are able to feel without being near me, or without having to be within my skin or having to see my face? OR do you feel pity for me? Pity because you hear the hurt that I’m able to write so elegantly. Pain is beautiful? Beautiful?  I pity you to believe my pain is beautiful. If you think it’s so beautiful because I’m absolutely mad trapped in my own head then I give you my pain. Take away my pain if you think it so beautiful that you can’t help but take it all in.

And then once you feel that pain, tell me do you feel beautiful? Do you see what I see? Do you feel what I feel now?

I just feel vulnerable.

Vulnerable that when I speak the words out loud it’s like I feel attacked for speaking them out loud.

So I write. i write to feel vulnerable and then everyone takes it all in like it’s a beautiful piece of art.

But once I say them out loud, without a thought process of putting them into a flowing sentence or without pondering "hmmm how can I make this rhyme, what metaphor or simile can I use next?" then I’m nuts. I simply don’t make sense because i’m just rambling words at the speed of light and its too much to process so its just too much for anyone to take in. And then my word simply don’t make sense, so I must not make sense. Correct? 

So I need to be strong. 

Because if I’m not strong, my energies reflect off others and then no one wants to be around me. So then I must become a loner. What good is that if people simply give up because your feeling down one day. When majority of the others day are happy go lucky personality, but once I hit bottom "ughhh I can’t take you right now, let me know when your positive energies are back." Oh well I’m sorry you can’t take all of me in.

So then I need to apologize.

Apologize for taking out my emotions out on people. So then I need to resort to the screen and then start writing again. Since apparently I can’t express or just simply vent because its as if I attack.

So I guess this site, this screen, this keyboard can only truly feel, hear, read, and see my pain.

#freeyogis day 10: #vulnerable 💜 A variation of kapotasana I saw somewhere. Backbends always make me feel vulnerable because of how weak and inflexible my back is compared to the rest of my body. However, I always feel so amazing after doing a nice back bend ✌️ hosts: @yogawithkarel @bexmaddy @cattylj @namastechante

Hosts: yogawithkarel, bexmaddy, yogarian, healthyhappymotivation, sunny-yogi

This little gem is a Ruby-Tailed Wasp. There seem to be a number of species, but ARKive lists this one as Chrysis pseudobrevitarsis. In a very in-depth Facebook conversation, a friend studying Classical languages confirmed that this can be translated to Golden FakeShortFoot, and that biologists don’t know the difference between Latin and Greek.

All of the Ruby-Tailed Wasps seem to share a similar lifestyle, and that is one of brood parasitism. On other (bigger) wasps. The female will sneak into a wasp nest, and lay her eggs next to the host wasp’s eggs. Her larvae will proceed to eat the host’s larvae, and the circle of life continues.

They do have an absolutely adorable defense mechanism, though: the classic Roly-Poly curl!