I-just-needed-somewhere-to-vent

So apparently the award ceremony at my old school was tonight. I won the Moving Images award for having the highest grade in my year, but I chose not to go because after seven years of being bullied by students AND staff, I’d rather never set foot in that school again.

Apparently, when they called out my name, they had a photo of me on the projector with a stupid smile on my face. A close friend of mine said that nobody laughed, but I just know people probably were laughing at me and making fun of me behind my back. I didn’t ask for an award. I didn’t ask for them to use a photo of my face for the whole year group to see. I didn’t want them to spotlight me like that. And I know they probably called out my name and were like, “Wow, what is he too good to be here?” when I just don’t want to go back there and see everyone who made my life miserable and put me through four years of therapy.

But people were like, “But there was food and the mayor of the city was there.” I don’t care if Stan fucking Lee was there. I just didn’t want to go, especially so close to Christmas. Here’s hoping they send the medal out in the post or something because yeah, it would be nice to have some tangible representation of the hard work and dedication I put into my writing, but if it doesn’t come, there’s no way I’m going up to the school to get it. It can sit in a cardboard box in the office for all I care, I still wouldn’t be motivated to set foot there ever again.

"WHAT THE BLOODY HELL IS THIS?"

Emma jumped from where she was stirring eggs in the pan on the stove, nearly splattering it over herself in the process.

"Killian, what’s the matter?" she sighed, turning to where he was sat on one of the stools at the breakfast bar, furiously pressing buttons on the screen of his phone. 

"My bloody tumblr is all screwed up. How am I supposed to use this godforsaken thing now?"

Emma bit back a laugh as she watched his adorably scrunched up face surveying the phone in his hand. She turned the heat off the stove and wandered to where he was sat, craning her neck over his shoulder. 

"It’s just an update, Killian. A new layout," she said with a roll of her eyes. 

“‘Just an update’ my arse,” he muttered, frowning at the screen. “Who in their right mind would do something like this?”

"Who in their right mind would do what?" Henry entered the kitchen in his pajamas, hair mussed up as he stifled a yawn.

"Ignore him," Emma told him, plating up the eggs. "He’s just freaking out because they changed the tumblr layout". 

Henry’s eyes immediately widened, his mouth falling open.

"THEY DID WHAT?"

Emma watched as Henry ran back into his room, fumbling around for his phone. She felt Killian’s gaze on her face and turned to him.

"See, love. Your lad gets it". 

i always feel ridiculously untalented compared to people i see on the internet and even just at uni and people always say “oh don’t compare yourself to others you’re still learning” and yeah that’s all great and stuff but i’m never going to be able to get a job if everyone’s constantly like 5 steps ahead of me ugh

ok so i have worked where i work since April 2013 and I was only 14. At Christmas my best friends mum is a nurse and was working Christmas so I asked if she could get a shift for Christmas so she wasn’t on her own. She ended up being offered a job too which is all fine and everything. But now we are under new owners and they have made her head waitess (hello I have been there longer) and it’s just so annoying that I work my ass off and she gets more opportunities and more money. Plus working with your best friend causes conflict considering when we’re not working we’re constantly together. ITS RLY GETTING TO ME. So I was looking at jobs and there’s a job which I can work LESS hours and get paid MORE. It’s closer to me. And none of my friends work there. I just feel like I’m betraying my boss though because he does look after the staff well and ugh I really wanna apply for this job

I’m really sorry, I’d put this under a read more if I could, but I’m on my phone.
so yeah just ignore this.


So my parents are pressuring me to start looking into universities and I still have absolutely no idea what I want to do. luckily I’ve always planned on taking everything I possibly can in high school so I keep all my options open. I was really interested in astrophysics but I did a some research and it doesn’t pay well (not that that really matters when you’re doing something you really enjoy) and there’s literally no jobs. like if you don’t get in with nasa you’re screwed you get to be a professor for the rest of your life and there’s no way I could teach grade one, let alone university students. then I looked into creative writing schools because I love writing and I’d love to be a novelist but pretty much the only good one is in New York and I don’t know if I’m ready to move away. Like fuck I lose my mom in the grocery store and I panic I’m a fucking baby and I just don’t want to decide any of this. I don’t want to grow up.

My friends and I have a relationship where we make fun of each other all the time,without taking offense to it. But after a while, it gets to me. Especially when they make fun of me for my fandoms, which are part of me. They say that is just me, and it’s fine, but then when they make fun of me, it seems like it kinda gets out of hand. I don’t want to tell them because they’ll just say they are doing it out of fun and I shouldn’t take offense, but I do. It’s really starting to weigh on me. Especially since my last boyfriend dumped me a couple weeks ago because of my obsessive fandoms. :’(

Desiray

I want things to go back to the way they were. When we were basically best friends. We told each other everything and now we barely talk or even look at each other. It’s basically like we’re strangers and I hate it. I’d give anything for our friendship to go back to the way it was two years ago. I push you away and shut you out and I know you’re getting tired of it. I can tell you don’t wanna put up with it anymore and that’s perfectly understandable.I wouldn’t wanna put up with me either.I’m just scared that one day you’ll finally give up on me and you’ll finally say goodbye, I know I’m not gonna be able to handle that, As much as I don’t wanna admit it, I need you and I hate that I do. I don’t wanna have to need you but there’s not really anything I can do about that. I know it’s getting close to you finally giving up on me and I’d be lying if I said I was actually making an effort to keep you around. I’m just so stupid. I expect you to stick around and be there for me and I’m not even showing any signs that I want you in my life. I honestly won’t be surprised if you leave but I’m still hoping you won’t. If it weren’t for you, I probably wouldn’t be alive right now. So basically you saved me and I appreciate it so much, more than you’ll ever know. I just wish that I can stop being scared and tell you how much you mean to me, how important you are to me, before it’s too late. I’ve already messed up this year so it probably is to late but I’m still gonna have some hope that you’ll actually talk to me again. I promise that I’ll stop pushing you away and shutting you out when I get scared. I’ll do whatever it takes to keep you around because I love you and I need you. I just want our friendship to be the way it was two years ago. I miss you

I just got berated by my family cos apparently not having a boat load of friends means I have zero friends which means I’m not sociable which I grinds my gears. I am a very sociable person, just because I don’t remain friends with people after a semester does not mean I’m not sociable. Maybe we didn’t have anything in common other than the class? I am a very introverted person, I like being by myself and I like only having a few friends and some people are homebodies and like spending time by themselves and that is me. I have come to accept that and I think I’ll always be like that which isn’t to say I don’t ever want to go out and see friends, of course I do. And I love meeting new people but when you’re trying to stay friends with someone but are the only person putting in effort in the relationship it gets old and sue me for not wanting to have to go through that it’s already happened to me like 3 times. AND what my family doesn’t understand is that I don’t talk about my friends or my feelings in the sense of “look who texted me today” and they equate that with meaning I just don’t have a social life

I’m not smart enough,
I’m not pretty enough,
I’m not skinny enough,
I’m not good enough.

I’m sorry I’m socially awkward.
I’m sorry that the thought of talking to people scares me to death.
I’m sorry that I’m ugly.
I’m sorry that I hate myself.
I’m sorry that I’m not smart.
I’m sorry that I don’t try harder.
I’m sorry that the pressure to be perfect is killing me.
I’m sorry that I’m an embarrassment to you.
I’m sorry for making you hate me.
I’m sorry.