On one hand I want to live a nice life where I wake up every morning, make tea, go out on my apartment balcony and read a book before going to work. Wash, rinse, and repeat.

But, on the other hand, I want to destroy my future and shit all over my life. I want to experiment with all sorts of drugs, walk the tunnels, walk around at night, and one day die in the streets.

Squirming is all You could do because You’re under My control. your body is Mine, it’s for My use whenever I choose and I choose now. your mind is Mine and you can’t think of anything but of the sensations yr body is feeling….that’s what I intended….your heart and soul is Mine and right now they are racing and soaring….You’re so close to cumming..so close to exploding but You have to stay right here on this edge till I says you can jump off of it…right here this is where I wants you…under My control…right here is heaven…You don’t want to be anywhere else in the whole fucking world…

Suicide doesn’t happen over Night, it stretches over a longer period. It pushes you a little further towards the edge each day, until you are standing at the edge looking down. You don’t even realize that you’re getting closer till the very day that you can no longer bare to live. Day by day the thoughts have been getting darker, and you didn’t even realize till it was to late, and when it finally hits you, there is no going back. And even the smallest thing like dropping a glass of water can be the final thing to push you over the edge. Maybe if you had realized it earlier you could have saved yourself, but as you swallow the pills you realize that today isn’t the day you die, cause you’re already dead, and you have been it for a while.
—  Standing at the edge