Feeling like there is something I am not understanding, not grasping. But it’s there, unsettling. Its like it is hidden behind a mosaic glass. it teases me with its silhouette but i cannot make it out.
I am learning how much the fear of missing out has gotten me to where I am now. So much discontent. It divides me from everyone I hold dear. The grass is not always greener, always reaching for the stars maybe blinds you from the fact there are still beauty beneath your feet.
I have become sour, unmotivated and locked in the past. Locked in sadness, of past hurts.
Always leaving heavy baggage behind is not always healthy, It feels safe but it does not mean your arms do not remember the weight of your pain.
I feel like I am still in this rut. A rut with no solution. I busy myself with things I do not want to do. Busy myself with things that appear to make me happy but they do not.
Breathe in, breathe out. Heavy chest.
I feel the weight of my mind, growing realisation of what makes me unloveable and closed off
It is what I see in others close to me and i do not want that for myself. I want peace and love. Rumi says Do not seek love but seek all the barriers within yourself that separates you from it. I guess that is what I need to do now.
I need to connect with people who have loved me for who I am and continue to. Disconnect from negativity.
Try to move forward.
Dearest self, I love you. I just do not know how to show you.