Watch on

CRISPIN BEST reading at $ YOUNG MONEY POETRY $ in Brooklyn 

Watch on


video featuring things that happened in new york over new years

with theo thimo, sarah jean alexander, stephen michael mcdowell, lk shaw, crispin best, gabby gabby, steve roggenbuck, maggie lee, ana carrete, mike bushnell, heiko julien, stacey teague, guillaume morissette, natalie chin, willis plummer, mira gonzalez, stephen tully dierks, nic rad, ed halliday & others… 

the illuminati jokebook by Crispin Best

where do babies come from?

babies come from their dicks same as anyone
you big dummy

i want to get drunk and look at a candle with you tonight
snowboarding horses couldn’t stop me

i’m an optimist
that’s what i like about you

when we fit ourselves together
we are truly a power rangers
the black ranger 
the white ranger 
the asian ranger

i read about a swimming pool next to a crematorium
they actually use the heat from cremations to warm the pool
that’s me and you
those two idiot buildings

we’re gonna forget so damn much when we’re dead
like do cats get turned on when i stroke them
and if no why the fuck not

i am a long night at the river with you

my peanut butter and jam both ran out in the same sandwich
so truly romance is alive in the world today

if i ever become an awesome rocket launcher then please
just shoot me

well now look at us
all green kissing
in the light of the exit sign


Best You've Never Had
  • Best You've Never Had
  • Stephen Michael McDowell
  • Diff

'BEST YOU'VE NEVER HAD' by buttercup mcgillicuddy
an homage to 'everyone i've never had sex with' by crispin best


you know a lot of girls be thinkin i want to try and do sex with them
this is to confuse them even more, this is for all y’all

sorry i’m so confusing, every now and then i want it
we sure damn can cuddle tho, but i can’t make no promise on it
you are really pretty but there just so many factors honey
i don’t want to be confusing but maybe i do not frontin

every time you call, i’m sure i wanna give it up
but then you beg for it and i think give it up
we’re in my bed getting drunk and i’m givin up
and i think the same thing each time we say goodbye

baby, i am crispin best
hi i’m crispin best
i am crispin best
hi i’m crispin best
i’m the best you’ve never had
the best you’ve never had
i’m the best you’ve never had
the best you’ve never had

i met you at a reading i remember getting hammered there
making eyes at me, but then pictured someone else’s hair
damn, yeah, you’re hair is really pretty tho, i’m extremely shitty
all my friends there should have let you know

ha, you look cute staring up at me
damn, i just don’t know now that you’re glaring up at me
maybe we could hit my crib and do just what you want me to
but i’ll probly stop whatever sexy stuff you try to do

karaoke, drinking rum, walking past a london slum
you kiss me and i dis you, not exactly what i wanted to
do, damn, seems like you wanna do me
but the likelihood that i’ll shoot down every attempt to screw me

is 9 out of 10, but let’s do this again
maybe if you say you want me
a million times i’ll give in
maybe then i’ll give in



It’s here!

Cage Match Volume 3!

After premiering at the Buffalo Small Press Book Fair in April we finally have this sucker up for order. $10+shipping!

60 page perfect bound book with color cover and B-W/color insides featuring artwork and writing from : Sarah Jean Alexander, Nicholas Almendinger, Crispin Best, Will Bechtold, Emily Churco, Jake Drum, Dylan England, Cassandra Gillig, Bobby Griffiths, Craig Horky, Meghan Lamb, Diane Marie, Nick Melody, Ben Sears, Matt Romney, Matthew Baker Thompson, Mike Turzanski, Elias Van Son, and Jackson Wingate. All orders shipped with random freebies.


sarah jean alexander / crispin best / mike bushnell / dennis cooper / gabby bess / melissa broder / steve roggenbuck / ellen kennedy / stephen sturgeon / bianca shipton / luna miguel / jane yeh / mira gonzalez / walter mackey / thais benoit / spencer madsen / grant maierhofer / guillaume morissette / ben kopel / dorothea lasky / timothy willis sanders / xTx / stephen michael mcdowell / tao lin / paige gresty / megan boyle / noah cicero / juliet escoria / stephen tully dierks / giancarlo ditrapano / richard chiem / zachary german / sam pink / amy liptrot / chuck young / chia-lun chang / chelsea martin / scott mcclanahan