April 12, 2009
- Golf is the art of expensive walking.
@hotdogsladies (Merlin Mann) – 55
- They must have put Tabasco in the holy water or something, because MAN does that stuff burn my skin.
@Tony_D (Tony Delgrosso) – 51
- If I were an OBGYN, my catch phrases would be “At your cervix!” and “Not guilty, Your Honor.”
@detweiler (Detweiler, Brian) – 51
- My personal religion on Easter states that I must eat a ridiculous amount of chocolate eggs. It is non-deNOMNOMNOMinational.
@tehawesome (Henry Birdseye) – 51
- We were out of milk, so I poured an energy drink in my coffee. When Jesus shows up, tell him I’m on the ceiling. KARATE FIGHTING SPIDERS!
@Zaius13 (Damn Dirty Ape) – 46
- For those concerned with my safety, I did not text while driving. I safely texted from the rest area where I purchased crack.
@badbanana (Tim Siedell) – 43
- “The Brown Bunny” is the worst Easter movie ever.
@sween (Jason Sweeney) – 42
- Today is like April Fool’s day for Catholics.
@Mike_FTW (Mike Monteiro) – 41
- I’m right at that weird age where I’m too young to really enjoy John Denver and too weak to tear Walgreens to the ground without help.
@hotdogsladies (Merlin Mann) – 40
- Didn’t realise this top showed so much cleavage. But we’re all made in God’s image, right? Which means Jesus loves him some titties too.
@sniffyjenkins (Justine Kilkerr) – 38
- Profoundly funny tweet #1500196815 (?)
@MamitaMojita (Unavailable) – 36
- Sorry, not the first time an American president bowed to a king. 1994. Bill Clinton. Burger King. Look it up.
@badbanana (Tim Siedell) – 36
- Wow. Zapping the PRAM just fixed a problem on my Mac. Also: Ross likes Rachel; America loves Gump; and that Dahmer guy sounds like bad news.
@hotdogsladies (Merlin Mann) – 33
- I’m supposed to tithe 10% of my earnings so I gave 8 twitter stars, 5 tumblr faves & 1 misspelled YouTube comment asking if I’m a lesbian.
@gordonshumway (Jelisa Castrodale) – 33
- I wonder if Tony Stark hits on anemic girls, because that pick up line writes itself.
@baileygenine (Bailey Siewert) – 33
- Profoundly funny tweet #1500895848 (?)
@luckyshirt (Unavailable) – 33
- Being Favrd in real life is… sticky.
@katefeetie (Katie Rose) – 33
- Someday I’ll grow up and stop karate kicking things. But that day is not today, friends.
@Jessabelle2o7 (Jess) – 33
- It is only 6:12 but I’m as tipsy as if it were 6:57.
@CranberryPerson (N/A) – 31
- ROMANCE TIP: The question “should I even bother taking a shower?” is kind of a mood killer.
@CranberryPerson (N/A) – 30