There’s something you should know about me. Sometimes I make these grand plans and then tank them so hard on purpose just to enjoy the acceleration of the free fall “back to life, back to reality.” (Pause here to really let that sound bite sneak into your brain for the rest of the day.)
After having the most excellent Saturday (not be confused with Bill and Ted’s Adventure) I crash landed into Sunday, where a case of overwhelming homesickness rendered me a lazy, melancholy blob whose only interest was reading books by American comediennes.
Ironically (using it wrong) Phil booked our tickets back to America yesterday in the midst of my wallowing and I think I managed a limp high five in response. Yes, I was so happy knowing there was a date on the books, but I couldn’t help thinking that I’d have to come back to England and say goodbye all over again.
England, please don’t take offense - you’re great - you’re just not home yet. And you’re gloomy as hell right now. I’m so vitamin D deficient I keep waiting for a bone to crack in half. (Is that how vitamin D deficiency works??)
I was texting the BFF this morning and confessed that life is finally settling down to normal and I’m having a hard time adjusting. I told her that people would think I’m crazy if they knew that I thought having cancer and taking care of my demented (clinically, not my opinion!) grandma for two years was easier for me than moving to England has been. And as always, she knew exactly what I meant.
Sometimes I look at this rockstar scar across my neck and think, “How did I get through that?” And then I remember, “Oh, yeah, I didn’t have a choice.” But in England, I do have a choice and I’m choosing to be here, but sometimes that just takes so much more energy than other days.
Which is why I promptly ignored all the ‘get out of bed early’ advice and constructed an impenetrable pillow fort and didn’t get out of bed until 1PM. I was weary and tired in ways that only complete life avoidance and holding your spouse hostage can remedy.
And it worked. I feel 400% better.
Now to tackle this vitamin D issue.