In March of 1984,
I had seen your golden curls for the first time,
You were playing with your dolls and you were wearing your mother’s Marilyn Monroe lipstick,
And I came up to you,
Asking for you to braid my hair that was unbelievably knotty,
And you accepted.
We had a talk about how our favorite barbie was doctor barbie because she was not only “pretty” but also saved those in need,
And then you said how you’ve only heard of barbies but never owned one,
Your mom had other things to do,
And you didn’t see her all day because she was the tooth fairy,
And that you had no idea what a Father was,
I invited you over on Father’s day that year.

In April of 1989,
I had been extremely close to you,
And I was turning 14,
And I invited you to my pool party in celebration,
And you said you could not go,
When I asked you why,
You simply said you were busy,
I fell face first into my cake that year.

In December of 1990,
The brisk air had levitated my worries,
We rode our bikes around the neighborhood at night,
The Christmas lights was our guide,
All you talked about on the ride was about how you resented how your thighs were so “big”
I noticed how every time we went for lunch your dish got smaller and smaller,
You got 5 pants sizes smaller that year.

In September of 1991,
We entered our Sophmore year of high school,
I remember how I never once saw you without grin,
A 6 foot boy from Tennessee had stolen your heart,
And I saw you less,
It wasn’t until October 18th when I saw you exiting the girl’s locker room with drops of sorrow pouring down your cheeks,
Your cheeks that were struck red,
When I asked you what happened,
You said that he desired more out of you,
And that when you shouted “no” he slapped your chiseled cheeks,
I recall not ever being able to look him in the face that year in Earth Science.

In April of 1992,
Your torn up Queen tee shirt was always in my basement,
My home had become yours,
You hadn’t talked to your mom since February,
When we both found out she wasn’t the “tooth fairy” but the lady we had seen on the side of the road,
Giving her body out on discount.
You would always smoke in my basement,
The smell of it would overpower the smell of your cheap perfume,
And one time I told you that cigarettes would wreck you,
You smoked 2 packs a day that year.

In June of 1993,
We had gone to prom,
You looked like an angel that day,
It wasn’t until I found you in the girl’s bathroom that day,
Using makeup to cover up your wrists,
I remember how I screamed out my lungs,
And how no sound came out,
The floods that I made with just my insignificant eyes,
And I remember grabbing your fragile arm,
You felt like an ice cube,
You slipped out of me,
And you resembled a skeleton with a skin blanket at this point,
When I washed the make up off your wrists I saw the devil’s scratches had reached them,
I remember how both our faces drowned in red,
And I took you out for ice cream,
I missed out on prom that year.

In June of 1994,
We graduated,
Only the list had one less name on it,
I had lost you three months ago,
You had always been stubborn,
And I guess that your stubbornness could not stop the car from hitting you,
Or you from staying in it’s way,
I remember how much you desired to graduate and leave,
New York City was your dream,
So I went up for you,
“We made it” I whispered,
I was checked into a hospital that year.

Today I rest next to your grave,
I had promised to visit as many times as you visited me in 1992,
Every Saturday,
If I have a little extra money from tips,
I buy a pack of cigarettes,
Placing in the area where your flannel’s pocket would have held in,
And on your birthday I bought you a Doctor Barbie,
She was a beautiful doll,
And all I can remember is you being even more,
I’ve spent sleepless nights,
Writing poetry about how much I was unable to swim in this burden,
But I can never finish them,
And every night this year,
I drown.

—  You’re just a memory

Breaking Tradition

​I’m the boy that graduated in high heels. Yes, him. I’m Ivan Fahy. I’m an androgynous model, a gender and LGBT activist, and a recent graduate of Psychology and Sociology & Politics. I decided to graduate in high heels simply because I wanted to and my graduation day was exactly that, mine, so I would exercise autonomy and decide by myself, for myself, what I would wear. I wore what expresses my being; high heels, skinny jeans and a Britney Spears t-shirt because she is my favourite singer. I also wanted to take a stance in support of all the transgender and gender non-conforming students in Galway, Ireland and the world. Looking around the Bailey Allen Hall on graduation day, what do you see? You see everything ‘typical’ and heteronormative; boys in suits, girls in dresses, Mammy and Daddy in tow. Where is LGBT visibility? Where is diversity? Everyone dresses normatively, something tradition demands. This tradition forces you to pay for and wear a gown, forces you to wear a graduation cap if you are female (because your education is being traditionally capped), and forces us too abide by gender and social norms. Such tradition prevents me, and others like myself, from being ourselves. Such tradition reflects sexism, homophobia and transphobia. Such tradition rejects the diversity within humanity. Therefore, I wore my high heels to get everyone thinking. My high heels are my tool of activism. They attract attention. They force people to think and to question, but only because I, a human born male, wear them. They wouldn’t have such an impact on the feet of a woman. They’d be barely noticed. Yet, when I wear high heels, it’s all people see and remember. I look forward to the day when a male in high heels isn’t so shocking, but right now it is, but only because gender and its expression is so restrictively understood, and we only have ourselves and those before us to blame. Society isn’t to blame for we create and maintain society. Gender is beautiful. Norms and traditions constructed by humans hide its beauty. Gender norms and gender policing restrict human potential. They, if allowed, will hold you back. They will hold you back from living the life you want to live and from loving the people you want to love. We need to protest against these gender norms and this is done most effectively by living your life openly, proudly and visibly. I studied hard for three years and I was not going to conform and dress ‘traditionally’ on my well-deserved graduation day. What for anyway? For the strangers in the room? For the heads of the university? We care too much, way too much, about what others think. Also, my androgynous modelling and expression of gender isn’t something that exists only online or in fashion magazines, it exists where I decide. My androgyny will not be confined to ‘appropriate’ spaces. It will not be hidden, shamed, condemned or censored. By being myself in the graduation public space, I broke graduation tradition. I hope this results in people dressing exactly how they want to in all future graduations. I hope I may have encouraged and inspired others to feel confident and secure in graduating how they personally want. I was taken aback by all the love and support I have received in person and online. This love and support was very much needed and hugely appreciated. Nobody wants to live in a boring and closed society, so we need to positively reinforce and support those that live proudly as themselves. We all have LGBT (lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender) friends and family members, and we may be LGBT ourselves, so we must all stand up for diversity and equality.

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heidiimn asked:

Hi! You seem to be a great teacher, so I was hoping you could give me some advice. I'm about to finish high school, and I need to figure out what to do next, the thing is - I have no idea what I want study. There seem to be a lot of things that seem OK, but nothing that makes me think "yes, that is something I would love and be really good at!". I have been trying to reserach possible occupatons, but nothing tempts me. Any tips? (Excuse my grammar by the way, I'm not from the US)

Hi Heidiimn,

You’re not alone in that experience.  So many of my graduating seniors are struggling with this and I’m going to tell you what I tell them:  you don’t have to decide right now what you’re going to do for the rest of your life.  

When I graduated from high school, I wanted to be a lawyer.  Since kindergarten, I’d wanted to be a lawyer.  I went to university with that intention. But here’s the great thing about a liberal arts education: it blew my mind open.  My professors opened me up to so many ideas and realities that I had never even heard of before.  And that opened up possibilities within me in my relationship to this world.

After completing my undergraduate degree in English Literature, I was able to take some time to read further and study and just think.  I was fortunate in that in the early 90s, I had back surgery which laid me up in bed for a bit while my family took care of me.  This luxury afforded me the time to read deeply and do that thing which very few young people (and older people!) take the time to do any more: contemplate life.  I was surrounded by all these books, containing wisdom from so many people who were so much smarter and wiser than me.  And I picked all their brains and learned from them.  I spent a lot of time just looking out the window.  (Fortunately, I didn’t have the Internet at the time and there were no cell phones so distractions were limited.)  And I studied me.

It was during that time that I realized life was brief and that I had to pack it with joy and meaning for me.  This would mean a career in something that would help others and feed my desire to talk about literature.  And that’s how I arrived at teaching.  And it’s been evolving since.  

Which means it’s evolving even now.  And that openness, that ability to stay in touch with my personal level of happiness, has led me down other paths that have also been fulfilling, and it will take me places I haven’t even considered yet.  I am presently experimenting with other projects that may or may not bring me joy, but I know it will be fulfilling.  

So my advice to you: if you can afford a liberal arts education, go for it.  Take a variety of the most interesting courses.  Keep your mind open and curious.  But most of all, search out you.  Because there is no one out there like you.  There is not a single book or writer out there that knows you, but all of them will contain glimpses and shadows and reflections of you.  It’s your task to put it all together, contemplate yourself in relation to your world, and then go for it.  

You will learn that being happy is paradoxically one of the most simple yet difficult things to do, but the most important thing to do.  And depending where your mind is, it might take some work to get there.  But once there, you will see how simple it is.  

Best of luck to you in your journey.  It is an important one and sometimes a lonely one.  Please find and cherish people who recognize that.  They will prove invaluable to you.  

I’m going to sign off now before I start sounding too much like a fortune cookie. 



Broadcast today from 10AM onwards were the first ever on-airs of various songs from SCANDAL’s new album, “HELLO WORLD”! From “Satisfaction" to "Awanai Tsumori no, Genki Dene”, cross fm aired 17 songs in total, from older ones to the latest, unreleased tunes.

Below are cuts of the new songs from the radio programme, with thanks to solfaman-san!

  • Onegai Navigation: HERE (☆ Lyrics by RINA, Composition & Arrangement by MAMI)

  • love in action: HERE (☆ Lyrics, Composition & Arrangement by MAMI)

  • Graduation: (Video above) (☆ Vocals, Lyrics & Composition by HARUNA)

  • Oyasumi: HERE (only a short portion. ☆ Vocals, Lyrics & Composition by RINA)

For more information, jacket covers, pre-order links and more, the ‘HELLO WORLD' post is HERE.