I-HAVE-BEEN-WORKING-ON-THIS-FOR-SO-LONG

I’m sure someone has pointed this out before, but I was thinking about the whole #BlackOutDay and the anger that has come from white people who don’t get why we’re focusing on black people. Or even hashtags like #BlackLivesMatter that are being vilified and being replaced by #AllLivesMatter.

And here’s the thought that I came to: white people have been told all their lives that the world is theirs. When a white child is growing up, chances are that they have been told that the world is their oyster and they can have whatever they like as long as they go for it. So they grow up believing this and develop this sense of entitlement. 

Now, I can only speak to the black narratives I’ve heard and my own experience, but we’re told that we’ll have to work so much harder and possibly not get as much, and then climb over numerous hurdles to land where we do. Oh, and don’t forget to dodge law enforcement and remember that the systems you’re trying to work within are probably against you.

Look at the difference between these two narratives. 

Now, if this is the narrative that white people grow up with, they’re sure as hell gonna believe that whatever they want, they have the right to have. This is the colonial mindset.

And black people recognize that if they want something, they’re gonna have to make a whole new system because the current one isn’t built for them.

This is why white people get mad when we say they can’t be involved in something, if they can’t have something. 

And this is why black people continue to try to find ways around a systemically oppressive system.

I don’t know how to fix this. I don’t know how to make this better, but hey, at least we can gain some sort of understanding.

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Favorite Albums: 3/25 [x] BedTime Stories - Madonna

For as long as Madonna has made music, she has endured relentless criticism for her sexuality.
She’s been perhaps the most consistent target in the music industry, drawing critiques for more than three decades, and reviews of her work have served as a roadmap for how we scrutinize women at each stage in their music career.
Whether it was public speculation on why she isn’t “like a virgin” or it was chastising her middle-aged body in a leotard, the shaming has had many iterations despite its one unwavering resolution: She goes too far.[x]

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Before and after, I guess. The first two were taken in 2012. I’ve been doing the ‘mones since 2013 with long breaks at times. For instance, a month ago my estrogen was 10x that of a cis woman… my doctor advised that I cut my dosage in half and inject twice as often. I’m pretty genderqueer, so while I may be a trans woman, I also embrace my masculinity to a cerain degree… just not sporting a full beard as I have in the past. Ick! Overall, I’m happy with what estradiol has done for me. Still have a lot to work on in terms of presentation, (hair, voice, weight) but as far as being okay with who I am, I’m beginning to see her, and I love it.

Inspired by transgirltumbling
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Because I’m in one of those “okay, fuck everything" moods, and I want to prove I’m not just being willfully obtuse about dropping "ooh comic" hints everywhere, here’s a few storyboard sketches for the souyo comic I’ve been working on, which I’ll eventually start posting to colonel-ressentiment. Please follow that blog if you’re interested!

This may or may not be the final layout - the earlier pages certainly have a lot of speech bubble abuse which I still need to edit - but the main script is laid out, so I don’t think there will be many drastic changes from here on. That 33 is not a typo tho; this thing got really long in a hurry, and I’m about halfway done.

A huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders!

So I just finished up with the doctor. Apparently the only thing wrong with me is that I have a distorted cornea due to my astigmatism. The solution: contacts.

It’s hilarious because I tried contacts once, a long time ago, and that didn’t work out so well.

bri-tt-any asked:

Hey, I haven't really spoken to any one about this before so I'm a bit apprehensive.. I've followed you for a while, I saw that you said your parents were divorced, mine are too. My parents got divorced when I was 13, I can remember it so clearly. I was at school and my dad tried to kill himself and I feel like I've always blamed my mother for it. I have never seem to get over it still 7 years later. Do you have any advice or tips also I have been to many therapists but nothing seems to work. Xx

Hey hun. 

I’ve been in the exact boat as you. It’s horrible. It really is. But it’ll get better. I don’t know how long it’ll take as we all heal differently, but it will keep getting easier every single day. Then maybe it’ll get shit again, but then it’ll get better again haha. 

My parents still can’t even be in the same room as one another without making a fuss about it. It hurts every single time one of them makes a negative comment about the other. But what it really took for me was realizing that they’re their own people with their own issues and their own struggles and I’ll NEVER fully understand what goes on in their minds cause I’m not in there with them! 

All you can do is love them, accept them with all their flaws, and be the supportive neutral ground. 

http://larkoftheriver.deviantart.com

Stormlight Archive fanart complete. I don’t have much to say for this other than 97 layers in the end. This has been in the works for a long time so I’ve finally finished it. And about time too.
This would be Kaladin (again). Let’s just say that the background was painful and let’s leave it at that. I also can’t draw humans.
But regardless, I’m really pleased with how this turned out. Please use full view.

As always, artwork is © LarkoftheRiver.
The character and concepts are © Brandon Sanderson.
Go read his books. Now.

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Goodness, I’m sorry it took me so long to write this post! I’ll bullet it so it’s hopefully not super long.

* I just got over the flu, but other than that I’ve been working out almost every day this year. I’m losing weight, but slowly. If I can lose 3 more pounds I’ll have lost the 70 pounds I gained while pregnant with Sheila, within her first year.

* We are loooking into buying some land and putting a house on it or just buying a house in town, although we would prefer some land. It’s a sort of stressful process!

* My baby is going to be a year old this month!

* I’m really, really suffering from cabin fever, especially after stying in with the flu for a week.

* I’m excited to start planning for her birthday. Smash cake (made of bananas and other natural ingredients), streamers, baloons, and I’m thinking aboutt making her a birthday tutu. My family is coming to visit that week, so I’m excited! I also feel like I need to get this stinking apartment whipped into shape.

* I haven’t been really continuing on with my beachbody business. It just seemed like it was too much stress and took too much time from little girl. It’s weird because now I feel like I need a project. Lol. Where is the middle ground?

Anyway, I’m sorry it took me so stinking long to update y’all. Hopefully I can do this more often!

anonymous asked:

will debuts also happen?

I’m still working on them! 

Unfortunately, creating with a system that will be fun and rewarding and not too restrictive while still being realistic and not adding too much more work onto the characters’ or the RK staff’s plates is really difficult, especially while still trying to run the existing stuff at the RP. I keep getting very, very close to figuring out how the system is going to work, only to run into an irreconcilable flaw that I have to work around… which leads to another flaw and another and another… 

A lot of our trainees have been at ROOKIES for a long time, and I don’t want to screw them over with a sub-par experimental group/debut system, so I’m really putting a lot of thought and effort into how to make it work as right as possible from the start. I know it won’t be perfect and it’ll take some experimenting even after it’s finally revealed, but I do want to make sure that those who’ve been waiting over a year to be RK’s eternal lab rats, you know?

I’m pretty close to getting this all figured out and things are coming as fast as I can possibly bring them to you! When it seems like I’m being way too quiet over here and making way too much noise about random stuff in AIM statuses, you can bet it’s because I’m working on the behind-the-scenes RK stuff. I’m just as impatient and excited to get this stuff rolling as you are.

Wheeee hello everyone, today i am extra happy and positive and feeling a lot like my happy self and i’m gonna ride on this wave for as long as it lasts and

i have decided to try and keep myself positive, or at least try, and try to steer away from bad thoughts i have against myself and even if i have to force it i will love myself dammit, dumb flaws and all

i don’t know when it started but for so long i’ve been drilling into my head that i’m not enough in any sense and i want that to STOP

so i’m going to try and i might fail but i don’t want to so i really want to try so bad

i hope it works out!!!

here’s  me holding a poster i made for one of our organizations’ events!

it came out bigger than we expected, hehe

after the sun sets i have 2 run..ok? MAKE me, somebody make me.! because i did not go for a walk today. i need exercise. all i did was lay on my back porch in the sun for over three hours. it was amazing, but the sunshine wore me out. i am a lil pink. i finally was able to relax at in a state which i haven’t gotten in for so long! i’ve been locked out of a relaxed, in control, state of mind. but i am nudging my way back in so that i can relax more on a regular basis. i have a lot of free time and everything so i’m gonna keep trying to exercise a tiny bit daily, and also relax a tiny bit daily (like outside or somthing..without internet lol) also, a project idea came to my mind while i was outside, and i feel inspired. like i was rewarded for all of the work i have been putting toward growing. the idea would have never came to me if i hadn’t made myself spend time outside. i’m trying to grow independently. i’m trying to be able to live by myself – to live even without the incentive of company. it’s really hard for me. i easily feel so lonely and feel no reason for life. but i need to embrace these tiny things, embrace my current state of freedom, and i need to make my reasons for life. usually i very easily just romanticize romanticize romanticize my current reasons for life, which are reasons that have no place inside of an everyday life. this makes me really depressed usually. liek there is no room for happiness in everyday life. but i need to look forward to the experiences ahead that i have, which will be like those adventures that i see as the reason for life, and i need to not romanticize them as the one and only thing worth anythin!. i have to patiently wait and work toward them, and at the same time i have to make RN work for me. 

i need to drink water and i need to make myself run after the sun sets at 6:12pm. 

One Year on Testosterone

I passed the one year mark just over a week ago (February 24th), but I was very busy and couldn’t make a post about it. I’m still not sure what to say, other than that I am grateful.

This past year has probably been the best year of my life. So much has changed, both in terms of transitioning as well as other aspects of my life, and it all feels positive. I’ve made so many new friends this year, and I feel as though I have kept my old ones as well, which I worry about sometimes. I’ve been incredibly busy recently and I am trying to be conscious about making time for my friends too because I know that that’s a thing I need to work on.

Anyway, I celebrated with what was deemed a Werewolf Bar Mitzvah party, and because my boss is so wonderful she got me this cupcake.

There is still a long way to go with this transition, but I feel optimistic. I can’t wait to make more progress toward my top surgery but I am still just on the waiting list. I am also waiting for my name change to come back. Maybe this is the year that the patch in the middle of my chin where I am unable to grow facial hair will fill in. Maybe this is the year strangers will stop calling me “ma’am”, or the year I will be confident enough to start using the men’s washroom more (hopefully this is actually the year that public places wise up and get some more gender neutral bathrooms, but I digress). Maybe soon my puberty renaissance will end and my hormones will settle down again. I am looking forward to riding my bike again, something I’ve had to stop doing since I bind most of the time. I am mostly looking forward to never binding again. That’s probably farther away than this year, but I’m still excited.

I have experienced an astonishing amount of support in my transition so far, and I feel incredibly lucky and grateful. I have fantastic friends and family. Overall I feel restless, but also optimistic and loved, which is not a bad place to be.

Thank you all.

Something I think we all need to remember:
Your broken leg doesn’t make someone else’s scraped knee hurt any less.

I see all the time people complaining about other people being upset at a “lesser problem” for example:

People in a relationship with a service member being mad that their friend is upset that their boyfriend is busy and they don’t get to see them. Or a milso who’s SO is deployed being upset that another milso is feeling sad that their SO is working long hours, or gone to the field for a week, or even a few days.

Women who are trying to conceive and have been trying for 2+ years getting mad at women who have been trying for less than a year being upset that it hasn’t happened yet.

And a million and one other situations, those are just the ones I feel like I’ve been seeing a lot, so they were at the front of my mind. Either way, when someone is hurting, they have every right to hurt. Please never belittle someone’s feelings because you feel that you have dealt with or are dealing with worse.

I’ll hop off my soapbox now. 😂

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3/4/2015.

Three months ago the girl who’s songs I danced to in my room at 11 followed me on here. The top picture captured all of my emotions. I couldn’t speak. These past three months have been so incredible! I will never forget logging onto tumblr after working on my science project and just bursting into tears. I will never forget my moms concerned face when she thought my project had been deleted. Mistaking my hysterics for sadness when in reality it was the happiest I had been in a LONG time. I will never be able to thank my dad enough for capturing the moment. I will never be able to forget it.

I love you so much Taylor. You are so inspiring! Thank you for capturing the words I forgot to say or was too afraid to speak. Thank you for giving me songs that get me out of a bad mood as soon as the first melody begins. Thank you for simply being you. Without you, I wouldn’t be me. You mean the absolute world to me. Cheers to forevermore. I love you to the moon and back!  taylorswift

anonymous asked:

I really admired your relationship with your wife, you both are perfect for each other! -swoons- My partner and I are long distance so sometimes it's difficult but it's so lovely to find the one that shares all the same kinks and ideas and complexity of the mind. It makes the mind and body feel alive.

What a lovely thought to share. Thank you. 

We started off long distance too but now we have been married for the better part of a decade, so don’t let anyone tell you that it can’t work out for you two. I’m glad you have a partner that gives you that feeling, it’s a wonderful thing.

I’m very lucky to have found my little kitten, she is the most intelligent and strong person I have ever known and I have a tremendous amount of respect for her, she manages to say and do things that amaze and delight me everyday even after all these years. I feel truly privileged that she has seen fit to let me care for her and help her be the best kitten she can be.

writing is so stressful because i can’t just fucking write, oh no first i have to make a fucking playlist with good songs that fit the tone of what i’m working on even though i’ll just end up listening to one or two songs on repeat for hours anyway. and those songs have to be just right like they can’t be too jarring when they repeat they need to be kind of fluid so i lose track of what point the music is at or how long i’ve been listening to it

my feet have to be warm. if they’re not warm i have to go find slippers.

i need a pillow behind my back for support because i’m a weak old lady teenager with a bad back

ideally i will have a hood or a blanket over my head to act as a blinder to keep stuff out of my peripheral vision/dampen any light sources that are near me

i prefer to be alone when i write so if my mom is in the room i definitely need something blocking her from view because idk i’m just terrible like that

all cats need to fuck off and not jump on the back of my chair

my phone may be ignored for hours at a time

tumblr is a constant distraction. i blog and write in bursts. like right now.

i have four documents open rn

and yet i am making this post

it’s the middle of the night and there are no lights on anywhere in my house. the only light is coming from my laptop, and now my phone screen because apparently i have a text message.

i really should be writing.

In 2014 I lost a great friend, was unable to continue my apprenticeship at Pangea, was displaced by flooding, my car was destroyed, and nearly everything I owned was irreparably damaged. My mother went through two heart surgeries, and I am the same age she was when she lost her father to heart complications.

We’ve only seen two months of 2015 and so far, old friendships I had long since abandoned hope of rekindling have surfaced, I bought a car that has been better to me than I deserve, I began working at the most decorated producer of honey wine in the world, have risen to become a meadmakers apprentice by hard work alone, I started living with one of my best friends, and my mom is healthier than she has been in years.

Please don’t give up, friends. A very small amount of time can make a very large difference.