“A couple years ago, I vowed to myself never to date a dude with a beard. Not because beards are dirtier than poop, that study was not a thing yet. Although I did manage to come across a rather foul smelling one in the early days of the beard resurgence.
No, I had other reasons. Political reasons.
You know why? Because right at the point when beards were becoming ubiquitous was also when Vajazzling was starting to be a thing. REALLY? I thought to myself. Men get to skip their ONE grooming thing, and I am supposed to have a rhinestone encrusted vulva? I THINK NOT.
[…] It is expensive as hell to be a woman. It also involves a lot of effort, and it seems like every goddamned trend they come up with for us involves spending more money and putting in more effort. Then, the second you think you’re doing OK for a minute is the moment they tell you to encrust your vulva with rhinestones. It never ends.
[…] Sure! There are occasional trends now that make things easier on women – leggings, yoga pants, blousy dresses, maxi dresses, ponchos – but said trends are always met with indignant fury from both men and women for either failing to produce boners or succeeding all too much.
But those are few and far between. There’s more vajazzling, more waxing, more tops and dresses no one can conceivably wear a bra with, more botox, more Spanx, more asshole bleaching, more figuring out what the hell contouring is even supposed to be, more diets, more keratin treatments, more facials, more bikini bodies, more flawless post-baby bodies, more pregnancy abs, more cleanses, more cosmetic foot surgery for the purpose of looking better in heels, more eyelash extensions, more eyelash dying, more lip plumping devices, more vaginal steaming … not to mention “waist training.”
Yeah. Thanks 2015! Women get “waist training” – where we are supposed to mess with the placement of our internal organs in the quest for a tinier waist – and dudes? DUDES GET DADBODS.
Now, let me just say, the thing they are calling “Dadbod” is kind of my actual preferred type. I’m into it! But let me also say that it’s just frustrating to see men get high fives for Dadbods in the midst of the requisite 15,000 pre-summer articles about whether or not a woman has managed to achieve a “bikini bod” or not. I mean, really. Fuck you! And if you have a Dadbod and a beard, I do not believe you should get to make any ridiculous demands on women. That should be the rule.”