LITERALLY-CANNOT-HANDLE

Luke Song Preference: “Clean” by Taylor Swift

Author: Rhine

-

The drought was the very worst
When the flowers we’d grown together died of thirst

And you thought, you thought you’d be able to salvage something.

You had such high hopes for you and him, you had so much faith that what you had for Luke would only grow, that it would be something as beautiful as the idea of infinite.

But you learned, you learned that there were peaks and there were downfalls and a relationship couldn’t grow without love and patience and care and emotion – and most of all, you learned that all those things waned as you grew apart instead of together.

And when there’s nothing left – when there’s nothing left but a crumbling relationship so desperately thriving on half-hearted attempts of fixture and ghosts of love – you learned that there’s no point in prolonging the inevitable goodbye, in holding onto something that was already long withered.

You couldn’t flourish like you had hoped, you couldn’t love like you believed.

And because of that – because of the hollow emptiness, because of the lonely nights – what you had with Luke died.

And you knew then that infinite was just a pretty word for dreamers who couldn’t grasp the concept of goodbye.

-

You’re still all over me like a wine-stained dress I can’t wear anymore
Hung my head, as I lost the war, and the sky turned black like a perfect storm

He’s everywhere.

Pieces of him – memories of him littered in your life like stubborn leaves that refused to fall as you tried to shed yourself away from the us you once were.

Memories and smells and scents and words and everything is connected to him again.

It’s the way the winter chill reminds of you the time he slipped on the ice and dragged you down with him; the way the smell of burnt toast is connected to the memory of his early-morning failed surprises. It’s the way you hear a song you know he’d like, only to remember he’s not in your life.

The memory of Luke hangs over you like a cloud with beautiful blue eyes and a dimpled smile that you wish would leave you alone.

(yet a part of you still wishes he never left)

And it’s a reminder of everything you once had, of everything you’ll never get.

The future you once spoke about in the dead of the night, of plans in the lines of one day and we will; the silent hopes and the spoken dreams that were interwoven with him like your limbs after a long day.

But while you have to leave it all behind , it doesn’t mean you still don’t look back every now and then; that it lingers with the memory of him that refuses to leave.

And you tried but it wasn’t enough and maybe you weren’t enough and maybe he wasn’t enough, too.

You lost him just as he lost you, and losing always came with a price to pay.

And it was having him leave your side yet never leaving your mind.

-

Let the flood carry away all my pictures of you
The water filled my lungs, I screamed so loud but no one heard a thing

It was losing everything and having everything come rushing back to you at once.

It was everything you could’ve have leaking out of you with the lost future and everything you once had crashing back at you with the past flowing in your veins.

And you wanted the flood of turmoil and hurt and loss inside of you to wash away all that was left of Luke, but you ended up drowning in it instead.

Always drowning in him, even if he wasn’t there.

And it was a different type of loss, of hurt – because you lost Luke but everyone always saw you as you and Luke as Luke but you and him, dear god, you were always together in your eyes.

It was a wound that no one could see, it was a cry that no one could understand.

Just him – just Luke, only he would know the crippling loss, who would understand the resounding feeling of hurt that echoed in his body and the unfallen tears and the unspoken words that couldn’t describe what you wanted to say.

Of course he knew.

He felt it too.

-

Rain came pouring down when I was drowning
That’s when I could finally breathe
And in that morning, gone was any trace of you
I think I am finally clean

It took time.

It took days and months and it took sleepless nights and hollow days and it took drowning and falling and crumbling to forget him.

But no, you never really forgot about him.

He’ll always be there in the back of your mind, in the shadows of your days, in the small space in your heart.

He’ll always be with you and he’s never coming back and it took all this time for you to wake up and realize that while you’ll never forget him, while you’ll never have him, you’ll always have what you had with him.

You’ll have the lingering memories of his kiss and the fading picture of his crystalline eyes and you’ll have the whispers of his touch and the ghost of his words.

And you’ll have the moments where you were his and he was yours and you’ll have those dreams of forever and you’ll turn the tears of heartbreak into the half-lipped smiles of nostalgic times.

It was less of focusing of what was gone and what you lost and more of treasuring what you managed to salvage through the storms and the floods and the droughts.

They were small, broken, fragmented pieces but they were yours and you’re certain Luke has his pieces too.

And instead of looking at those jagged shards of a relationship and hurting yourself on the broken edges, you would see the windows of a better time that you’d cherish with gentle hands.

It was gone and he was gone and the memories that once engulfed you became the currents that floated you back up again.

You’d pack it up for a quiet day, for an afternoon where you could spare the hours to the blue-eyed, shyly sweet boy that used to take up your entire day. You’ll save it for the times when you wanted to remember the details of the story; of his fumbling fingers and upturned collars and jumbled words.

And all the rain and floods and oceans of memories drowning you – they became what washed you clean.

-

Ten months sober, I must admit
Just because you’re clean don’t mean you don’t miss it

He wasn’t there anymore and you’ve learned to uproot yourself from him; to cast away the hurt from the loss and to turn memories into buoys instead of anchors.

And he’s gone and you’re swimming instead of drowning and you’ve floated for ten months without Luke Hemmings to carry you to shore.

You’ve learned to move on without him, but you think – you know

His arms around you and the taste of metal looping his lips; the cool touch of his fingers and his burning gaze –

If he asked you, if he told you that he’d be willing to give it all back to you, that he’d be happy to give him back to you again –

You’d drown in him all over again in a heartbeat.

-

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http://www.youtube.com/watch?annotation_id=annotation_401726&feature=iv&src_vid=Dz6w9oCQl90&v=-90DEowud5A
  • Bruce:C'mon guys, a little respect for the black widow.
  • Natasha:Finally! For once...
  • Bruce:No, not you! Her-- *cuts to black woman crying over dead husband's grave*

palmariium asked:

ok so like i love u both?? cerina is so great and she inspires me a lot actually to not let anyone make me feel like shit about how i look anymore and shes just so awesome!! shes rafis big sister and like one of the coolest rp comm figures you make her so realistic like i just wanna be cerina when i grow up ;u ;

vine

Literal perfection that I cannot handle

Emma’s Sacrifice

I can talk about this sacrifice all day long. I mean seriously, it was the most beautiful moment for so many reasons.

I know we’ve all talked about how Emma sacrificed herself for Regina because Regina’s “worked too hard for her happy ending” and to redeem herself from darkness, but can we also talk about the fact that Emma probably thought there was a real possibility that Regina might die?

I mean I think she thought Regina might become the Dark One, but she’d also seen the darkness just KILL the apprentice and leave him for dead. She’d JUST seen how powerful the darkness was, but still she’d rather risk her life than to see Regina dead.

I literally cannot handle this.

While this was a beautiful Swan Queen moment, it can’t be overlooked how beautiful a moment it was for The Charmings. Emma literally looked to them and said “you’ve found a way to take the darkness out of me before. Do it again.” Emma’s is finally having faith! The one who took a WHOLE season to finally believe after seeing example upon example of magic. The same woman who even in season 3 still felt more like a lost girl and an orphan than a Savior. And she specifically has faith in her parents!! The same parents that she spent the last few episodes being angry at for EXACTLY the same thing she wants them to do now-taking the darkness out of her. Emma believes that her parents fully love her and want her and will do everything that they can to save her.

So while I’m sure Henry, Regina and even Hook will play significant roles in saving Emma. I think The Charmings will step up in a BIG way.

And honestly, that’s perfect because Emma sacrificed her life for Regina without expecting ANYTHING in return. She didn’t look at Regina and tell her to find a way to save her. She wanted nothing in return- a truly selfless act. That’s true love.

Emma didn’t even entrust Hook with this task. (Because honestly in their relationship, Hook depends on Emma a lot. She doesn’t really trust him with much.) She specifically gave it to her parents. Her parents will redeem themselves in her eyes and prove themselves to her.

And sure it was a romantic and dramatic moment when Emma told Hook she loved him, but honestly Emma knows that Hook considers her to be his happy ending and he begged her not to do it, but she did it anyway. At the end of the day, Hook alone is not enough.

Also I don’t see many people talking about how heartbroken Regina is going to be at the start of next season. Lana has said that Regina “feels responsible for Emma” and look at the conviction on her face here:

But it happened anyway. Poor Regina :(

Okay, everybody needs to take a look at this comission of Adelaide I got from xfrieschutz and FLIP OUT. BECAUSE OH MY GOD I’M STILL YELLING??? IT’S JUST SO GOOD AND BEAUTIFUL. I’m dead, I literally cannot handle it. You should definitely got get a commision when they open cause I mean Just! Look!! I’m still flipping out about it.