Hello anyways i guess

…or anything

4

-You’re supposed to empathize with the protagonist, Mamiko!
-Then does Senpai also….

(I’m just going to make a real personal post really fast so feel free to read it or not but this isn’t anything particularly enthralling…)

This is my face. Just as it is. No makeup, no fancy lighting, no editing, no filter. Just me.

And sometimes I have a problem with “me”. A lot of times I do, actually. Most days I do.

But after my therapist appointment today I realized something: I’m not going to do this anymore. I’m not going to look in the mirror and cry.

The past few months have been hard. I came out with all my problems I had been dealing with a majority of my life (depression, self harm, suicidal thoughts, BED, among other things..) and working through everything is a bitch. Much more of a bitch than I thought it would be. But I’m not going to give up on myself. Not this time. I can’t.

Instead of crying about the fact that I tell myself,"You could be really pretty if you just took care of yourself and weren’t such a fatass", I’m going to take care of my fucking body. I’m going to put down the razor. Im going to change my relationship with food. I’m going to understand what’s going on in my head and god damn it I am going to be happy and kick 2015’s mother fucking ass because I am the strongest person I know.

I was the one who pulled myself off the bathroom floor with tear streaked cheeks and scared legs. I was the one who told myself I deserved to live another day. Me. And I deserve it to that part of myself that’s kept on going to see the day everything will be better. That day may not be today, it may not be tomorrow, but someday…And a day like that is worth waiting for. Its worth fighting for.

This is my face and I am learning to love it. Just the same as I am with the rest of myself and if anyone out there doesn’t like it then they can shove a cactus up their ass because Im not going to listen to you anymore.

Im better than that.

2015 is going to be hard because Im changing so many things all at once but I know I can do it. And this picture, and this post, are one of my first steps.

i know i say this all the time but i just need everyone to always be thinking about a world in which draco malfoy got zuko’s character arc

i’m still learning how to just be.

Quite a lot of you have been asking about my personal blog in my absence, so I’ve decided to share the link… ((i hope i don’t end up regretting this…)) Because I’ve been basically the only person looking at this since making it, I haven’t tagged any triggers or anything, but I think it’s safe enough for the moment; I’ve deleted most of the worst stuff anyway, it’s mostly just me rambling nonsensically to myself, and reblogging things that I think are pretty and not black and white ((which is rly rly comforting at the moment tbh)). So yeah, if you guys want to stay in touch while I’m not here, this is where you’re most likely to find me, so feel free to pop by anytime you want ^-^

I have way too many questions in my inbox to be able to answer you all individually but I really miss you guys as well cries :(((((((( But taking a break from this blog for the moment is also doing me a lot of good so let’s all be happy pls ok cool ily guys and I should probably leave now oops bye ♥

Uhhhmm.. yeah, so.. apparently I reached/passed the 300 (!!?) followers this morning while I was at work.. so I figured I’d draw something to celebrate.. and my head is still full of Jupiter Ascending.. so I thought maybe I can draw something with following and Caine and.. I just- I don’t know where I was going with it exactly.. but this happened.?

Yeah…

chaebi asked:

When you get this, you must publicly post something nice about at least 5 different people you follow, then copy and paste this in each of their ask boxes. Check my blog to see what I said about you! <3

chaebi

i am terribly sorry, this is so late! DDDD: i read your message and it feels really nice to know someone think of me like that //cries// anyways. hello! i guess this is our first time talking to each other? i am sorry i’m so bad at keeping in touch with people, so if you don’t start any conversation i most likely won’t ever talk to you (this also happens in real life, i suck at socializing, i just don’t know how to start a conversation) :-( you’re actually one of those got7 blogs that caught my attention. i really like what you reblog/posts they totally feed my hunger for got7 haha :-D thanks for liking my edits, it always encourages me to make more <3

dohdoro

so. where should i start? mmh i barely know eri since we don’t talk that much, but i totally admire her coding skills. like. oh. my. god. have you seen her themes??? they’re all so pretty and awesomely coded (confession though, i haven’t used any of them //sobs). if it’s not enough to get your attention, then you should totally check out her edits. i don’t even know what so say. (btw hi, eri! i’m fei, in case you’re wondering. i just want to say that i’ve been following you for a while now and i’ve been reading your posts/replies. even though i don’t reply to any of them, i just want to say that i admire your personality. yeah. sorry for being awkward)

catpopfeels

hi, cat! you probably (well, you most likely) don’t know me, but i’m a fan of your scenarios! i’m not really sure how i found your blog, it was probably from some random clicks, but i think someone recommended your blog on their replies/asks to someone else and i decided to check it out and BAM i clicked that follow button. you have such a great writing style (though i must say i liked your old writing style more (i read somewhere that you’re experimenting with a new writing style? not saying that your current one is bad (NOOOOOOO, THEY ARE AS GOOD AS THE OLD ONES!!!) but i prefer the old one heheh), i think they were more…. idk, happy? bubbly? sorry i make no sense but yeah). whenever you post a new scenario i always make sure i read them :-D (ps. i am very picky when it comes to fanfics/scenarios so i hope it says something about me liking your scenarios. so much. //throws love)

thatgotseven

your love for mark. cries. ((i am sorry this is so short, but really. YOUR! LOVE! FOR! MORRRRRRRRRRKKKKKK!!!!)) btw our birthday is only 3 days apart. though i’m a lot older than you :-D

2/22/15

Hey hi hello. Remember that band? Anyway, I guess me and Ris are friends with benefits now. But not that far into benefits because he’s super Christian. I don’t know how I feel about this because we’ve always had a super best friend relationship and today was the first time we’ve had a full conversation in a while. It feels kind of rushed, but I mean it’s senior year and there are three months left so might as well have fun and make memories, am i right? Plus, I need to invest in my future prom date.