Her mouth laid kisses gently down my dick, sucking lightly just before her lips left my skin. Each kiss felt heated as the anticipation built up for her to finally wrap her lips around me. It had been a few weeks since I’d even touched Aaliyah, save our kiss at the photo shoot. With all of the tension finally gone between us after our argument, and me back in LA, we’d been able to reconnect and get back on good terms.
Very good terms.
Kisses turned into licks, and each wet, warm flame from her mouth caressed my skin as her tongue danced along it. The vein along the side received a moment of special attention and I breathed out through my nose, shocked myself that Aaliyah had this much of a hold on my body… on me. I was hard and heavy, ready for her. Our eyes met before she kissed then licked the underside of the mushroomed head, the pinkness of her lips contrasting against my skin. The underside was my trigger spot and her tongue began to lap around it. Her mouth unexpectedly engulfed the head, and her sunken cheeks aided the sucking as her mouth gripped me.
My head was lifted up by the pillows as I laid down, watching her go to town. Slowly she slid her mouth down my dick, filling it more and more with me. Her eyes went from intensely staring into mine, to rolling closed, as she groaned into my manhood and her ass wiggled in the air. She was turned on immensely, all the signs were there. A little gag made her throat contract around me and I sighed out as she continued. I knew she was wet, soaked even, as she wound her hips in the air and moaned around me even more.
Her hand filled in the left over space as the wetness from her mouth coated me. I groaned as her grip tightened and she twisted a little, the moisture aiding in the sensation and making me harder still.
She climbed up my body, leaving wet kisses on my skin and I looked down at her with a smirk, the sexiness increased immediately and Aaliyah was completely irresistible. Her still damp hair hung over her shoulders and in her face as she continued on her path, stopping at my chest to lick along my ink and kiss my nipple. My dick was hard against her stomach and her pussy was hot and slick on my thigh as she sucked a little, moving to the opposite side to dedicate the same attention. She began kissing and licking my neck, my collar bone, below my ear…
My neck again.
And finally my lips.
Her plan was to leave me with one peck however I had other things in mind as I ground into her folds, her clit against my dick, pressured down by my hand on her ass, pulling her tight into me. She sighed into my mouth and moaned softly as I bit down on her lip while she pulled away.
With a sigh, she sat upright, her lip popping back to place and immediately she enveloped it into her mouth. I felt myself wanting her more and more as she sat back on her haunches, my bare dick between her legs, waiting for my cue. I didn’t hesitate to hand the condom to her, as she opened it, tossed the golden wrapper aside, and began to slowly drag it down over me. Then she adjusted a bit before rising up, taking me in her hand and licking her pillowy lips.
"You tease, baby?"
"You like that, don’t you?" She replied, as she drug my cloaked member along her pussy before placing me right at her entrance. Slowly she began to slide down, moving her hand from wrapped around my dick to my pelvis for balance. I had other ideas though, as I gripped her hips and forced her to take all of me in quickly.
The hiss left her mouth as she sucked in air, and she clenched around me, which made me flex into her, striking a chord. Her mouth released a beautiful note in the form of her light moan. She was always overwhelmed by the thickness at first, which gave me a sense of security. Her reaction let me know had never had it like this, and that I gave her something special. I loved that. She wasn’t out here like other ones I’d had.
The tight grip she had on me was incomparable but once she began to roll her hips, winding and grinding on me, I grunted, pulling her ass downward on me as I attempted to get lost in her. My hands shifted to her thighs as she moaned, and I gripped, feeling the muscles flex under her thickness. While her left arm remained on my pelvis, her right arm raised up and began to pull at her nipples, then drifted to her head where she pulled her hair, and it drove me crazy. I palmed at her and sat up, reaching back to grip her cheeks as we kissed—
A bout of turbulence startled me awake, as my hard dick now began to pulse, still in dreamland missing it’s home between Aaliyah’s thighs. I grunted, adjusting myself before glancing around to see if anyone noticed my indecency. It hadn’t even been a full day yet and already I was dreaming about being with her.
The plane hit another bump and my heart lurched in my chest. Laurent shifted, his slumber only slightly disrupted. I obviously wasn’t so fortunate. I hated airplanes, which was ironic as much as we flew but this shit wasn’t fun. It was the worst. I desperately wanted to go back to sleep and try to relive some of the passion from the other night.
After we got back from the shoot in London, Lau and I dragged Aaliyah out to eat and to the club with us. We obviously weren’t about to have a deep discussion there, and the club was amazing that night. That night we all barely slept, and before I knew it she had to make her flight back to LA. I got to apologize for my attitude though, and she was accepting, however we hadn’t had much of a chance to talk about anything serious. She didn’t leave without a promise to continue though, especially knowing we’d be back in a few days. I was grateful for that, because I wasn’t ready to address anything at that moment. Maybe by then I’d know what to say.
How could I address something with someone else when I’d avoided figuring out on my own?
I wasn’t ever one to not speak my mind, this was obvious. But I didn’t know exactly what to think and I didn’t want to sit and mull it over now. Speechlessness was my only option at the moment. All I knew was that I cared about Aaliyah, deeply. I had so much love for her… But I knew I wasn’t ready for the shit that comes with that.
My stomach dropped at the admission I’d made to myself. I took a sip of the barely cold sprite I had in my bag and laid my head back in my seat. My brother was sound asleep again, probably dreaming about Leslie or dance or something that gave him peace. I was glad, because had he been awake, that turbulence would have had him shook. He was buried in the scarf Aaliyah had given him for our birthday. It was a nice touch. It reminded me that they had a rocky relationship to start, and now we’re all a unit.
It was because of that closeness, past the sexual relationship, that I owed Aaliyah respect. I never should have yelled like that, especially knowing that my frustration had more to do with my own actions than hers.
I also had to apologize about my lack of understanding for the comparisons she made with us and Leslie and Laurent, even though in that moment, she hadn’t been. It made sense to me now. It was my brother, in fact, who’d urged me to speak with her when we got back to LA, as the openness of his and Leslie’s relationship was working perfectly for him. He assured me that Aaliyah wanted honesty more than bullshit. I agreed.
Aaliyah exhaled a huge breath and tossed her head back, and I cringed. Telling her that I cared for her deeply but wasn’t looking to be serious, was something that I’d built up in my head as stressful. However when her face broke into a relieved grin, I was shocked.
"Larry… thank God." She sighed.
"I thought this was going to be hard."
She lightly scrunched her eyebrows in confusion, “Hard? Why?”
"Because… I don’t know." I shrugged. "I’m just used to girls wanting to be serious so fast and that’s not what I want. I’m not used to someone say okay for it and actually be okay."
"Larry we talked about this." She said, sipping her wine as I finished the joint. "The relationship thing is a lot, I don’t expect that from you, and I don’t want you to expect that from me either. That’s just not where we are right now." She paused, taking another sip. I nodded in agreement, thankful was an understatement.
“All I want is respect…and to know that you care like I do” she said quietly, running her fidgeting hands through her hair. “And don’t make me look dumb.” She shrugged, her outspokenness dialing down as she revealed something I knew plagued her.
"That’s all I want too, Ali. I never do that to you. You mean so much to me." I said, grabbing her fingers from her hair and kissing her deeply. I felt her lips raise over mine, smiling as she breathed into me.
And now here I was, on my way back to paris, phone ringing like crazy with options, and a cloudy head with one person at the forefront of it all. Even though we said no relationship shit… It sure felt like I was in one.
I felt guilty. Damn guilty. Because deep down, I knew Aaliyah deserved more than this. Aaliyah was settling, she had to be. She was too good to be involved in my shit… She had to know that much, whether she wanted to admit that or not. Maybe one day I’d want more, and I’d just have to hope that by then, she would still have me. But for now, this was what it was.
My nails clicked up against the desk as I skimmed over the words on my screen. Frustrated as fuck, I deleted the paragraph I’d just finished as I rewrote the words, clinging to the fact that once I got this email off, I’d be done with work officially for about a week before I’d be back on the grind. However I was never really done, as my email and phone would continue to ring and notify me of any updates or issue with regards to my clients and any loose ends Linda needed me to tie. As soon as I’d finished, delegating intern responsibilities and rechecking the schedule of events, I took a sip of the cool water by my side and leaned backward, sighing with relief. No sooner than I’d done that did my screen refresh with an email from Linda.
"Re: Holiday Break Memo
Job well done Aaliyah. We made an excellent decision keeping you on staff, and I can’t wait to continue to watch you progress with us. Have a wonderful Christmas, see you in Chicago.
I smiled, my cheeks warming from the accolades given to me by my boss and mentor. Linda had really taught me a lot these past few months, with regards to business. I’d taken on more clients and become much more hands on working with her. Her trust in me made me feel amazing. Laurent and Larry never hesitated to let her know how highly they thought of my work ethic when I was around, and even more so when I wasn’t, so I was told. For a moment I’d believed it was due to Larry and I and our intimacy… However I’d learned over time that they really appreciated how hard I worked and my professionalism. The closeness was just a cherry on top.
I buried my face into the collar of my sweatshirt as I closed my computer screen, which allowed me to see my reflection in the mirror on my desk. My grin stretched wider as I glanced down at the grey sweatshirt I wore, Mickey Mouse hands making a gun motion. This sweater was a gift from Lau, for my birthday. Larry’s was a bunch of candles that he’d been collecting over time from different places, each one smelling more delicious than the next, and a pair of retro 11’s. He’d also gotten me a small golden bracelet with a skull, which made me laugh as I’d sworn I would steal one of his skull rings.
I’d gotten Lau this dope grey hooded scarf and a pair of wheat timberlands, as he’d often lusted over mine. Larry received a pair of black ones, a new crew neck sweatshirt, and a nice black sweater, with no emblems, no BBP markings, nothing. That was something special… and petty that I’d added in the mix after I’d tried to get him to dress up a little bit for an event after the AMA’s and wasn’t successful. He shockingly liked it, and sent me a picture of him in it a few nights later. His face was screwed up, dramatically displeasured. But I knew the fact that it was on his body meant it was something he liked.
He rarely if ever did anything he didn’t like.
I shook my head at the thought, smirking and forced myself to get up and finish packing before it was time to head out to the airport and get back to Chicago. The tiny skull, which served as the clasp, was cold and heavy against my skin and as Larry had decided to put on my sweater one day, his cologne still lingered on me, making me miss him, even though I’d just taken the twins to the airport last night.
The sound of my suitcase zipper broke through the silence of the room, as my mind paused and acknowledged it. It was then that I heard the vibration of my phone signal a text.
"I’m here, you need help?"
Before I could reply back that I didn’t, a knock resounded at my door. I grabbed my suitcase after I threw on my jacket and grabbed a scarf, expecting to be freezing on this flight and knowing that Leslie would forget something to keep her warm as well. I stuffed my still warm laptop into its case and then into my bag as I hopped to the door, my sneakers making the waxed floor squeak a little. I opened the door with a smile. “I tried to tell you I didn’t need help.”
"I know. But I figured you’d packed a lot and you took too long to reply."
I rolled my eyes and opened the door wider, allowing Jamal to enter into the space. His arm draped loosely around my shoulders, and I buried my face into his chest, wrapping around his waist. His other hand made its way into my hair, scratching a little as I laughed, pushing him off and reaching for my suitcase.
His hand snatched it away before I could begin to pull. “Really? Stop. Focus on getting locked up and grabbing the rest of your stuff.” He poked at my side, making me squirm as I laughed.
A few days after I’d come back from New York, I ran into Jamal. Leslie and I were having lunch, and he walked in, looking amazing as always with a couple of his friends. On sight he came over to us, jokingly chiding me about not contacting him upon my arrival. A quick conversation and late lunch turned into drinks and happy hour, and it was then that he and I finally made concrete plans to hang out.
Jamal was a great person to hang out with. He was hilarious, always cracking jokes, and his personality meshed well with mine. He was also older, and wise behind all that bravado and the sexuality that he loved to let show through. These were all things I’d learned more and more spending time with him these past few weeks. Our conversations increased, and he’d even come over a few times when I was home alone. He never crossed the line, never made me feel uncomfortable. The flirting still remained, but that was okay. It was harmless.
So when he heard me mentioning I needed to get my truck serviced and was going to take a cab to the airport, he quickly offered to drive us both. Leslie, however, opted to ride with Thomas, as they’d been spending a lot of time together, and he’d be borrowing her car while she was gone. Oddly enough, Lau knew that they’d been hanging out and had even gotten to meet Thomas. Neither was the happiest about it but somehow they made it work, which was something Leslie couldn’t even explain. I asked Laurent what he thought and he shrugged. “It is what it is.”
Leslie’s response? “If I knew, I’d have explained it to you.”
"Damn, I thought you were only going to be gone for like a week, girl?" Jamal muttered, grabbing my heavy bag and wheeling it to the elevator. I caught his words mid yawn, so I punched him with my free hand and rolled my eyes as we walked over to his car and tossed my bags in the back seat.
The ride was calm and casual. It was midday, meaning that traffic was only slightly bad as opposed to completely miserable and for that I was grateful. We chatted about christmas plans, and I grilled him for being so late with getting his mom a gift.
"She’s going to murder you on christmas." I laughed. So did he, before stopping and mugging me.
"Please, murder her favorite child? Yeah right" he joked.
"If you’re her favorite, then why are y’all spending christmas with you brother in New York instead of with you in LA?" I said, smirking and crossing my arms over my chest matter-of-factly. Jamal removed one hand and waved it in my direction, dismissing my claims and I laughed loudly at his lack of a response, which prompted him to reach over and tickle my side. My yells to him to focus on the road were unheard. Once my dramatics finally died down, he chuckled lightly and glanced my way, shaking his head.
"You know… i’m thinking about moving to New York." He said, glancing once more to gauge my reaction. His hand, which had been causally resting on my thigh after his attack, was now tapping to the beat of the music. That had been the only reason I even noticed its presence.
"Really? For what?"
"Just to go. I like it better out there." He sighed. I recognized that sigh. That was the impatient sigh. The ‘It’s time to get out of here’ sigh. The ‘I love New York’ sigh.
"My brother is out there, and its a hell of a lot closer to my parents, and my grandparents too. There’s a dope studio out there that I want to work with, and I saw some apartments in Harlem too -"
"Oh so you have this whole thing planned?" I said, raising my eyebrows. He shrugged shyly.
"I don’t know. Its just a thought really. I’ve been considering and I think I’m going to do it in a few months." He paused, focusing on our surroundings. "Which gate are you at?" He noted, as we pulled up closer to the airport.
"United…" I drifted off. After a moment, I stared at him and shook my head, watching the squint in his eyes and the way the stubble on his cheeks poked through. "Wow."
"I’m really happy for you Jammy." He rolled his eyes and smiled a little.
“I’m serious. I love New York. If you love it and you find shit out there for you, do it.”
His smile got bigger and he squeezed my thigh a bit. “I appreciate it. I’ll miss you a lot though if I do. So you have to come visit.” He added, getting out of the car and grabbing my bags.
Truly I had known Jamal pretty much since I’d been in LA. Although recently was the most we’d ever spent time alone, he and I had a good relationship going on, and his qualities were very redeeming. That being said, I would most definitely miss his presence in my world if he left town.
"Alright my girl, have a safe flight" Jamal said, handing off my bag. I lifted my arms up for a hug and he grabbed me, hugging me tight and giving me another whiff of his cologne. I looked up and his eyes were on me. Before I knew it he was leaning in, and his pursed lips met the corner of my mouth as my phone rang, diverting my attention. Jamal pulled back immediately, as did I. I didn’t want to jump to conclusions, but I’m pretty damn sure those lips intended to land on my own.
My hand reached up to his muscular shoulder and squeezed, before turning and making my way to the door. I glanced back once more to see him watching me leave. “Thanks for the ride Jammy Boy!” I yelled, and entered into the doors of my check in area.
Usually I found comfort on plane rides. It was odd, I was in this large hunk of metal and I could die at any moment, stuck closed in with a bunch of people I didn’t even know. However I often got good rest, and if not, I got a peaceful environment to get work done, or just zone out and look at the clouds and bodies of water. The calm was perfect. However this plane ride, similarly to the one to London, was far from calm, as my mind ran trying to figure out if what I thought just happened with Jamal… actually did.
"You know" Leslie muttered by my side, her head on my shoulder allowing her soft voice to penetrate past my earbuds, "When you move and stress, I can’t get any sleep either."
I sighed out a laugh, and shook my head. “I was being still. I barely moved.”
"Yeah but your thoughts were doing enough of that to last a lifetime." She responded, shifting in her seat so that her body turned toward me.
"I think Jamal tried to kiss me." I jumped to the point. There was no use beating around the bush, especially with Les.
The drowsiness on Leslie’s face washed away immediately. In fact, I stopped her mid yawn. “Uh oh.”
"Yeah… Uh oh is right" I sighed, running my fingers over the ends of a section of my curls. "He leaned in when I hugged him goodbye."
"So… I’m confused." I mumbled. Immediately, Leslie removed my hands from their fidgety places, and directed me to focus on the moment, instead of trying to run, distract, avoid. Her stare encouraged me to continue.
"I know Jamal and I have this flirtatious thing going on, but I honestly never thought anything of it, especially now. He had his chance to make a move when I first got here and he didn’t." My crush on Jamal when I first met him was embarrassing. He used to flirt, sure, same as always, but he never made a move. My feelings died down, and his actions never did, so I just dropped it. I brushed it off assuming that was just the kind of guy he was.
"But now, now that we’re actually really forming a bond he maybe springs a kiss on me? I just wasn’t expecting it because I hadn’t been thinking of things between us in that way." Leslie side eyed me, remembering my former feelings and I rolled my eyes, knowing exactly where she was going.
"I’m serious, Leslie."
"I’m fucking with you. I’m sorry" she said in a baby voice, and I kissed my teeth prepared to go back to sorting out my own thoughts. "Finish, Ali."
"I just don’t understand why now? Why when he knows…" I stopped before Larry’s name could leave my mouth. Larry would be pissed beyond a shadow of a doubt if he knew Jamal and I had been spending time together, let alone that he made a move. "Why now, when I’m not particularly interested? I don’t want to lead him on to think anything… But I don’t want to jump to conclusions either, I mean… What if he wasn’t going to kiss me at all, and it was a slip up?" I sighed, shaking my head and rolling my neck to relive some of the tension. A crack sounded that made me sigh in pleasure and Leslie cringe by my side.
"Aaliyah. How many times do I have to tell you to just relax."
"I am relaxed." I said sarcastically and she rolled her eyes at me.
"You don’t know what is going on. Just give it time, figure out what’s going on." She said simply. When your life fell into place like Leslie’s, I guess that advice works. "I don’t want to hurt him, I’m just," I needed to find the right words to explain how I felt in this moment.
”I’m emotionally unavailable right now.” I said confidently.
"I am! I swear."
"Not for Larry you aren’t."
the reality hit me then. For Larry, I felt all of the emotions in the world. Maybe I was emotionally… Spent? “Be honest… Does your relationship with Larry affect how you feel about Jamal? You and Larry aren’t together, but do you care enough about him to put aside someone else you used to care for?”
"This isn’t about Larry." It wasn’t.
"Hey, I’m just asking questions. Since you want to worry, let me help you untangle the knots." Leslie shrugged, replacing her earphones.