did you really quit weed?
ok here’s the deal. i didn’t “quit.”
I’d smoked nearly every day (never went as much as a week without it) for almost 3 years. For about the first year and a half of those 3 years, it was nothing but a benefit to me. It helped me loosen up, be more socially adept.. even got me to do my homework and stuff. Miracle drug.
It never became anything bad really, but over the last year and a half or so I’ve started to realize some negative side effects, mostly worse-than-ever attention span, terrible short term memory, and just making stupid mistakes around the house and that kind of thing.
I figured, given that I’m on an internship/job hunt and going through the obligatory existential crisis of becoming an adult, it would be a good thing for me to prove to myself I don’t need it.
A year and a half after realizing it was having some negative effects, I was finally in a good enough emotional state where I felt like I could handle the transition. I get really bad seasonal depression in the late fall and winter so it wasn’t going to happen then.. and I also got the benefit of starting a new ADHD/anti-depressant drug at the beginning of March to give me the confidence that I wouldn’t unravel transitioning off of it.
Basically I just made the decision that I wouldn’t buy any more pot or smoke by myself until my birthday (May 18). From the beginning, I decided that I still would smoke if someone else offered to smoke me up or if it was some sort of social occasion because I don’t really drink… and I didn’t think it was smart to simply start drinking because I wasn’t smoking anymore.
Long story short, I stopped smoking cold turkey a little more than two weeks ago…. and it was beyond easy. I can’t even begin to explain how big of a relief it was.. but seriously, no strong urges, no feeling of a dependency when I’m feeling stressed (and let me fucking tell you, it’s been a hell of a two weeks in my life coincidentally since then too).. nothing.
So now, I’m just following through because I told myself I would. I want to prove to myself that I can hold myself to a decision. I’ve been able to get the affirmation that I’m not actually dependent on it, that if I ever needed to quit for a job or whatever that I wouldn’t have any withdrawal or anything like that, and basically everything I’ve wanted to assure myself of. I smoked once with a friend last Saturday a little bit, which means once in about 16 days. (which I’m very proud of because, like I said, it had been an everyday thing for a long time, and smoking once didn’t send me off the rails to want to do more at any point since last Saturday. It’s been 9 days now. 15 out of 16 with ZERO issues.)
At one point I was thinking about doing what I can to zero out the THC in my system because I hadn’t been at 0% THC since probably 2011. But I’m not so sure that’s necessary at this point, especially since I know I’ll be smoking when I go home to NJ this coming weekend and there wouldn’t be really enough time to completely zero out before my birthday.
And yeah, that’s basically the whole story. I fully plan on smoking again more regularly once the summer starts because I enjoy it and I can. I’m pretty confident it won’t be nearly at the rate I was before I quit because I’m more in-tune with the benefits of not smoking for longer periods of time, and I’ve gotten rid of all anxieties over potentially being dependent.
Ultimately it will probably just boil down to a tolerance break, which will be v v v v v v nice once I go nuts for the first time in a month and a half or so when my birthday rolls around next month.
I hope everyone is enjoying 420 today. It would be lovely to be able to smoke… but the fact of the matter is I don’t need it, and I’m following through with a commitment to myself that I can prove that I don’t have to smoke with any sort of consistency really at all for 6 weeks.
I love pot, I love getting stoned (particularly with friends, but also alone) and I’m very excited to start back up again in a few weeks. But in the meantime, I couldn’t be more okay with not doing it – which is fucking awesome.