I even don’t know where should I start….
2 weeks 6 weeks was very hard for me but I think it was meant to be. Everything has started during easter. I was spending my time with family. Family who criticizes me at every moment of my life.
They said terrible things: You’re fat; You look like a man, Why are you even workout? You have cerebral palsy. You can’t workout; Don’t tell anyone that you have depression; Girls shouldn’t have muscles; You are lazy; You don’t study because you are lazy; Dietetics is a bad decision;
YOU CAN’T YOU CAN’T YOU CAN’T
How it affected me??
I stopped workout, I have not been in the gym for more than
2 weeks 6 weeks, I ate like shit, I felt like shit, depressive symptoms appeared - I couldn’t sleep, poop, I had migraines, I forgot about medications and I started to drink alcohol while I was on pills (one glass of whisky a day or 2 glass of vine but still…) Last Sunday my cousin who always supports me asked me if I want to stay in her place for a few days, I said yeah, why not. I thought that it will rest for a few days… But she gave me a job for 3 days in her kindergarden I was working 8 - 10 hours a day. I was exhausted but happy because I have learn a few things from this sweet kids and my cousin gave me some money and I need money :D
Then my cousin introduced me to her friend. Her friend gave me a dream job - health-blog related job. I was so excited and happy so I started work on this site about health etc. I thought that everything will work out but it didn’t… I thought that I was mentally ready for this… but I wasn’t. I stopped taking pills, I still don’t go to the gym. I feel terrible. I thought that I have to (and I can) deal with it on my own so I left my blog.
I was wrong and I’m back now. I missed you so much thank you for all the messages. I don’t know what else should I say.
I need help.